


Pandora's Box

by lizwontcry



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-07-12
Packaged: 2017-11-01 12:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 70,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizwontcry/pseuds/lizwontcry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After he asks her for advice on how to take his relationship with Amy to the next level, Sheldon and Penny are drawn to each other. How far will they take their attraction, and what will it cost them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my head for weeks. I feel better now.

There was a moment of hesitation before Sheldon allowed himself to knock on Penny's door. He was used to asking Penny for favors and most of the time, she was always willing to help him out. But this one was going to be a little unconventional, and he wondered if he was crossing a line. Maybe he was asking too much of his baffling friend Penny. But he figured she was used to his unusual requests, so he went for it.

Knock knock knock. "Penny." Knock knock knock. "Penny." Knock knock knock. "Penny." Sheldon would never admit it, but most of the time, he did this just to annoy her. It worked for a while but now she was accustomed to his quirky entrances. In fact, she'd probably be more annoyed if he _stopped_ doing it.

Penny opened the door on the last knock with her customary smile that always made Sheldon feel just a little bit better about himself. There were few people in his life who smiled at him like that. He seemed to elicit the opposite reaction most of the time, actually. So it was always nice to see a friendly face.

"Hey, sweetie. Come on in." Sheldon liked that she didn't ask what he wanted and instead invited him in.

"Can I offer you anything to drink? I have...vodka and chocolate milk. I wouldn't suggest drinking them both at the same time, though. Unless you're really drunk."

"I'll have some chocolate milk, thank you."

Penny made her way to the small kitchen and got to work. "So, Sheldon, what can I do for you today? You look deep in thought."

"Well, I am, actually. I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Are you sure about that? Look how the last favor worked out for you."

Sheldon cringed and felt the back of his neck. "Yes, well, my hair has grown back, and I have decided to forgive you for that." He was just starting to get over the failed haircutting experience of 2012. "I suppose that was just as much my fault as it was yours."

"Wow, the great Dr. Sheldon Cooper actually taking blame for something. I'm shocked."

Yes, well, he didn't really think it was his fault at all but if it made her feel better, he'd go with it. For now.

"Anyway, tell me what's on your mind, sweetie."

Even though Penny said she called everyone sweetie, Sheldon did not have any evidence of this. To his knowledge, she didn't even call Leonard sweetie, and he was her boyfriend. Sheldon was pretty sure this endearment belonged to him, and he liked it. He'd never been anyone's sweetie. Just a moonpie.

"Okay, well, I'm finding myself on the horns of a dilemma, and I came-"

"You're on the what of a dilemma?" Penny already looked confused. This was not a good sign.

"The horns, Penny. Pay attention. Amy Farrah Fowler has expressed her displeasure with my desire to keep any kind of digital stimulation to a minimum in our, ahem, relationship. Since we've been seeing each other for nearly two years now, I thought that I might rethink my position on the subject and take this thing to the next level. I owe her that much; she is a very loyal companion, after all."

Penny looked less confused now. He figured once she knew it was a matter of the heart, she'd understand.

"Okay, yeah, that's not exactly a secret. She texted me about it almost the second you left her place. And, Sheldon? She's so excited. Like, you made her year when you agreed to think about getting more physical. And I am proud of you for making that decision, too. Amy really does deserve it."

"I agree, although I am still a bit hesitant. I want to give Amy what she wants, but I'm still not comfortable with the amount of germs I'll be exposing myself to.

It wasn't just the germs. He'd spent a lot of time over the years thinking about what giving himself physically to a woman would emotionally entail, and for someone who was in his thirties and not used to such closeness, it was still fairly terrifying. But he figured it was time to move out of his comfort zone and see what it's like on the other side. If nothing else, Sheldon Cooper did not want to die a virgin.

"Well, I think you'll find it's not that bad once you do start doing it with more frequency."

"Yes, well, we'll see about that. So that brings me to why I'm here this evening. Penny, I'd like for you to teach me how to kiss."

She just stared at him and he started to get uncomfortable with how her eyes were searching him. Penny sometimes had this uncanny ability to see right through him. Like she knew him. And he never could figure out how or why or what he was supposed to do with that feeling.

"Sheldon...first of all, how on earth am I supposed to even do that? And second, why do you need me to do that? You've seen thousands of movies and TV shows where people kiss. Surely you can figure it out on your own."

"I know the visual, yes. While I'm positive I could figure it out on my own, I wanted to get your guidance. Because out of everyone I know, you're the most experienced in this field."

Penny looked a little hurt by this, but he didn't know why. She was an expert and that wasn't a negative trait, at least not in his eyes.

"Gee, Sheldon...thanks." She looks deep in thought as to how to proceed with his request. "Well, I guess I can help a little. Here, come sit next to me, I'll see how I can explain this without us actually having to cheat on our significant others."

Sheldon sat next to her on the small sofa and couldn't help but notice how fragrant she smelled on that particular evening. But this wasn't a new thought, really. Penny always smelled good. It was something Sheldon had come to appreciate about her.

"Now, Moonpie, you know you're kind of going to have to touch her and let her touch you? I know how you feel about stuff like that. Are you ready for that kind of closeness?"

"Well, to be quite honest, no. But I want to be. I have come to the realization that this is the right time for such things to happen. And I'm sure that someday I'll actually come to like it."

"Okay. Okay, well, let me think about this."

Penny unconsciously licked her lips and Sheldon watched with rapt attention. He told himself it's because he's trying to learn from her. Yes, this is why he's so interested in her lips.

"Okay, kissing. How to kiss. I've never really given it much though, I've just kind of...done it. Hmm. When you're at a point where she is expecting you to kiss her, you kind of lean in towards her face, and she'll kind of aim her lips at you. I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what Amy is going to do. She's had about as much experience with kissing as you, so you guys at least have that advantage. Anyway, you'll want to lean in and, you know, just press your lips to hers. Softly. Don't make it too intense the first time or you'll have nowhere to go from there. And then see how she reacts. If her eyes are closed and her lips are puckered, she'll want more. If her eyes are open and she looks unhappy, she will definitely not want more and you will probably have to rethink this whole kissing thing."

She stops again to think about the next step. Sheldon is completely wrapped up in it. "It" being her voice, her eyes, her delivery.

"Interesting. I think I follow so far. Please go on."

"Okay, so once you gauge her tempterature and you know she wants more, give her more. Make the kiss a little longer. Now, Sheldon, are you familiar with French kissing?"

He sighed and said, "Yes, I am aware of the mechanics. It sounds utterly disgusting to me, but I am sure that's what Amy is expecting."

"I think you're right about that. So what you do is, you stick your tongue in her mouth, basically. Lick her lips a little. Lick her tongue. Just kind of...explore her mouth with your tongue. And she'll do the same. I know it sounds like torture to you, and Sheldon? Really, if it's too gross, just don't do it. She'll know you hate it and this will end the kissing altogether."

Sheldon certainly did not like the sound of French kissing, but he'd give it a shot. He didn't want to lose Amy, and who knows, maybe he would like it. Recently he had an epiphany-ever since meeting and bonding with Penny, he'd become more open to participating in new experiences, and sometimes he even enjoyed it. She was so adventurous; so outgoing, it was almost infectious. Sheldon had never known anyone like her. And just knowing her made him feel like he could do anything, and he planned on using that mentality with Amy and her wishes for a more physical relationship.

"Okay, so we've got basic kissing and French kissing down. So after that, if you want to take it further, maybe bite her lip just a little. Like, don't make it bleed or anything, but give her something to think about. You may want to prepare yourself for second base after that, though, 'cause by then Amy's motor will definitely be humming."

Now it was Sheldon's turn to look confused. " _Bite_ her lip? People really do that to each other?"

"Yes. It's nice sometimes," she said, blushing just a bit. "It's kind of like...you're claiming ownership. Caveman-style. Just trust me on that, okay?"

Sheldon let all of this sink in. He was not only supposed to stick his tongue in her mouth, but he had to bite her lip, too? What had he gotten himself into?

"Oh, and while this is happening, you'll want your hands participating, too. Put them in her hair, cup her face, grab her hands...just touch the girl. I promise you, sweetie, she's going to be putty in your hands."

"Well, that may be. She does have an intense craving for physical stimulation. But Penny, I must admit I'm a bit baffled about the French kissing and the biting. What do these things accomplish? And you think Amy is going to want that?"

"Amy is probably not very sure of what she wants, but I have a feeling she'll be keeping an open mind about anything you try. I mean, there are some exceptions, obviously, but not many. Trust me, Sheldon. Kissing isn't hard."

"I just want this to be satisfactory to her. I wouldn't want to disappoint her on the first try."

Penny sighed. "Oh, honey, I'm sure you're not going to disappoint her. She cares about you and knows that this isn't exactly your thing. You know what? I wish I could just...show you. It would be so much easier. But I have a pretty good feeling Leonard wouldn't be too happy about that."

"That is understandable." Sheldon kind of hated Leonard at that moment and he didn't understand why.

Penny looked deep in thought. "Oh, wait! I'm an actress, right? If I were an actual, functioning actress, I'd be kissing guys all the time. And it's not like we're kissing because of any real emotions or anything, right? And I'm sure Amy won't mind you kissing me if it's for your education. She'd probably even thank me. So we'll just think of this as an acting...workshop. Yeah, that makes it sound a lot better."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Penny, but I'll just go ahead and agree with you." Well, he had some idea of what she was saying. It all sounded rather morally ambiguous, but he wasn't going to argue. Penny was in charge here.

"Do you mind if I show you? Would it totally gross you out to practice with me?"

"I think empirical data could only help my situation at this point."

"Sheldon. English."

"No, I don't mind. It will be easier to apply if I learn it the hands-on way. So to speak."

Penny looked at him with a mixture of fondness and frustration. He was used to it.

"Okay, good. Scoot closer. Now, show me how you would kiss Amy for the first time."

Sheldon hesitated. He wasn't sure if this was a good idea or a very, very bad one. While he was thinking about it, Penny said softly, "It's cool if you don't want to practice. I'm sorry I even brought it up. I don't-I don't know what I was thinking."

Instead of answering, in one quick motion, he put his lips on hers. Her lips were soft and slightly wet and he liked it just fine. He looked at her to gauge the reaction, just as she'd instructed. Her eyes were still closed, so he took that as a sign to keep going. He kissed Penny again, and she kissed him back, and he finally understood everything anyone had ever said about kissing.

She was the first to pull back. Penny cleared her throat and said, "Well. That was nice. Of course you'd be good at it, you're good at everything. Amy will like that just fine. Whew. So...any more questions?" Her face was pink and her eyes were sparkling and things that never made sense to Sheldon were now perfectly clear.

He fidgeted a bit, picking at a stray strand of fabric from his black undershirt. "Actually, I was wondering if we could try...the French kissing. Just to make sure I know what I'm doing."

"Oh, um, well, yeah. That would make sense. This is a workshop after all, right?" Penny chuckled and looked more flustered than he'd ever seen her look. In some twisted way, he was enjoying this reaction from her. "Well, show me how you're going to approach it."

He inhaled, exhaled, and moved in. His lips touched hers again, and after he re-familiarized himself with them, he counted to ten and the French kissing commenced. After initially wanting to recoil in fear when his tongue touched hers-it was just so...wet-he found that it wasn't as terrifying and disgusting as he thought it would be. Actually, it was nice. He felt like he was connecting with someone on a level he'd never even knew existed. As a scientist, he found this situation fascinating. He'd have to write a paper about it or something. As a man, he found it both confusing and electrifying. And he found himself wondering why he'd waited so long to make this happen.

Penny pulled away and smiled at him and touched his hand and Sheldon had to wonder, was all this stimulation coming from the newness of the kissing, or was it because it was Penny he was kissing? Penny, with her cascades of blonde hair and emerald green eyes and she always smelled nice and she cared about him and teased him but didn't make fun of him and it was Penny. It had always been Penny.

"Okay, um, how about biting my lip a little? And use your hands. This is the big one, so make it count." Apparently Penny wasn't anxious to end the lesson, which was just fine with Sheldon.

He moved closer to her again, and they were kissing, and he cupped her face and ran his fingers through her silky hair, and he just nipped on her lower lip a little, not wanting to hurt her, and she moaned. It was a soft moan; she probably didn't even know it happened. But it was music to Sheldon's ears, and he didn't want to stop. kissing. her.

Again, Penny was the one who stopped first. She looked breathless, and her lips were redder than before and kind of swollen and her hair was kind of a mess. He'd always known Penny was attractive; Leonard could never get enough of her, Howard was always hitting on her in that creepy, perverted way of his and Raj always just kind of drooled over her from a distance. So Sheldon was aware of the feelings she caused in men just by looking like...that. But he'd always had control over his baser urges and hadn't spent much time thinking about her in that way. Now the door had been opened. Pandora's Box. And he didn't know how to close it.

"Very good, Sheldon. You are an excellent kisser. I mean, for Amy. Amy will think you're an excellent kisser. I don't-well, you know." Sheldon was not used to this stammering version of Penny. He liked it.

"Well, thank you, Penny. I appreciate the lesson. I feel much better versed in the art of 'making out', as you'd call it. Amy will be pleased with the results, I think."

"I'm sure she will," Penny said. They both regarded each other silently. Things were different now. They probably would be for a quite a while. Sheldon was positive he made a mistake somehow. A mistake that goes back a long time, maybe even more than five years. But that was moot now. For so many reasons.

"Well, Amy's coming over soon, so I guess I better take my leave," he said, unfolding himself from her couch. "Thank you again. I...well, you know."

Penny nodded. And for a second, he was convinced she _didn't know_. He was probably just making up the part where she felt the same way. That would be something he would do.

But then she says, "Sheldon...you know, if you don't feel comfortable kissing Amy, you don't have to. I'm sure she'll be disappointed, but the important thing is how you feel about it."

And he knew. Sheldon Cooper didn't know a lot about women and relationships and kissing and sex, but he know something about Penny that no one else would ever know. He knew the two of them always had a bond the rest of them never understood. He showed her his whiteboards, she called him a beautiful mind genius guy, and Leonard just watched it happen. Leonard won that round, and a couple more rounds after that. Before now, Sheldon hadn't given it much thought. But he knew now; this thing that existed between them? It was there from the beginning. And it was okay that what they had now was all it could ever be, because just thinking about taking it further than that made Sheldon's stomach hurt with anticipation.

"I know, Penny. Thank you as always for your guidance in matters of the heart. I'll see what happens with Amy. I'm sure you'll get a text describing every single detail of what happens between us tonight."

"I look forward to it," she tried to say sarcastically and instead it only sounded sad. Sheldon turned to leave and had his hand on the doorknob, but turned around and gave Penny one of his rare, patented hugs. She wrapped her arms around him gratefully, and they stood there like that for way longer than was normal or necessary. He kissed the top of her head, thought about saying something, anything...and decided not to. There was a new understanding and neither of them needed to acknowledge it. In an alternate universe, Sheldon and Penny would have made a scorching couple. In this one? Friends.


	2. Chapter 2

That was not supposed to happen.

That kiss. It wasn't supposed to happen, and especially not with Sheldon. Penny could have gone the rest of her life without knowing what it felt like to have Sheldon bite her lip. What was that all about, anyway? Sheldon was a good kisser. No. A _great_ kisser. Amy wasn't even going to know what to do with that.

Ugh, Amy. Sheldon was going to make out with Amy and Penny was going to make out with...Leonard. Yay. Yipee. Wait, that's not fair. Leonard was a pretty decent kisser. He wasn't at first, but he was a quick learner. Just like Sheldon. _Oh, balls. What have I done?_ Penny thought to herself. What was that…box thingie from Greek mythology she learned about in high school? Whatever it was, she opened it, and all because of some stupid made-up excuse to justify making out with her boyfriend's best friend. This was not good.

"Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"What planet are you on tonight?" Leonard asked. They were sitting on her couch and watching a mutually agreed upon movie. Tonight it was Dogma. For as much as they didn't have much in common, Penny and Leonard seemed to share the opinion that Kevin Smith was really effing awesome.

"What? I'm on...I don't know, Earth." She couldn't even be bothered to think of a witty reply.

"You just seem kind of out of it. Is it my breath? It was all that garlic bread, sorry."

At that moment, Penny couldn't give a tiny rat's ass about Leonard's breath, of all things. But there was no way she could explain what was going on in her head, and plus, she really didn't want to kiss him. For like the rest of the night. She wasn't totally cool with kissing two guys in one day. Yes, really. Don't look at her like that.

"Yep. Your breath sucks. Don't count on getting any tonight."

Leonard sighed, and she couldn't help but wonder if he even wanted to watch the movie at all anymore. Sometimes it seemed like sex was the only thing he could ever possibly be interested in.

 _Damn it, Sheldon_ , she thought to herself. Before he came along and kissed her...like that, she wasn't tempted to over think her relationship with Leonard. She was content with him, they had this nice, peaceful rhythm going on between them. It was fine. After all, she missed him like crazy when they broke up, and she was pretty happy now that they were trying it again. She had feelings for him that were somewhat love-like in nature. And she knew he loved her. The sex was pretty good, even great sometimes. Sure, she did wonder if she hung out with him so much out of convenience more than anything else. He lived across the hall, she liked his friends (some more than others), he cared about her and treated her well, and they had fun together. Most of the time this was perfectly acceptable for Penny. She didn't question it. It was...fine.

Leonard held and caressed her hand and she tried to focus on him and the movie and how much Linda Fiorentino and her bad acting made Penny want to scream. Penny could act circles around that chick and yet she was never allowed the chance. She was going to have to rev this acting thing up a notch...get a new manager or go on more auditions or something. The Cheesecake Factory was killing her spiritl. It was time for something new.

As long as she thought about stuff like that, Penny succeeded at keeping Sheldon out of her head. But inevitably, her thoughts would always drift back to him. It was annoying. Especially while Leonard was sitting right next to her squeezing her hand.

On the coffee table, Penny's phone vibrated. She picked it up to see a text from Amy.

_Bestie – I hope your evening with that stud of yours is going well. As for me, it turns out Dr. Cooper is an adequate kisser. He did this thing where he bit my lip? It was kind of weird. But maybe we'll reach second base someday after all! – Amy_

Penny chuckled. Weird? She thought it was…nice. Maybe it was too much for Amy's first time. Maybe Amy couldn't handle Sheldon's style. Maybe Penny could. Are you even listening to yourself? Penny was losing it.

"What was that about?" Leonard asked. He was always asking who she was getting texts from, insecurity obvious in his voice. Another one of his charming qualities.

"Amy. Apparently Sheldon is an adequate kisser."

Leonard scoffed. "They're making out now? What the hell?"

"Yep. Amy gave him an ultimatum. Either make out or break up. I guess he's serious about the relationship."

Leonard looked both disgusted and proud. "Way to go, Sheldon. Maybe he'll finally reach puberty."

"Come on, this is huge. Sheldon is finally letting go of some of his inhibitions. He's growing up right before our eyes!"

Leonard nodded. "I know. I am proud of that big praying mantis. I never thought this day would come."

The two of them returned to the movie, but Penny couldn't shake off the weird feeling that was threatening to take her down a road she didn't want to travel. Guilt, jealousy, frustration with her own life, annoyance with Leonard…what was all this? Penny wasn't used to feeling like that. She wasn't herself.

When the movie was over, Penny was thinking of various ways to tell Leonard she didn't particularly want him to sleep over when he said, "I think I'll go to bed now. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Good night." She gave him a quick peck on the lips and he left, looking just a little bit dejected. Since their relationship was still in beta testing mode, she didn't feel too bad about basically kicking him out. They were taking it slow and that meant hardly ever spending the night together. It wasn't like she didn't like sleeping with Leonard—she rather enjoyed waking up next to him and seeing the adoration in his eyes. And he was cute in the morning without his glasses, like a little newborn baby deer.

But tonight, Penny was grateful for an empty bed. Because when she turned her light off, the second her eyes closed, Sheldon popped into her head again. So she decided to give in and think about the guy.

It was true that for a while, she only thought of him as Leonard's annoying roommate. But he became more than that. He was a good guy. A guy you could always depend on, as weird as that was. Of course he always approached new situations with hesitance, but he always came through. Like when Penny asked him to explain Leonard's science stuff to her. And when she dislocated her shoulder in the shower, he took care of her. And countless other little things he did for her on a daily basis. And it goes both ways. There was the infamous haircut, and she gave him lessons when he needed help teaching his classes, drove him to the comic book store when nobody else wanted to...it was an equal partnership most of the time.

Even though their relationship took a while to develop, the two of them figured it out. They had a bond that nobody else really understood, not even Leonard. He was constantly wondering what the hell Penny and Sheldon were talking about or doing. And neither of them could explain it. It was unspoken. It was just their thing. Sometimes she even wondered if he was her best friend. Yes, Amy was convinced that she held that particular honor, but friendship wasn't absolute. She just felt closer to Sheldon than almost anyone else in her life. How that happened or when that happened, Penny didn't know. But it did, and it was good, and now it was different.

As for his looks, Penny was never attracted to him in any kind of way until a few years ago when she took him shopping for an awards ceremony he was attending. He came out in ridiculous suit after ridiculous suit, but then he came marching out in that black suit she picked out for him and she reconsidered everything she ever thought about Sheldon. He looked like a man instead of a really tall sixth grader in a superhero shirt. And lately, Penny didn't know where or how or why, but Sheldon was working out. He wasn't so scrawny anymore. Actually, he looked…kind of intimidating. Penny didn't want to notice but she did. A lot. It was rather disconcerting. Most of the time she'd see him, process his new hotness and move on. But sometimes she had to take a second look because he was selling it and she was buying it.

So yes, Sheldon was her good friend, maybe even her best friend. He was a good kisser and an attractive man. And even when he was a condescending buttface, he still got Penny like nobody else did. But none of those things changed these inarguable facts:

Penny was dating Leonard.

Leonard was Sheldon's roommate and best friend.

Leonard loved Penny.

Sheldon was seeing Amy.

Amy had intense feelings for Sheldon.

Sheldon was a sucky boyfriend.

About that last one. While Penny was considering every aspect of the situation, one of the cons on her list of pros and cons was that Sheldon was not a good boyfriend. Yes, he had feelings for Amy, everyone knew that. None of them knew quite how to process it but they wouldn't deny that it was true. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to treat the girl. He was selfish and unforgiving and stubborn and these were not good traits for a relationship. Nobody knew that more than Amy. When he decided to stay home with his friends and play video games instead of go to great aunt's birthday party, Sheldon's true colors really did shine. He cared about Amy, but he did a shitty job of showing it.

Penny was glad that her sudden influx of feelings for the guy was going to be short-lived, because while she did have a great deal of love for him as a friend, things were too complicated to ever consider taking it further than that. So no more kissing lessons, no more lists of pros and cons, no more thinking about him during inappropriate times. No big deal. Right? That was Penny's decision and she was pretty sure Sheldon came to the same conclusion.

Just as Penny was finally drifting to sleep, her phone buzzed. Apparently someone across the hall was thinking about her just as much as she was thinking about him.

_Thanks for the lesson. Amy seemed pleased. I hope you were as well?_

What the hell did that mean? Was Sheldon...flirting with her? This was too bizarre.

_Maybe. Maybe not. The real question is, were you pleased?_

She waited a minute. Two minutes. Buzz.

_With her or with you?_

Okay. What? She had no idea what to say to that, and someone had to put an end to this.

_Very funny. Good night, Moonpie. Sleep well._

_You are not allowed to call me that, Penny. Only Meemaw is authorized to do that. Anyway, good night. PS - Incidentally, your lips taste like the butterscotch candy Meemaw always had on her coffee table when I came to visit._

Penny couldn't help it-she giggled.

_Well, I hope they were just as tasty. Again, good night, sweetie._

She waited for a few minutes to see if he'd answer. He didn't. So she deleted the texts like a criminal, gave one last thought to Sheldon's lips before resolving to forget them, and then slept peacefully with no dreams. Nope, she didn't dream about Sheldon and his lips and his black suit and them doing it up against a wall at a fire station at all. Not at all, and you can't prove it.


	3. Chapter 3

A room full of Pennys paced the halls, reciting lines and trying not to notice all the other identical-looking girls who were also pacing the halls and reciting lines. This was not the time to be friendly. Penny learned this a long time ago. Not that it mattered, since she'd gotten a whole lot of nothing from all the auditioning she'd done over the years. But this was an important audition. Maybe more important, more potentially life-changing than all the other auditions combined. Penny just wanted this one more. She _needed it_ more. The Cheesecake Factory was stifling her creativity and turning her into a waitress-bot. And this audition could change everything.

The audition was for a role on a popular soap opera called Fire Lake. It was relatively new but it was getting amazing ratings, especially for a soap opera. Penny was optimistic about the part because it was pretty small and it called for a "Midwest-looking woman in her mid-twenties". Well, she was really in her upper twenties now but nobody needed to know that.

"Penny, you're next," Annie, the casting director told her, and Penny took a deep breath and nodded. While they took the long walk down the hall, Annie pointed to her clipboard and said, "So it says here you're from Nebraska?"

"Born and raised," Penny said with a smile. She hated small talk more than anything, but if it would help her get the part, she'd small talk like her life depended on it.

"Where, exactly? I ask because I'm from Omaha. And we Nebraska girls have to stick together."

Penny grinned. "Really? I'm from Ralston! That's funny. I never find anyone from close to home in California. It seems like everyone is from Texas or, like, Utah or something."

"I know, right? Well, I'm a little older than you but do you know Patricia Rose? She's my BFF's sister, about your age. And she went to Ralston High School."

"Oh, I know her. She…doesn't like me." Most girls in high school didn't like Penny. She supposed it was because she stole a lot of boyfriends. Including Patricia's. In her defense, Johnny had gorgeous long black hair and he rode a motorcycle. And he wasn't meant to be tied down.

"Well, that's how you know you're doing something right," Annie said, and winked, and Penny knew that unless she really fucked up this audition, she'd be getting this part. As Annie said, Nebraska girls had to stick together.

But her smile faded as soon as she entered the audition room. The first face she saw was Elena Edwards, rising star, tabloid favorite, and massive bitch supreme. She and Penny were almost twins, so she'd been told over the years, but Elena was a tiny bit thinner and a tiny bit younger, and she also had bigger breasts. This meant she got most of the parts Penny auditioned for, and the best part about that was she wasn't afraid to let Penny know about it. At this moment, Penny reasoned that Elena was her karma for being such a boyfriend stealer in the past. Elena was her punishment. Elena was going to beat her yet again.

"Oh. Penny. I guess I should have known you'd be auditioning for this part. Midwest looks and all." Elena said with a shit-eating grin on her ugly face. Of course, Elena was the one who got the part back when Penny was told she looked too Midwest. Also something Elena never let her live down.

"Hello, Elena. Nice to see you, as always."

Annie looked back and forth at the two girls and shook her head. Penny figured she was used to the cat fighting.

"Penny, Elena was just cast as the sister of the part you're auditioning for today. You two would have quite a lot of scenes together if we pick you. You're okay with that?"

"Absolutely," Penny said, relieved she wasn't going up against Elena but also annoyed that if she did get the part, she'd have to see this bitch every day.

"Okay, great. Have you prepared a monologue for us today?"

Penny gulped. She thought she was going to be reading a script like most of the other auditions she'd been on in the past year. Elena looked at Penny and grinned, like she was excited that Penny was going to mess this up, as usual.

Luckily for Penny and unfortunately for Elena, Penny had memorized a monologue a long time ago, and 95% of the time she totally nailed it.

"I have."

"Okay, whenever you're ready."

Penny cleared her throat and got into her zone. Yes, it was true that she hadn't succeeded as an actress in California. But when she was in school, she was the hit of every play and musical and everyone was sure she was destined for greatness. So while her self-esteem was shot after so many years without success, she drew from the feeling of being a star in her small high school back home, and she delivered her monologue from Wuthering Heights with confidence and dignity.

_"How long is it since I shut myself in here? It seems a weary number of hours ... it must be more. I remember being in the parlour after they had quarrelled, and Edgar being cruelly provoking, and me running into this room desperate. As soon as ever I had barred the door, utter blackness overwhelmed me, and I fell on the floor. I couldn't explain to Edgar how certain I felt of having a fit, or going raging mad, if he persisted in teasing me!"_

Penny continued, reciting the rest of the dialogue like a pro. She refused to look at Elena but could see her out of the corner of her eye. In the beginning of Penny's monologue, Elena was smiling. And by the end of it, she was frowning. But when she was done, the only reaction Penny cared about was Annie's. And Annie was smiling. A lot.

"Amazing, Penny. Thank you. You have everything we're looking for for this role. I can't officially make a decision yet because I have to see all the other girls who showed up, but I think I can safely say that you can expect a call very soon."

Penny grinned. "Oh, my gosh, thank you so much! You won't regret this!"

Annie gave Penny her card and Penny thanked her five more times and would have given her a hug if it wasn't considered awkward with so many people staring at them. Finally, being from Nebraska gave her an edge in this stupid competitive town.

On her way out, Penny said, "See you later, Elena."

"Not if I can help it," Elena said under her breath, and Penny laughed. Not even that bitch could ruin her day now.

Penny practically skipped to her car. When she got inside, she took out her phone and saw she had three texts.

Leonard - _I know you're going to get that part, why wouldn't they pick you? You're my gorgeous love bunny. See you when you get home. Kisses._

Leonard had just recently started signing off his text with "Kisses". It irrationally annoyed her.

Amy - _I am sure that you wowed the casting people today with your alabaster glowing skin and perpetual sunny grin. Even if you don't get it, you always will win the audition of my heart._

Okay...what?

She even had a text from Sheldon. It had been almost a month since their...incident and they hadn't spoken about it since. She assumed Sheldon truly only saw their kiss as a lesson and it didn't have any kind of impact on him. Not that she thought about it at all anymore. No, never. It never crossed her mind when she was kissing Leonard or picking out apples at the grocery store...or in the shower or when she was trying to go to sleep. Never.

_I believe the socially accepted term for an audition is "break a leg" or something. I hope you do well, I know it would make you happy to finally excel at your chosen craft. See you later._

Why was that the text that made her the happiest?

She drove all the way home with an idiotic smile plastered on her face. And it wasn't just because of the audition.

*****

A few days later, Sheldon was about to head down the never ending stairs to meet Raj outside for a ride to the comic book store. As he locked the door, Penny came up the stairs with her arms full of groceries and the cutest and most endearing grin on her face.

"Hello, Penny. You look happy today."

Penny looked distracted, like she hadn't even noticed him standing there, or she hadn't even noticed that she was on this planet.

"Heyyy Shelly! I am happy. Thank you for noticing."

He didn't even bother correcting her usage of his mother's nickname for him.

"May I ask what it is that's causing that grin? I'm sure it's not something Leonard did." If anything, Leonard usually only made Penny frown. But that was a subject for another time.

"Oh, well, the casting director called me a few minutes ago and said I got the part on Fire Lake! It's not really a big part and I can't even quit the Cheesecake Factory yet, but it's a step in the right direction."

"Congratulations, Penny. I had all but given up on your dream to be an actress. So this is amazing and surprising news."

She glared at him and he knew he said something stupid but it was too late to take it back. As usual.

"You're lucky you're cute. And that I'm too happy to care about your usual insults."

Sheldon leaned in and took one of her bags. "So you can unlock your door."

She looked stunned for a moment but then her smile returned. "Thank you, sweetie. That's nice of you."

Penny unlocked her door and Sheldon followed her in, not waiting for an invitation. He knew that Raj was probably waiting for him in front of the building and the vibration of his cell phone in his pocket indicated as such. But Sheldon wasn't ready to go yet. Raj could wait a few minutes.

"I couldn't help but notice the spaghetti sauce you purchased..."

"Oh, yeah. I was going to make some tonight because Leonard's working late again and I'm on my own. Kind of a bummer that he's working on the day I get such good news, but whatever. It's not like that's unusual or something." She sighed. Sheldon didn't know what to do with that information.

"Well, it just so happens that I have hot dogs."

Penny giggled. "Aren't you going to hang with Amy tonight?"

"Penny, we don't 'hang'. We enjoy intellectual conversations sometimes followed by a make-out session. And she is visiting her cousin in San Diego for a few days. That Amy, she loves the beach. I can't imagine why; all I see when I picture a beach are germs and bugs and sharks. But that girl, she's a free spirit."

Penny stared at him and shook her head. She was always doing that. Sheldon reasoned it was because he was just so damn adorable, he rendered her speechless.

"Aww, well, okay. Do you miss her?"

"Not really. She'll be back in a few days and then I'll see her again. I think maintaining an acceptable distance from each other every now and then is healthy and mature, don't you?"

"Uh, sure…but maybe you should email or call or text her, don't you think? A girl doesn't like to think she was forgotten in her absence, you know?"

Sheldon didn't know. He was going to have to add that one to his list of rules to follow while in a relationship. The list was getting long.

"I'll make note of that, thank you for the tip."

Penny smiled. "Okay, well, why don't you come over around 8:00? I need to take a shower and call my parents and just kind of freak out that I have an amazing acting job on a nationally televised soap opera! Oh, my god, Sheldon, I'm going to be an actress!"

"Calm down, woman. Yes, you are. You are going to be a damn good actress. Anyway, I'll see you later tonight. With hot dogs."

"Yes. I'll be looking forward to seeing you. And your hot dogs." Penny blushed for a moment and Sheldon tried not to let his mind go in the gutter. Although more and more lately, he'd been unable to keep it from going straight there, especially when it came to Penny and those lips of hers.

Damn it. It was happening again.

Sheldon walked down the stairs slowly and found Raj furiously honking the horn outside.

"Damn it, dude, I've been out here for 30 minutes! What have you been doing?"

"Talking to Penny," Sheldon said simply.

"Oh. Well, you can do that any time. It's not nice to keep me waiting."

Sheldon nodded and let Raj rant about being on time for things. He checked his watch. Two hours, 37 minutes until 8:00. Why did it feel like an eternity?

*****

It was kind of funny, really. Penny never thought hot dogs and spaghetti would taste good together. Now, sometimes she ate it even when Sheldon wasn't there to share it with her. Although it tasted better when he was.

Sheldon was passionately explaining the plot of the new comic book he bought and she was trying to pay attention, she really was. But instead Penny found herself taking a long look at him. He looked good. His lips- _oh, don't go there, Penny._ She moved on. His eyes... she was always kind of fascinated by his eyes. They were so very blue, and they revealed so much about him. And the working out and the longer hair...the whole thing was kind of working for her and it was totally exasperating because this was Sheldon and he was Amy's boyfriend and Penny was Leonard's girlfriend and really, get over it. Penny may have been a bit…promiscuous in her younger days, but she wasn't a cheater.

"Penny? Penny!"

"Oh, sorry, honey. I was just kind of in my own world there for a second."

"Yes, I noticed. It seemed like you were staring at my lips."

Penny giggled and blushed, like she was 15 years old and he was Christian Slater. Early nineties Christian Slater, not current Christian Slater.

"Oh, you had something…you had something on them. Spaghetti sauce. But it's gone now."

He didn't believe her, she could tell. And he shouldn't have, because that was a terrible lie. He cleared his throat and swiftly changed the subject.

"So tell me more about your latest endeavor into the world of television drama."

"Oh! Well, I play this crazy chick named April. April is having an affair with her sister's husband. Basically I'm the other woman. But apparently there's going to be a lot of steamy scenes with me and Hunter Hudson, the husband in question. And he is hottttt."

Sheldon frowned. It was cute.

"I wonder if you might need someone to, as they say, run lines with? I used to do that with my sister when she was an aspiring actress back in elementary school."

Penny grinned, knowing with everything in her soul that it was wrong and she should tell him right then and right now that no, she would not need to "run her lines" with anyone except maybe Leonard. Truthfully, she didn't have a lot of dialogue, at least at first. Most of her time on screen was going to be in as little clothing as possible, making out (and more…lots more) with Hunter. But she didn't say no, because she wasn't perfect and Sheldon was cute and she kinda liked playing with fire.

"That's nice of you. Why would you want to do that for me?"

"Well, you helped me out when I needed it with Amy. It's only fitting that I return the favor."

So he was still thinking about that "favor", eh? Interesting.

"Oh, yeah, maybe we can do that some time. I haven't gotten any scripts yet, though. So I'll let you know." _The second I get my hands on it._

Penny drank a bit more wine (okay, a lot more wine) and after dinner, Sheldon helped her wash the dishes. Eventually they sat together on the couch. Sheldon didn't even think twice, he just sat down next to her instead of complaining about the couch's positioning or whatever. The TV was on, but they weren't really paying attention to it. Instead they talked. About anything and everything and nothing. They did that sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes, when everyone else was busy and Penny had a bit to drink and Sheldon was in a good mood, they'd talk. About their childhoods in their small towns, about their work, about their goals. Penny knew Sheldon wanted that Nobel Prize more than anything else in the world. And Sheldon knew Penny didn't care about an Oscar or an Emmy or anything else. All she wanted was to feel proud of herself. They knew these things about each other, and it made them vulnerable, and it made them friends.

Around midnight, Penny yawned and stretched and enjoyed the look on Sheldon's face when he tried to avoid glancing at the tiny bit of her exposed stomach. Penny wasn't blind; she could always tell when Sheldon was checking her out. And he did it a lot. He probably didn't even know he did. It was so adorable.

Penny was pretty sure the moment was over and Sheldon was about to make the long walk across the hall. Part of her was disappointed the night was ending so soon and nothing…interesting had happened. Of course, that made her feel like a terrible girlfriend, but she couldn't control her thoughts and really, part of her was tired of trying.

Apparently Sheldon had similar thoughts.

"So I was observing Amy's responses to our, as you call them, make-out sessions, and I noticed that she didn't exactly have the same reaction that you did. And I was wondering, maybe I'm not doing it right."

Butterflies. In her stomach. Where the hell did those things come from? _Go away, butterflies._

"Um, really? What exactly was the difference in our…reactions?"

"Well, we've had about three or four of these 'sessions' and when they're over, she'll say something like, 'Well, that was surely satisfying,' and then we'll talk about nuclear war or the periodic table and forget it ever happened. And…her face doesn't change color."

"I'm sorry?"

Sheldon suddenly looked nervous.

"Your face turned pink and you giggled and your lips were kind of swollen after we…and that never happens with Amy. I have to wonder, am I doing something wrong?"

This wasn't even fair. How could she forget about that kiss if he kept bringing it up? And how could she resist wanting more when he described it like that?

"Hmm. Well…why don't you show me how your technique and we'll try to figure out what you're doing wrong."

"Well, I hardly think I'm doing anything wrong—I think it's more of a problem from her end. But okay, let's…continue the experiment."

She wanted to tell him not to talk. That if they didn't directly acknowledge what they were doing, it didn't count as cheating. But he scooted closer to her and their thighs were touching and he leaned in and then it was happening again. At first it was rather chaste and kind of boring, but she bit his lip almost hard enough to draw blood, and Sheldon came alive.

He hungrily, powerfully, anxiously kissed her back. There was moaning and grabbing of hair and he licked her tongue and there was biting and more moaning and all the time over the last couple of weeks when Penny couldn't stop thinking about kissing Sheldon, now it was happening again and she liked it and she didn't want to stop and she tried as hard as she could to ignore the nagging thought that dared to bubble up to the surface- _Sheldon was a better kisser than Leonard._ And if they didn't stop kissing soon she'd drag him into the bedroom-

But he managed to pull himself away after a few minutes. She was relieved, because lord knows she wouldn't have been able to stop kissing him if the entire Kiss Army invaded her apartment at that moment.

They both regarded each other, not sure what to say now. Ignore it and hope it goes away, or just give into it and let the pieces fall where they may; accept the consequences and deal with the fallout.

Maybe it would come to that. But for now…apparently ignorance was bliss.

"Hmm. I think I see now where I have some room for improvement. I'll try again with Amy soon. Well, I guess I should go, Leonard will be home soon, and you should go to bed."

"Oh. Yeah. Good idea. Good night, Sheldon." She stood up to walk him to the door.

"Good night, Penny. Thank you." Neither of them knew what he was thanking her for, and neither of them cared.

"You're welcome, sweetie." They stood together, lingering, hoping, wishing. Sheldon opened his mouth to say something, then he closed it.

He took one last look at her, the expression on his face and the darkness in his eyes tearing a hole right through her. Then he left. Penny was alone with her thoughts, and she couldn't help but think about how completely and utterly fucked her life had just become.


	4. Chapter 4

It was dark and quiet and sexy and she didn't know where they even were, but it didn't matter. Because they were kissing. So much kissing. And touching. And nothing was forbidden and nobody felt guilty and there was so much passion and moaning and crying out, hands and fingers and tongues everywhere. And then Penny woke up. And she wanted to go back to sleep and not face the reality that the dream exposed.

Fortunately for Penny, she didn't have much time to dwell on what the hell was going on in her subconscious. It was time to go to work, where she was also focused on making out with handsome men. Which, she quickly realized, wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Penny was playing April Archer, the newest resident of Fire Lake. She was, of course, the evil twin sister of the resident nice girl in town, ironically played by her nemesis Elena. Most of Penny's time on screen so far consisted of nearly-pornagraphic sex scenes with Hunter Hudson, who played Elena's supposedly devoted and faithful husband. Penny was glad she'd been working out lately; so far she'd barely worn an entire outfit unless it consisted of lingerie.

Annie, the casting director, told her, "Don't worry, Penny. You'll get real scenes soon. We just need you to cause some scandal before we give you a lot of dialogue." And Penny was okay with that. First of all, she liked to cause scandals—there had been quite a few of them back in Nebraska. Plus, she was getting a steady paycheck (first thing she did: bought a new car. It was this adorable 2010 Prius and she loved it more than she ever loved anything in her life.) and people were starting to talk about her on the internet and she'd been asked for her autograph three times in the last week. Things were happening. Finally.

There was one thing she wasn't so excited about, and that was Hunter Hudson himself. Of course, he was almost obscenely gorgeous. Long, flowing black hair, green eyes, just a hint of stubble at all times, and the most amazing, full lips. Penny had almost looked forward to making out with him for hours at a time-that is until she got a whiff of his breath. It was always something different. Some days it was onions, some days it was garlic. Some days it was just...gross. Something she couldn't even identify. It wasn't fair. Penny went out of her way to make sure her breath was minty fresh at all times, but Hunter didn't seem to get the memo about that.

Well, no one ever sad Penny was a subtle kind of gal.

At craft services one day, she saw Hunter going for the garlic bagel.

"Um, Hunter, we have a scene coming up. Maybe you could, uh, go for the plain bagel instead?"

"Why would I want to do that?" He looked genuinely confused. Maybe it was because she was daring to speak to him outside of a scene. The set of this soap opera was like the high school cafeteria and Penny was not one of the cool kids. She had barely any experience, nobody had ever heard of her, and Elena had probably done quite a bit of talking out of her ass before anyone had actually met Penny. It was a challenge, and Penny wasn't sure if she was capable of rising up to meet it.

"Well, um, garlic makes your breath a little...well, you know...bad. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love garlic. Have you tried Garlic Butter Ritz Crackers? Mmm, yummy! But, um, maybe you could eat it after the scene or something?"

Hunter just stared at her and walked away shaking his head. Well, that didn't go as planned.

Another factor that was making her scenes with Hunter uncomfortable was his wife's constant presence on the set. Geneva Hudson, who was infamous in her own right, had been on Fire Lake when it first started and now she was a producer on the show. Everyone loved and respected her; she was basically soap opera royalty. And she was on the sidelines during every single scene Penny and Hunter had.

"More tongue, Peggy! Lick his lip. Bite it. Come on, put some umphh into it!" Geneva would say from her chair by the monitor. "Don't be afraid to give him a boner! Trust me, it's easy."

Everyone on set would laugh but Penny was always horrified, and not just because Geneva always got her name wrong. It was times like this when she kind of wished she and Elena were better friends. Elena had been playing Hunter's wife on the show for a few months and Penny could use some tips. But when she actually asked for them, Elena was not all that receptive.

"Wow, I thought you were a professional, Penny," Elena said when Penny made the mistake of sitting next to her at lunch. She wanted to pick Elena's brain; figure out what her strategy should be, but she forgot one thing-Elena was a supreme bitch. "You can't make out with a guy when his wife is staring at you? And you think his breath is bad? Have you even seen how hot he is? I hardly think his breath would matter. Maybe you're not cut out for the soap opera world. Maybe I should let Annie know. We recast people all the time, I'm sure nobody would notice."

Penny desperately wanted to show her how they dealt with girls like Elena back in Nebraska, but she was still so new and, well, Elena was right. They were always recasting people on soap operas. Her biggest break could be her last break. She'd get the boot and no one would ever miss her. She'd just disappear into the acting void and never be heard from again. The thought was so ridiculously depressing, she could barely comprehend it.

"Oh, that's not necessary. I was just asking. No big deal."

Elena chuckled. "Get it together, Penny. This _is_ a big deal. If you fuck up, you won't get a second chance."

And then Penny was left alone to ponder that as she ate her sad little salad. All she wanted was French fries and pizza, but she wasn't soap opera-weight to begin with, so salads were her new best friend.

Sighing, Penny wondered why this experience was sucking so bad. And what if she did fuck it up? If she did, she might as well pack her bags and head back to Nebraska. Move back in with her parents. Say good-bye to Leonard and their beta test. Never see Sheldon and all his endearing dorkiness again.

It was the thought of never seeing Sheldon again; of never seeing that pure joy on his face when he got a new toy he loved or when he solved a difficult physics thingie or how he closed his eyes right before he kissed her that made Penny take it to the next level in her scene that afternoon. She didn't even care about Hunter's breath. She had a job to do, and damn it, she was going to act her ass off as if her life depended on it. Which, she realized, it kinda did.

*****

It was Halo night. Sheldon always looked forward to Halo night. He especially enjoyed Halo night when Penny was there to help him destroy the other guys, and it took him a long, long time to admit that to himself. Possibly even years. But since Amy had come into his life, he was looking at things differently. Not only had he opened himself up to a romantic attachment with Amy, but he'd realized that he enjoyed having Penny around. She was nice to look at, first of all. And she was an effective video game player. And although it took a while to adjust to her presence, Sheldon now understood that he wouldn't exactly know what to do without her in his life. He did see the irony in realizing that only because of Amy's influence on him.

And Sheldon really did like Amy, at least most of the time. She was an academic and even if he didn't find her work to be interesting in the slightest, he was happy to bask in her intelligence. They made an incredibly smart, intellectual pair and together they could really do some fascinating work. But late at night when he had trouble sleeping and got tired of counting the doctors from Doctor Who, he'd let himself focus on the one thing that really bothered him about Amy—he just wasn't attracted to her. The kissing was fine and good but it never made him feel the same way as when Penny kissed him. And even if he didn't have much experience with relationships and romance, Sheldon knew that wasn't exactly a good thing.

He hadn't seen Penny in a few days, which was probably better for both of them. Tonight she was out with Amy and Bernadette on what she called "a much needed girls night out". And lately, he hadn't seen her much because she was always working. Either at the Cheesecake Factory or on that awful soap opera. He wanted to be supportive, he really did. But the show was vapid and ridiculous and disgusting and he fast-forwarded through everything but Penny's scenes.

Something happens when he watches Penny kiss that...that neanderthal on TV. It's not dissimilar to what Sheldon feels when he sees Penny and Leonard kiss. It's not jealousy or lust or anything like that. At least, he doesn't think so. He just doesn't like it. He wants to turn the TV on in disgust and go read one of his comic books or something. But instead his eyes are glued to the screen, reacting somehow to Penny in lingerie, Penny naked under the sheets, Penny's naked thigh, Penny's naked shoulder. Whatever is happening to Sheldon, he doesn't understand. it's completely foreign to him. And he doesn't like it. Well, he likes it a little. From a purely scientific standpoint, of course.

During a break from Halo, they watched Penny's scenes on the DVR (again). This was the only part of the evening where no one spoke. Sheldon wasn't keen on the idea of Howard and Raj drooling over Penny's overt sexuality, but what could he do? He didn't own her. He wasn't her boyfriend. And much to his surprise, Penny's actual boyfriend didn't seem to mind.

"Dude, how are you cool with Penny making out with this guy? Look where her tongue is. Look where his tongue is! That can't be good for your manhood!"

Leonard shook his head. "I'm okay with it."

"How could you possibly be okay with that?" Howard asked, never taking his eyes off the screen.

"I just am. Maybe the first time Penny and I dated, I wouldn't have been okay with it. But this time around, I sort of have to be. It's her career and I'm trying to be supportive. No, it's not easy. But I don't want to lose her because of my insecurities. Plus, Penny hates that guy. His breath is really bad or something. And he's kind of an ass. So it actually makes me look better in comparison!"

Sheldon felt uneasy for a moment and eventually figured out it was due to his...guilt? Leonard was growing as a human being and Sheldon respected that. And he felt a shred of, yes, guilt, for the impromptu make-out sessions in Penny's apartment. Although they were beneficial to his relationship with Amy, he figured it was probably the opposite for Penny and her relationship with Leonard. It was a slippery slope, he was learning. He made a promise to himself that he wouldn't ask Penny for any more advice. It was just the right thing to do. For a moment, Sheldon pictured her lips and her tongue and her pink cheeks and knew he would miss it all. But it was for the best. At least that's what he tried to tell himself.

"That's so moving, dude. Much respect." Raj took a huge gulp of beer and returned his attention back to Penny's assets on TV.

"I didn't know Penny's breasts were so…luscious," Howard said, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head. "I mean, I always knew they were something special, but look at them! They're like little globes covered in the fabric of love, like the most delicious-" He stopped when he saw Leonard glaring at him.

"I'm not as insecure as I used to be but I will punch you in the face."

"Howard, aren't you getting married soon? You should be ashamed of yourself," Sheldon added.

"I can look at the menu, I just can't order!" Howard said, and Leonard threw a cushion at him.

Sheldon shook his head, pretending to be disgusted by the conversation. But Howard was right-Penny had amazing breasts. Now if only he could just stop thinking about them when he closed his eyes...

*****

Over drinks at their favorite dive bar in Pasadena, Bernadette, Amy and Penny were trying to have intellectual conversations that centered around work and studying and the latest news around the globe—oh, who are we kidding, they were talking about boys. And sex. That's where their conversations always seemed to lead to, sadly. For three intelligent women (okay, two intelligent women and one really smart one), it was kind of ridiculous the way their minds never stopped thinking about the opposite sex. Maybe the two pitchers of margaritas contributed to their dirty mindsets.

"Tell us about Hunter," Amy said after downing her third glass. "I find him to be very sexually desirable. Those manly calves of his do something to my anatomy. Tell me, Penny…he looks like a good kisser. Is he a good kisser?"

"Not really," Penny said sadly. "He uses way too much tongue. I feel like he's trying to give me a dental exam in there."

"He doesn't turn you on at all? From the way you two look in bed on TV, it seems like he'd be the perfect lover," Bernadette said.

"Let me remind you, we're not _actually_ having sex, okay? Let me make that clear. I mean, he's hot and sometimes it's fun to pretend, but it's work. We're getting directions the whole time. The director is like, 'Hunter, put your hand on Peggy's ass. Slap it. Rub it. Bite her lip. Pull her hair.' It's so unsexy."

"That's rather disappointing. He looks like quite an adequate lovemaking partner."

Penny stared at Amy. "Since when have you been so interested in adequate lovemaking partners?"

"I don't know. I guess it's all the making out Sheldon and I have been doing lately. It's really opening my eyes to all the experience I've been lacking my whole life. It's a fascinating experiment, really."

"Penny told us what making out with Hunter is like. Now, Amy, I'm dying to know—what's it like to make out with the great Dr. Sheldon Cooper? I really want to know!" Bernadette said, and giggled like it was the most outrageous thing she'd ever heard.

For one weird second, Penny thought about answering Bernadette's question. That would have surely made for a more interesting night than they'd planned. But she let Amy answer instead. Plus, she was interested, too. How was Sheldon doing after their two…lessons?

"He's an adequate kisser, I suppose. I guess I don't have much to compare it to, but I just thought it would have more...zuzu. You know? That feeling in the pit of your stomach that I always see described in fiction. But I still find myself wanting more from my tall drink of water boyfriend. But he's only agreed to first base and I have to make him sign a contract if we want to move to second base."

"How…romantic," Penny said, and felt a pang of guilt shoot through her. Because she couldn't help but think that she would not need a contract to convince Sheldon to go to second base. Oh, shit, now it was in her head. She saw those long fingers pulling down the straps of her tank top...

"Um, Amy, why don't you give the guy a chance? He has more experience with petri dishes than he does with women. Show him what you want. Kiss him how you want to be kissed. Show a little initiative, it'll go a long way."

"You're right, bestie, as usual. He likes it when I'm assertive. You know, the other night, I bit his lip like he did to me, and he got this big grin on his face and said-"

Penny couldn't deal with this. Could not. Maybe it was the alcohol but she just couldn't listen to Amy talk about this. So she changed the subject abruptly, hoping Amy wouldn't notice the weirdness in her shaky voice. "So, Bernadette, how's the wedding planning going?"

"Oh, it's fine. I'm so excited for our wedding night," Bernadette said cheerfully. "I mean, yeah, we do it like bunnies already. But we'll officially be married and God won't hate me anymore."

Penny patted her friend's shoulder. She had grown quite fond of Bernadette over the last year or so, but she'd never understand her. She'd never understand anyone who would agree to marry Howard Wolowitz, much less have sex with the guy.

"Bestie, how's your sex life lately?" Amy asked, slurring ever so slightly. "I bet Leonard's a love machine."

"I wouldn't say machine, exactly. But he's really good with the foreplay." A little too good, she'd sometimes think. Sometimes she just wanted to get it over with. That was normal, right?

They ordered another pitcher of margaritas and tried to talk about other things. They asked her more questions about Fire Lake and Penny tried not to destroy their hopes and dreams with how unstable she felt in her new job, and how the actors on the set were a bunch of back-stabbing bitches. Let the girls have their fantasies. God knows Penny had her share of them.

An hour later, the cab brought them back to the apartment, where they were going to have a sleepover. But before they crashed at Penny's, they invaded the boys' apartment first.

"Hey, honey," Leonard said, and gave Penny a kiss. "Whew, you smell like a brewery. Did you girls have fun?"

"Oh, yes. Amy is so...interesting when she's had a few too many," Penny said. In fact, Amy had cornered Sheldon and was trying to drunkenly make out with him. And if Penny thought Amy just talking about kissinsg Sheldon made her crazy, watching the actual act made her want to scream. This wasn't normal. This wasn't good. This was, in fact, bad.

But...Penny was drunk and vulnerable and playing with fire appealed to her in this state of mind. So while Amy was in the bathroom and Bernadette and Howard were arguing about something and Raj and Leonard were deep in discussion about Klingons vs. Daleks, Penny found Sheldon in the kitchen, making some tea.

"Hi," she said. "I haven't seen you in a few days. How are you?"

"Well, despite the assault I just endured from a drunken Amy, I'm doing well. I did miss your presence during Halo, though. I lost to Howard and Raj. Imagine how that made me feel."

"Sorry, sweetie. I'll try to make it up to you next week."

He smiled and nodded and she wanted to kiss his cheek. She knew she should turn around and take Bernadette and Amy to her apartment, where they'd braid each other's hair and paint each other's nails, but she had something else on her mind. And since Sheldon had been the one to initiate the last two lessons (that's what they were calling it, right?), she decided to take matters into her own hands this time. She was Penny, big ol' five, after all. She didn't wait around for anybody. Even when her morals were extremely questionable.

"Hey, um, I was wondering...I got a new script today. Maybe you could come over tomorrow night, after you do your laundry, of course, and read some lines with me?"

Sheldon's face lit up and it was possibly the sexiest thing she'd ever seen.

"Yes, I would like that very much. Your show is, um, interesting. I'd like to see what happens with your character."

Well, they both knew that was a lie but she didn't call him on it.

"Cool. Well...see you then."

"Yes. I'll be looking forward to it."

They smiled at each other and then Amy was out of the restroom and Bernadette and Howard finished their argument and Raj and Leonard decided Klingons were far more bad ass than Daleks, and the night ended peacefully. Penny took her friends to her apartment. Before she closed the door, though, she met Sheldon's eyes. He kind of nodded and waved and she reciprocated. And back in her apartment, after her two drunk friends had passed out on her bed, she couldn't sleep. Because she couldn't stop thinking about what was inevitably going to happen after laundry night tomorrow.

They were in so much trouble, and it was only the beginning.


	5. Chapter 5

Penny woke up the next day feeling an odd mixture of ashamed, excited, frustrated, horny, and every other emotion that was available to experience. However, the good news was, she got to put on her uniform and work at the Cheesecake Factory for eight hours. Except that wasn't good news because she hated that stupid place with every fiber of her being. Penny was making good money on Fire Lake but she wanted to make sure her job was stable before she quit the Factory. Her manager would never hire her again if she came crawling back after resigning.

Since Penny could do her job blindfolded and handcuffed, she spent most of the day thinking about the soap opera her life had become. While she served burger after burger, salad after salad, soup after soup, and endured every pervy middle-aged man who stared at her boobs or her ass when they were ordering, she thought about Sheldon and what they were going to be doing that evening. They were going to "read lines" together, but that was a (very) thinly veiled excuse to make out like teenagers. Possibly more than make out; she couldn't rule it out. How could she possibly do that to Leonard? Poor, unsuspecting Leonard. He loved her. He hadn't said it yet because he was trying as hard as possible to take their beta test slow and sweet, but Penny knew he loved her. It was in every smile, every kiss, every longing glance in her direction. So why was she doing this to him? Not to mention Amy. Amy, her bestie, a quirky gal that Penny had become awfully fond of in a very short time. It was wrong. She was a bad person. Her morals were extremely questionable. She needed to see Sheldon and end it.

During her break, she texted Leonard in a preemptive strike.

_Hey, babe, busy tonight? Maybe we can watch a movie and cuddle :)_

He didn't text her back for an hour. When he did, Penny sighed, because she wasn't surprised in the slightest.

_Would love to, but I have to work late. Dr. Gablehauser has all the theoretical physicists working on this big project for the university. Rain check?_

Penny shook her head. He was always working late these days and since she was so busy with her jobs, they barely saw each other anymore. He couldn't ask his boss for one measly Saturday night off?

 _I guess_...she texted back, hoping to convey her annoyance with the situation.

_Don't be like that. Some time next week, your place, we'll order pizza and I'll bring the wine._

"Some time next week?" Penny said out loud, earning the look of everyone within earshot.

 _Yeah, cool. Have a good night._ She shoved her phone back in the pocket of her apron and ignored the buzzing of his latest text. Whatever.

As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, Penny knew one thing for sure-she was going to see Sheldon tonight, and she was looking forward to it. She could deal with her guilty conscience later. Because all she could see when she closed her eyes were Sheldon's lips.

*****

Sheldon was practically giddy with excitement. He had just received the most amazing piece of news and he wanted to tell everyone he had ever met. Actually, the person he wanted to tell the most was Penny. What was that about?

Instead, he did what he thought was expected of him when he received such good news and texted Amy. She came over an hour later, which he appreciated. Sheldon was not always sure how he felt about his girlfriend, but he appreciated her promptness and willingness to drop everything to come share in his good news.

"Hello, Amy. Thank you for coming. You look lovely today." Penny had given him a lesson about distributing compliments to Amy and he had taken notes. Amy seemed to always respond positively to his compliments, not sensing that he was mostly doing it out of obligation rather than fact.

"Thank you, Sheldon. This is in fact one of my fancier skirts, and I think this sweater set brings out the curve of my breasts. Anyway, what's the good news? I'm absolutely frothing at the mouth in anticipation."

She wasn't frothing at the mouth. Her mouth was just as hygienic and clean as usual. However, Sheldon didn't feel like correcting her at the moment.

"I've been informed that since Leonard's trip to Switzerland to view the Large Hadron Collider was such a terrible failure, they want to send someone else during the summer this year. My name was put on a short list, and cooler heads prevailed and decided I should go. Isn't that fantastic? I'll finally be able to put the finishing touches on my Higgs Boson Particle research! The Nobel Prize is in my sight. Can you see it? Can you smell it?"

Amy frowned for a moment. "Well, no, I can't smell it. But that is terribly exciting news. I know it's important to you and your heart broke when you didn't get to go with Leonard last time due to your sickness. With whom are you going on this trip with, if I may ask?"

"You may ask. I was told I could bring anyone. I thought about asking Leonard but he would be useless to me on the trip, and he screwed it up so badly last time. Raj has already been. Howard will be in space." He even thought about asking Penny, but he knew she would be busy with her TV show. Even though Sheldon was somewhat clueless about human relationships, he was aware the mere thought of asking Penny to come with him on a trip of that nature would cause friction with both Leonard and Amy. It would make for an interesting journey, though, that was for sure. Sheldon tried not to think about it, especially with his girlfriend sitting three inches away.

"So are you just going by yourself?"

"No, Amy. You and I both know that I'm going to ask you to come with me. I thought it might be a good experience for us. Maybe you can do some work while we're in Switzerland. And you can help me with my research, too." The two of them did make a good team when it came to academics, and Sheldon saw the practicality of asking Amy to come with him. He really was trying to be a better boyfriend. Well, except for that whole making out with Penny thing. But that was research. He could tell Amy about it right now and she would probably understand, since it was in the name of research. But he didn't. Because he wasn't stupid.

Amy smiled and hugged Sheldon closely for a moment. He allowed it; she was excited and deserved to share her excitement, he supposed.

"Oh, Sheldon! Thank you! I cannot tell you how much this means to me. We will get so much work accomplished in our journey. Do you think this calls for a make-out session?"

Sheldon checked his watch. "Well, it's 7:55..."

"Oh, right, laundry night. Well, I do not want to get in your way. I will see you later this week for a make-out session. Perhaps I can convince you to agree to second base? I'm not asking for much here, Sheldon. Maybe just a gentle graze of the breast or something?" Amy looked absolutely delighted with the mere thought of such a thing. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, like even picturing it was enough to satisfy her. Which Sheldon kind of hoped it would.

"I'll think about it, Amy," he said impatiently.

Amy smiled again. "Great! Well, I'll see you later, then. Have fun with laundry! Tell Penny I said hi. I'd stop by and say hello but my monkey needs more cigarettes. You know how he gets."

Sheldon nodded and allowed for one more hug before Amy bounded off into the night. As soon as she was out of sight, his thoughts once again turned to Penny, and what was going to happen when he was finished with his laundry. What were they getting themselves into here? Obviously, he knew they weren't just going to "practice her lines". How could he maintain a positive, healthy, trusting relationship with Amy if he was keeping secrets from her? Sheldon didn't know the answer to that question, which confused him because he knew the answers to most questions.

All he knew was that very soon, he'd be in Penny's apartment, looking at her lips, feeling them on his, touching her soft face, and looking into her emerald eyes. It was so odd; just a few weeks ago, he'd never thought of Penny like that. Now he couldn't stop thinking about her like that. Obviously he always knew she was an attractive woman, and not just because Leonard, Howard and Raj fell all over themselves to impress her in the early days. She was classically beautiful; the kind of woman that men wanted to paint and write poetry and novels about. But he'd never had sexual feelings for her until very recently. It was jarring. He didn't know what to do with himself.

Sighing, Sheldon went down to the laundry room and tried to focus on anything else other than Penny's lips. He wasn't surprised when he couldn't. This wasn't like him. Sheldon wasn't familiar with a crisis of morals, or whatever trick his mind was playing to make him not care as much as he should. Because even though he knew it was wrong; even if he didn't want to feel the way he did, Sheldon was going to see Penny tonight. And he was going to kiss her. And nothing was going to stop him, morals be damned.

*****

As soon as Penny got home from work, she threw her uniform in the hamper and went to work on cleaning her apartment. Sheldon would be there soon and she knew how he felt about cleanliness. It was important to him, so it was important to her.

After doing a decent job of cleaning, Penny took a long shower, dried and curled her hair, put on one of her sexier tank tops and very short shorts, lit some candles, and put on some music. Radiohead, of course. Sheldon needed an education. And around 10:15, there was the customary knock at her door. She answered on the last "Penny!" and there he was. He looked...good. Damn good. As well as nervous, which perfectly matched her own feelings.

"Hey, Sheldon. Thanks for coming. How was your day?"

"Oh, it was fantastic, thank you for asking. I spent the morning watching a Voyager marathon, and then I was summoned to work where I received notice that I will be going to Switzerland in the summer."

Penny's eyes lit up. "Really? To see the Large Hadron Collider thingy? That is so amazing, Sheldon! I'm excited for you. I promise I won't get any germs on you that week."

"Thank you, I appreciate your forethought, Penny. After I received that bit of good news, Amy came over for a few minutes and then went home to give her monkey cigarettes."

Penny nodded, as if this was a perfectly normal turn of events. "Oh, cool, so are you taking her to Switzerland, then?"

"Well, yes. I thought it would be good for the advancement of both of our careers."

"That's nice of you, Sheldon. I'm sure Amy is ecstatic that she gets to spend that much time with you."

Sheldon knew Penny well enough to sense that she wasn't completely excited about it. The look on her face, the tone of her voice made him feel like she was not pleased in the slightest. He didn't ask why. There was something in her eyes that told him she didn't want to talk about it.

Penny and Sheldon took their usual spots on her sofa. Penny drank some wine and Sheldon asked for a cup of tea. For a while, they watched an episode of Ghost Whisperer that Penny had on before he came over. It was one of her guilty pleasures and she knew Sheldon would hate it, but either he was completely zoning out or he didn't mind watching it with her, because he refrained from commenting about how ghosts were ridiculous and completely implausible.

Someone was going to have to get things started here. Maybe nobody would make a move and they'd just enjoy each other's company for the evening. That would be okay. But Penny couldn't stop thinking about kissing Sheldon. All week. It had consumed her, really. So the thoughtof not kissing him made her panic a bit, and she decided to go with a new approach.

"Sheldon?"

"Hmm?" He said, taking his eyes off Jennifer Love Hewitt's ample cleavage.

"Do you want to, uh, practice my lines with me now?"

"Actually, I was wondering something..."

Penny waited for him to finish this intriguing sentence. But he didn't. He was fidgeting adorably. So she poked him in the arm lightly and said, "What were you wondering, sweetie?"

"Amy mentioned she wanted to go to second base next week. I've been putting it off but I think I would like to try it. The only problem is, I don't know exactly what second base consists of...I mean, I've googled it and I have a basic idea, but..."

Penny smiled. "I can help. I may not be able to help the great Dr. Sheldon Cooper with many things, but second base I can deal with."

"Excellent. I knew I could count on you, Penny."

"Of course, sweetie. Are you ready?" Sheldon nodded, so she took his hand and said, "Now, um, well, scoot closer, okay?"

Sheldon scooted. They gazed in each other's eyes for a moment. Penny was going to start explaining when he leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss. A starter kiss, one that was meant to linger, to question. To question if they were both on the same page. And by the length of the kiss and amount of tongue Sheldon used, Penny knew they were. So she sank into it and allowed it to happen and soon enough, they were making out. It was wrong. One of them should have put a stop to it. Yet they couldn't tear themselves away. Not that they wanted to. Penny was used to following her lustful desires, but this was a brand new feeling for Sheldon. And while he knew it was only going to cause trouble, for once he let himself follow his instincts; surrender to his baser urges. There would be time to analyze this later. For now, all he could see were her lips. All he could feel was her tongue. And for now, that was all he wanted.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the most amazing lips?" Penny whispered when they came up for air. She knew she shouldn't have said it. But she couldn't help it-Sheldon had the most amazing lips.

"Meemaw used to tell me I had better lips than Jimmy Stewart," Sheldon said. "But that's probably not what you mean."

Penny giggled. "No. No, it's not." Then they were kissing again and his hands were in her hair and her hands were reaching under his shirt, wrapping themselves around his back, feeling the smooth, warm skin. He moaned, and there was more kissing.

"Okay," Penny practically whispered, "Okay. Now, I want you to touch me. Whatever feels natural to you. Use your instincts." She was hoping that would work and she wouldn't actually have to instruct him to touch her breasts. That would kind of take the fun out of it.

To her surprise and delight, he reached out to touch her. So softly, she couldn't even feel it at first. Then he found a nipple, played with it a bit, and soon it was standing straight up.

"Fascinating," Sheldon said, apparently intrigued by this new biological development. He touched the other nipple to make it stand up, too. This was the most interesting research he'd ever participated in. He could possibly write a paper on it. Yes, that would make this activity more legitimate.

"Under my shirt," she said quietly. Soon enough, his hands were under her tank, grazing her stomach, the soft skin under her breasts, the gentle curve, and finally the nipple. Sheldon's hand on her breast made her catch her breath. It was...she didn't know what it was, but it was good.

"You can take my shirt off if you want." He did, and he stared at her for a good 15 seconds before continuing his exploration. Before she even had to suggest it, his lips wrapped around her nipple, tasting it, flicking it with his tongue, grazing it with his teeth. Ohhh, how could something so wrong feel so right? It wasn't fair.

"Kiss me again, Sheldon. Please." He obeyed. He stuck his tongue in her mouth while his hands roamed around her back, her stomach, and her breasts. She knew he was exploring and didn't exactly know what he was doing, but it all felt good. Being this exposed to Sheldon was turning her on in every way possible.

"Penny...I want more. I want to touch you. More." It seemed like that was all he was capable of saying. Penny had finally found the perfect way to shut him up.

She smiled and said, "Okay, Sheldon. Touch me. It's okay." It only took a second for her to wriggle out of her shorts. However, before he could do anything, she took his hand and led him to her bedroom. They both collapsed on her bed.

Penny took Sheldon's hands and led it to her stomach. He seemed to sense what to do at that point. His fingers grazed the bottom of her stomach and slowly inched their way down. Soon he was dipping his fingers inside, barely touching anything important. And then, there it was. He touched her clit, and she moaned. "That's good, Sheldon. That's my clitoris. Touch it softly at first, and then harder, and then faster."

He did as she instructed, and she nearly screamed from the pleasure of it all. Yes, Leonard was good at foreplay, but it was almost mechanical at this point. Sheldon was in it to win it. They were obviously way past second base but neither of them wanted to stop.

"Okay, now go down further...stick a finger inside of me."

Sheldon gasped a little. "You're so...wet!"

"Yes, you did that all by yourself, sweetie. Amy will probably be wet, too. So just-oh, my god, fuck!" His finger was inside of her, and it was long, and it hit her g-spot and she nearly screamed. "Do you feel that, Sheldon?"

"Yes. I believe that's the infamous g-spot, correct?"

"Yes. Stick another finger inside of me, please." He did, and spent a few minutes touching her, pumping his fingers in and out, touching her clit, basically throwing her into a world of orgasms she had never visited before. How was he so good at this?

"Does this feel good?"

"Oh, fuck, yes. What is it like for you?"

In the darkness, she couldn't see the expression on his face. "It's...warm. And sticky, but nice. I like that I made you so wet. And I have to admit that I'm more curious than ever to know what coitus feels like."

That was something they would have to address at a later time. Penny was many things, but a virginity stealer wasn't one of them. Well, at least not tonight.

After she had a ridiculously amazing orgasm, she composed herself, smiled, and reached down to touch the rising situation in Sheldon's pants. He gasped a little.

"Penny..."

"It's okay, I'm not going to do anything you're not comfortable with, okay? Amy will be curious about your body, too. She'll want to touch you like you touch her. If you don't like it, just tell me and I'll stop right away." She hated to bring up Amy so much, but they were technically doing it for Amy's benefit, right? At least she tried to keep up the pretense of that. It was a flimsy argument, Penny knew that, but hell, she was horny. And Sheldon was good at this.

Sheldon nodded, still not able to use actual words. She got on her knees and unzipped his pants. She cupped his warmth through his tighty whities and watched his expression. His eyes were closed and he looked confused but aroused. After a moment of this, curiosity got the better of her and she took out his cock. It was massively hard and it was, in fact, aesthetically pleasing and functional. It wasn't gigantic or anything but it was impressive. She wanted him, more than anything, to experience new pleasures.

At first, she just stroked it lightly. Then as soon as he got used to the rhythm, she started stroking it faster. And faster. Sheldon was moaning quietly and gripping the sheets tightly.

"I'm going to put my mouth on it now, okay?" She liked watching him while she jacked him off, but she wanted him to know what oral sex felt like. He was in his thirties, he deserved to know.

"Like...fellatio?" He managed to say, and she stifled a laugh.

"Yes, honey, fellatio. Although, I like to call it a blow job, but whatever works for you."

"I find that to be agreeable, but, Penny...please go slowly, I don't know how much more of this I can take." It was barely more than a whisper-his breathing was so heavy he could barely talk. Penny enjoyed the effect she was having on him. It had been a long time since anyone had reacted to her this way. And she realized that it was his innocence that turned her on the most. Oh, boy.

Penny took him in her mouth and he moaned loudly. To her surprise, his cock was too big for her to deep throat it with the kind of gusto she was used to, but she did her best.

It didn't take long before Sheldon was moaning her name. "Penny...Penny...oh, my god, Penny!" She had all kinds of tricks up her sleeve to drive a man crazy during this process but she didn't need them; at least not this time. Soon, a warm liquid flowed into her mouth, and she swallowed just like a good Nebraska girl always did.

Penny wondered how Sheldon was normally so freaked out about germs and yet none of this...stuff fazed him in the slightest. Maybe he was finally allowing himself to be in the moment and not worry about all the circumstances. She was glad he was so comfortable with her, but that was just yet another thing to add to the guilty conscience.

The two of them lay together silently for a few minutes, digesting what had just happened. In those moments, Penny knew this wasn't just about sex. She wanted to make Sheldon happy. She wanted to be the one to give him these experiences for the first time. At some point, she would have to face the fact that she had feelings for Sheldon that went beyond anything she'd ever thought about before. The making out and the orgasms were just making everything more intense. This was not a good situation and they needed to distance themselves from the new sensations and get a grip on what was happening here. And they would. Soon.

After Sheldon made her rinse with mouthwash and he'd washed his hands about eight times, he said, "Well, I guess I should go now. Thank you for the enlightening experience. I'm sure Amy will be pleased."

"Yeah. Amy."

Sheldon turned to open the door to leave, but instead he grabbed her and kissed her hard. Forcefully. Not tender in the slightest. It was so hot; she wanted to drag him back into the bedroom. Then, as suddenly as it happened, he opened the door and without a word, he was gone.

Penny went into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn't thinking about Sheldon, and she wasn't thinking about Leonard. The only thought in her head at that moment was, Holy crap on a cracker, I am so fucked.


	6. Chapter 6

Penny could break up with Leonard.

Sheldon could break up with Amy.

Penny and Sheldon could start dating. Officially. Be together. All the time.

Or they could just stop making out.

Or they could carry on this "affair" (no doubt, that's what it was becoming) and just ignore their morals and guilty consciences forever.

Or Penny could move back to Nebraska and not have to make a choice.

Maybe Leonard and/or Amy could discover what was going on and all hell would break loose and they'd have to deal with the fallout for months, possibly even years.

Penny didn't like a single one of these options. Breaking up with Leonard didn't appeal to her for a number of reasons. Despite the current situation, she really did care about him. They had fun together most of the time. It was a very comfortable, easy relationship. And it would break his heart, especially if she started dating Sheldon right away. It would definitely cause a huge rift in Leonard and Sheldon's friendship and she didn't want to be the reason they weren't friends anymore. And Amy. Amy cared about Sheldon very much, even if he didn't exactly know how to treat her right because he was so clueless about relationships. And she had come to depend on Penny for advice and she'd be confused and sad and angry if Sheldon broke up with her to date Penny.

Not to mention, Penny wasn't completely sure if she wanted to date Sheldon. Sheldon hadn't expressed his desire for that to happen, either. Right or wrong, she'd always been able to separate dating and sex. While she had feelings for Sheldon, she thought he'd make a crappy boyfriend, and although Leonard wasn't her dream man or anything, he was a perfectly good boyfriend. He treated her well, took care of her, made sure she was happy most of the time.

Therefore, she was pretty sure she didn't want to do anything to upset any of the existing relationships. However, nor did Penny want to stop what she had going on with Sheldon. After spending way too much time pondering the situation, she concluded that she was somewhat addicted to it. To making him feel these brand new sensations. To getting him off for the first time. To educating him on how to get her off. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel his warm, curious hand on her breasts. She didn't want that to stop. Not now. Not any time soon.

"Penny? What the hell is wrong with you? They just called your name like five times on the P.A.," Elena said, interrupting Penny's dirty thoughts. They were both sitting in hair and make-up and Penny was zoning out while they made her up for the next scene. This Sheldon thing was really getting to her-she rarely just completely forgot her entire existence like that.

"Oh, sorry! Boy problems." Out of anything she could have said, Penny thought boy problems would be the one thing that Elena would understand and relate with. Surely Elena would understand that...surely she'd had some boy problems at some point in her life. Right?

"Seriously? If I were you, I would keep that kind of thing to myself. So unprofessional." Elena shook her head and Penny was sure she heard Elena say "But what else is new" under her breath when she turned to walk away.

Penny sighed and composed herself. Although Elena was the biggest bitch in all the land, unfortunately she was right. While Penny was at work, personal problems should be the last thing on her mind. God knows she had enough issues as it is at work. She had made no friends, in fact, nobody seemed to know she existed until the rare occasion when she messed up a word or a line even just a tiny bit. Then people would talk about it for days and the director would give her a talking-to. There was no doubt she had to step it up or her dreams would come crashing to a halt.

Penny quickly made her way to the set, excited that she had an actual scene with someone other than Hunter. It was a big day on Fire Lake-Penny's character was about to reveal herself to Elena's character as her evil twin sister who had left town as a teenager. Sometimes when she was really bored, Penny would read the soap opera forums, and there was much anticipation for this scene to finally happen.

"Penny, thanks so much for giving us the pleasure of your company," the director said icily. Penny cringed. "So let's take it from the top. I hope you two brought your inner bitch to the show today."

 _Elena brings it every day_ , Penny thought to herself, and then her scene started and she and Elena both went for the jugular. It was Penny's longest and most-clothed scene ever, and the two of them went note for note, word for word, and insult for insult. Penny got a chance to finally use her chops and she was trying as hard as possible to keep up with Elena, who was much more experienced. She had to admit, it was fun. It seemed like she and Elena had an undeniable chemistry. Maybe the off-screen tension is what made it so electrical.

"Cut! Fantastic, Penny! Really great stuff! We're going to have to make sure the two of you are in a lot more scenes together." The director actually smiled at Penny and she couldn't help but smile back. It was nice to know that all the effort was worth something, and she didn't just mean for that scene.

Elena and Penny walked back to their dressing rooms silently. Before Penny ducked into hers, Elena said, "Nice work, Midwest. I thought for sure you were going to fuck that up. However, you surprised me. Very few people surprise me. I look forward to our future scenes." Then she was gone.

Penny waited until her door closed to shriek with joy. Things were finally happening. Everything was going to work out, at least for a little while.

Now if her love life could do the same.

*****

 _"Pandora's Box is an artifact in Greek mythology, taken from the myth of Pandora's creation in Hesiod's Works and Days. The "box" was actually a large jar given to Pandora, which contained all the evils of the world. When Pandora opened the jar, all its contents except for one item, were released into the world. The one remaining item was Hope. Today, to open Pandora's Box means to create evil that cannot be undone."_

"Sheldon, why are you looking at the Wikipedia entry for Pandora's Box? Are you going to do an experiment on it or something?"

Sheldon was jolted out of his daydreaming by a curious Raj. Instead of being annoyed by the interruption, he was grateful for the distraction. Sheldon was not, a daydreamer. When he was at work, his attention was always on the task at hand. This thing with Penny was really taking a toll on him. He would have to end it. And he would. Soon. Maybe after a few more make-out sessions…

"Intellectual curiosity," Sheldon replied. Raj wasn't sure what to add to that, so he sat back down at his desk. "Actually I was just taking a break from doing more research on the Nonabelian Higgs mechanism. Of course, I already know everything there is to know about it, but I do not want to look like an idiot when I am in Switzerland. That would be embarrassing."

"Oh, you'll love it there. The hotel room was so dreamy."

"Yes, I'm sure you and Leonard had a lovely romantic getaway together." Sheldon congratulated himself on a successful use of sarcasm.

Raj looked as though he wanted to say something but then shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Good." Sheldon went back to staring at the Wiki page for Pandora's Box. By asking Penny to help him with Amy, did he really _"create evil that could not be undone"?_ He only wanted a favor, not a complete derailment of his entire life as he knew it. Nevertheless, he'd opened the box, and now everything was different, and he wanted so much more of it and didn't want to stop because it just felt so good. The way Penny touched him, the way she felt when he touched her, the kissing, the orgasms…if he had known that foreplay was so exciting, he would have done it a long time ago. It wasn't like there weren't plenty of opportunities. He'd just never been interested in exploring that side of himself before. Now it was almost all he could think about anymore.

See, this. This was why he never pursued a life based on romantic attraction. It took him away from his work, his life goals, and his inspiration. Sheldon wanted a Nobel Prize, not a girlfriend or a make-out partner. Yet, now he had a girlfriend who he was having a physical relationship with, and a girl on the side that he couldn't stop kissing. It bothered him because he was better than this. He'd never been controlled by his baser urges and now he was. Sometimes he blamed it all on Penny and sometimes he blamed it all on himself. Mostly he blamed biology and what a cruel mistress it could be.

"Raj, may I ask you a personal question?"Sheldon asked nervously. Of course, he felt like an idiot, resorting to ask Raj anything of this nature, but his curiosity was getting the better of him.

Raj looked startled. Not only had Sheldon interrupted his thought process (which was a random mixture of naked girls and the latest discoveries in the field of astrophysics), but he rarely, if ever, asked him personal questions. Man, Sheldon was just being weird lately. Raj couldn't wait to know what was on his mind.

"Of course, Sheldon."

Sheldon cleared his throat a few times and then thought about this question thoroughly. Was he really going to ask Raj this question? Well, he needed to ask someone and Raj was the closest human being in his proximity. Plus, he knew he could trust his co-worker and friend. He (probably) wouldn't judge him or make fun of him, which Sheldon didn't need right now. And Raj (probably) wouldn't want to pursue a long conversation about it, which Sheldon also didn't need.

"I am wondering, for purely scientific reasons, of course…well, what I was thinking…I mean, I have come to the conclusion, well…"

"Sheldon. Get to the point, dude."

"Coitus. You're a smart man. You have a doctorate. Your life is mostly about the pursuit of science and academia. Is coitus really worth all the effort that you, Howard and Leonard plus most members of the male species put into it?"

Raj stared at his quirky friend. What…no, what? He decided not to ask any questions because he was sure he did not want the answer.

"Yes, it is. I can't—and don't really want to—explain the sensation to you, but it's good. It makes you feel like you can do anything. And while one night stands are kind of awesome, it really feels better with someone you actually care about."

Sheldon nodded. That didn't really answer the question, but he wasn't sure he was asking the right question. Actually, he wasn't even sure what he wanted to know.

"What about the first time? Was it pleasurable the first time?" He didn't care that Raj was probably going to tell everyone he'd ever met about this conversation. Let him. It was time to change things up around here, anyway. It was getting boring. Predictable. Give the boys some new gossip.

"It was nice. Not amazing because, well, it didn't last very long. But it was a relief to get it over with, I guess. And if you're with someone who takes it slow and understands that it's your first time and you have no idea what's happening, then it's even better."

Sheldon nodded again. _Fascinating._

"Are you and Amy thinking...you know what, never mind. I'll just be over here pretending we never talked about this."

"Good idea," Sheldon said. He allowed himself to daydream for two more minutes, then he snapped out of it and went back to research. Scientific research to further his career, that is. He was a man of science, after all. Not a cuddle bunny. Or a sex machine.

*****

 _One week later_

"Oh, dear lord. This cake tastes like an orgasm," Amy said, shoving another piece of red velvet wedding cake in her mouth. Penny, Amy, and Bernadette were on yet another wedding planning outing. Although Penny didn't mind this one so much. Cake testing was just right up her alley.

Penny did not want to hear about Amy's orgasms. Not now, not ever. Not even before she started this...whatever it was with Sheldon.

"I like the coconut one better," Bernadette said. "But I think I'm going with chocolate. I mean, who doesn't like chocolate cake?"

"Sheldon doesn't like chocolate cake," Amy said, happy to be able to contribute something about her boyfriend. "He says it's too sweet. It tickles his taste buds. He doesn't like that."

Bernadette giggled. "How are things going with you two lately? Are you tickling his taste buds, too?"

"Oh, things have been happening. Good things." Amy giggled and blushed. Penny tried to contain her twisted emotions. Jealousy, anger, sadness…the full range, really. She knew Sheldon was going to apply what he learned from her in their "sessions", but to hear Amy talk about it kind of surprised her. Man, he was really moving fast here. Go, Sheldon. On the other hand, not.

"What does that entail exactly? Come on, give us the details! Howie and I have decided to not have sex until the wedding. It's absolutely killing him! I love it. But anyway, I have to live vicariously through you guys now."

"It's so much fun! He's such a good kisser. He's getting better, I think. And when he kisses me, he kind of closes his eyes and gets this look on his face. It's so dreamy."

And that's when Penny's heart broke a little.

Not to mention, Penny was somewhat disgusted. Not just by this entire conversation, but the fact that Amy acted like a teenager when she talked about this stuff. She was a grown woman with a Ph.D, why did making out with her boyfriend cause her to act like such a spaz? So annoying.

"That's so adorable. Tell us more! We need details!" Penny wanted to murder Bernadette. Maybe she'd wait until after the wedding.

Amy was quiet for a moment. She looked as though she was pondering something important, like brain matter or dark holes of the galaxy. "I don't know what's gotten into Sheldon lately, but he's so...sexual. He wants to touch me all the time. My breasts, my...lady parts. He encourages me to touch him, and that's a whole new world I never knew existed. It's exhilarating. And weird. I don't really know what I am, to be honest with you girls. It's hard to detach my feelings from the sexual experiences and I find that confusing."

"You get used to it," Penny said coldly. "Sex is no big deal. You learn to put it in a different category."

"I disagree," Bernadette said resolutely. "I think sex is always a big deal. It goes hand in hand with your emotions and feelings. I understand what you're saying, Amy. I think it's good that you two are finally exploring a deeper meaning to your relationship."

"That's the thing, though. I don't think it is bringing us closer. If anything, Sheldon seems more distant. Sometimes, although I am enjoying the new experiences, I wish we wouldn't have started it at all. He used to be so innocent and cute and our relationship was based on science and academia, and while there still is some of that, sometimes it's just like...let's get in the bedroom and do the things we know are inevitable anyway."

Penny and Bernadette nodded knowingly. They were both familiar with that awful feeling of indifference. Penny also wondered if Sheldon's distance had anything to do with her. When he closed his eyes when he and Amy kiss, did he ever think of her? Did he ever pretend Amy was her? Did Sheldon ever wonder what would happen if they broke up with their partners to be together? God, this thing with Sheldon was going to drive her into the insane asylum before long. Yet, she didn't want it to end. What the hell was that about?

"I think things are really going to get serious in Switzerland. It's unspoken, but I think we're going to have sex on the trip. And I'm excited but I'm also dreading it."

Penny knew she should keep her mouth shut. She knew that although this conversation was almost unbearable, it was her own doing. This is what happens when you open the box. It wasn't Amy's fault. The only thing she wanted was more of a physical relationship with her boyfriend and Penny couldn't fault her for that. Nevertheless, this was making her crazy and she needed to say something.

"Amy, for fuck's sake, you're an intelligent woman with an IQ that surpasses most of the people on this planet. You know that if you wanted to slow it down, you can just _tell Sheldon you want to slow it down._ You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable and you certainly don't have to have sex when you're in Switzerland! Just tell him how you feel, it's not that hard! And don't tell me he would break up with you. That's some teenage bullshit that both of you are above. You're in your thirties, Amy. Jesus! Just grow a pair and deal with this."

Okay. That was uncalled for, but someone needed to tell her.

Amy and Bernadette stared at Penny, not blinking, not speaking.

"Wow, Penny. Amy is just a little confused, that's all. She's not like us. She didn't spend her teenage years exploring her sexuality like we did. Give her a break."

Amy just shook her head and refused to speak. Penny didn't even feel all that bad. This affair she was having was going to totally destroy their friendship, Penny was pretty sure. At the moment, she just didn't care enough to fix it.

In Bernadette's car on the way home, Penny sat in the backseat and texted Sheldon.

_We need to talk. Can you come over tonight?_

Two minutes. And then...

_Yes. I have plans with Amy but I'll reschedule. See you later._

And it was just that easy.

*****

A few hours later, Sheldon was sitting on Penny's sofa and she was pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what to say, trying to figure out what to do. It didn't help matters that she'd just spent an hour on the phone with Amy, apologizing over and over again until the girl accepted her apology. Now, here she was with Sheldon again, making things worse. It was an endless cycle that Penny felt that maybe she was becoming addicted to. There was a time in her life when she got off on all the drama, but Penny thought she put an end to that after her disturbing relationship with Kurt was over. Where was all this coming from? Why didn't she want to stop it?

Sheldon watched her curiously. He wanted her to sit down. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to talk to her. He knew how frantic she must feel. He felt that way most of the time these days, too.

"Penny? Is there a reason I canceled my plans with Amy Farrah Fowler to come over here, or are you just going to pace around like one of her tobacco-addicted monkeys?"

Penny sighed. She went over to the sofa, sat down next to him, and took his hand. It was kind of weird how different it felt than when Amy held his hand. Penny's hand was softer and more comforting. Amy's was a bit rougher, more stable, more resolute. Sheldon wasn't sure which one he preferred. As usual.

"Here's the thing. I had an idea. I know we're both somewhat troubled over what we've been doing lately. And it's not fair to Leonard or Amy or us, really," Penny said, looking more frustrated than he'd ever seen her.

"I've been pondering that myself quite a bit lately."

"And have you come to any conclusions?" Penny asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not," he said. And he could tell that Penny took some comfort in the fact that his instinct was not to end it abruptly. He wanted this to happen, too. They were both criminals in this situation.

"This isn't going to work forever, right?"

"No, I'm afraid not." He didn't elaborate, Penny didn't need him to. It was just that simple.

"But you don't want to end it right now, right? I mean, let's just put it out on the table. We feel bad but not bad enough to stop." Penny was trying in vain to make this clearly amoral situation morally ambiguous.

"I'm not sure I would put it that way but yes, that's accurate enough."

"Okay, so here's what I thought. You have about a month and half left until Switzerland, right?"

"That's correct. What does that have to do with anything?" Sheldon asked curiously. He was wondering where this was going.

"Like I said, I had an idea. Please feel free to disagree with it because it was just a random thought I had. But I figured we could, um, continue. Until you go to Switzerland. Then it will be over, we both can take some time to think and move on, and when you come back, we'll resume our normal friendship. What do you think?"

Sheldon looked thoughtful. She wondered what was going on inside that huge brain of his. It was tiny moments like these when she thought maybe her feelings for him were a little more intense than she realized. Maybe they did go beyond just sex. Maybe she wanted him all to herself. But that couldn't happen. There were too many risks; too many people involved, it wasn't just their lives at stake anymore.

"I find that to be agreeable," Sheldon finally said, and Penny was so happy she could puke.

"Oh, you do? Great. That's...great."

"Penny?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"This is probably the only time I'm going to say this, and for obvious reasons, but I think you should know that I...I enjoy kissing you. And touching you. And that alarms me and I'm not sure what to feel about that. I don't know a lot about romantic relationships, but I do know that what we're doing is rather taboo. Isn't it?"

Penny smiled. "Sheldon, let's just agree not to think about it for a while, okay? We both know how we feel and we both know that it's wrong. So let's just enjoy it while we can and after Switzerland, we'll forget it ever happened. Okay?"

He nodded, looking as confused as ever. Penny leaned in, put her hands on his face and kissed him gently. The way Sheldon looked into her eyes at that moment was something she'd probably never be able to erase from her memory. No one had ever looked at her like that before, not even Leonard. She knew that even after he came back from Switzerland, she wouldn't forget that look in his eyes. She wouldn't be able to forget any of this.

If they knew what was good for them, they'd stop kissing and put an end to it now. That would be the smart thing to do. But they kept kissing, and soon she was naked, and his hands and tongue and fingers were everywhere. This was not going to end well for anyone.

**********

 **Thanks for reading! *throws confetti* Also I totally copied and pasted the Pandora's Box thing from Wikipedia. I do not own Wikipedia, just in case you were confused about that.**


	7. Chapter 7

_6:45 2nd floor -P_

_See you there - S_

Sheldon got there first and nervously tapped his foot until he heard Penny's trademark footsteps coming down from the fourth floor. She smiled at him. He grabbed her hungrily. And instantly, lips were met, tongues were traded, hands were everywhere, tiny moans escaped their mouths. No words were exchanged, nor were they needed. They were speaking a different language now. A universal language.

It was all a tease, of course. They couldn't exactly get naked in the middle of the stairs. But lately, with Penny's work schedule and Sheldon's quest to gain as much knowledge as possible before taking on the next phase of the Nobel Prize, they hadn't had much time to linger in Penny's bedroom and give into their guilty pleasures.

After making the decision to carry on their torrid affair until Sheldon and Amy went on their trip to Switzerland, not a single place, time, or situation kept Penny and Sheldon from participating in their new favorite activity. The staircase was a popular destination-the second floor, because they could hear footsteps both coming up and going down. At least once a day, they'd meet there, kiss and grope and giggle like teenagers, and then go about their day as usual. Another favorite place was the laundry room, especially since they could just lock the door. A lot of dirty things happened in that laundry room. And nobody ever came close to catching them. Whatever excuse they could think of was used, and it was the most passionate, intense adventure Penny had ever experienced. And she'd been around.

Both of them were maintaining some kind of split personalities. When they were alone, they were adventurous, daring and sensuous. Penny had never seen this side of Sheldon and she knew it was weird for him, too. He must have been going through some sort of identity crisis, but he didn't show it; not with her, anyway. Penny liked to think that when Sheldon was with her, he was his true self. The daring Sheldon; the sexual Sheldon that had been hiding away in his subconscious for thirty years. Nevertheless, she didn't know that for sure, because they never talked about their feelings or emotions or anything resembling feelings or emotions. Someday they'd have to. But not now. Not until Switzerland.

Penny knew that Switzerland was just an excuse to keep carrying on what they were doing. Of course, she knew that. It just seemed like a convenient stopping point, so she didn't say anything. There was something about Sheldon Cooper that really seemed to unsettle her, and she kind of craved that feeling. Sometimes she would close her eyes and envision never seeing him again, and her heart would start racing, her palms would to sweat, and she had to quickly think of something else so she wouldn't have an alarming panic attack. Penny _needed_ Sheldon like...the earth needed the sun. Okay, that's dramatic, but that's what this affair was making her feel like. _Desperate_ was an accurate description for her emotions these days, and that was not making this any easier.

The topic that never seemed to come up was actual sex. Penny wanted Sheldon to bring it up first, since he was the one with the virginity and all. She figured that it would happen sometime before he left because Amy was so sure they were going to have sex in Switzerland. That is, if he wanted 'lessons', which she secretly hoped he did. They'd done everything else up to that point, why delay the inevitable? Except they were, and it was making her crazy. And horny. And guilty. Not only for the obvious reasons, but for the simple act of doing something so life-changing with Sheldon before Amy got a chance to experience it...was just wrong. But it didn't stop Penny from fantasizing about that very thing during inappropriate times of the day.

It was getting harder to maintain her whatever-it-was with Leonard, but Penny was trying to keep it going. Leonard was really stepping up the romantic gestures and she was responding to them as best she could, all while side-stepping his want and need for a more physical relationship.

One night after dinner, they were drinking some wine, and watching Farscape and just talking about their days. It was nice just to hang out with the guy. He was funny, sweet, and smart, and he loved listening to her talk. That was the thing about Sheldon-sometimes she could have an adequate conversation with the guy, but when he wasn't interested in what she was saying, he'd completely tune out.

"So, yeah, Elena is still a super bitch and I don't think for one second she wouldn't backstab me, but we're getting along better now. I haven't gotten my scripts for next week yet but I think I'm going to have a lot more scenes."

"That is so exciting, Penny," Leonard said, and he actually _looked_ as excited as she was. "Your career is really taking off, and I'm proud of you."

To show his pride, he moved closer to her and kissed her softly. It was fine and good until he put his hand under her shirt and she froze. Penny would never deny that she was a bit promiscuous, but maintaining two physical relationships at once was not her thing.

"What's wrong?" Leonard whispered.

Now was the time to remember she was an actress.

"I went to the doctor the other day and it turns out I have an infection. And I'm taking these pills and they give me weird side effects and the doctor said I should wait a few weeks before having sex or doing anything...like that."

Penny just needed to buy some time, that was all. It wasn't going to be like this forever. As soon as Sheldon was out of the country, she'd give Leonard all he wanted and more. If they could just hang in there for another month...

Leonard looked disappointed but not suspicious. "Oh. Okay. Well, I guess we can be like Bernadette and Howard. They're saving it for the wedding night."

"Yeah, she mentioned that. It sounded like she was excited. But I bet Howard isn't exactly thrilled."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I have to hear about it every single day. He's had to come up with some clever things to try…on his own."

"Gross. That's just gross."

"Yeah. It's funny, though. The minute Howard stops doing anything sexual, Sheldon picks up the slack. He doesn't talk about it much but he's mentioned that he and Amy are getting hot and heavy. Which is also gross. Can you imagine the two of them going at it like bunnies? Blechh."

Penny forced herself to chuckle. "Yeah, I wonder how Sheldon even figured out how to use his junk. Well, that's a disgusting thought."

"He's seemed a bit out of it lately. I mean, he's really brushing up on the Higgs-Boson particle research and everything, but sometimes he'll just look up from his computer or his notebook and stare into space. Amy must really be good at whatever she's doing."

Now would not be the time to throw up all over her boyfriend.

"Does he, um, ever mention Amy or what they're doing?"

Leonard cleared his throat and looked like talking about his best friend and roommate's sex life was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

"Like I said, he doesn't talk about it much, but the other day at lunch he looked up from his salad and basically announced that Amy does 'a thing with her tongue', and that he liked it. A lot. Then he went back to his salad. Raj, Howard, and I continued talking about Seven of Nine."

 _That bitch!_ "I taught her that move," Penny said, remembering that day a few months ago when Penny spent a great deal of time teaching Amy "new moves." The fact that she was using them with Sheldon made Penny's blood boil. Every part of her knew that was ridiculous, but she couldn't help herself.

"I know. It sounded familiar." He gave her one of those intriguing grins of his; it was grins like those that reminded her of why she was attracted to him in the first place. He was a nerd, but he was her sexy nerd.

For the next couple of days, Penny tried to remember her sexy nerd. Well, her _first_ sexy nerd. She didn't text Sheldon and she tried not to think about him, which of course just made her think about him more. When she and Leonard were both home from work, Penny tried to spend as much time as possible with him. And Sheldon returned the favor by going to Amy's almost every day of the week. It wasn't fun, but Penny was pretty sure it was for the best.

It didn't take long for her resolve to crumble, though. When she roamed over to the boys' apartment to see if Leonard was home yet, she found Sheldon sitting in his spot, watching Doctor Who and zoning out.

"Oh, hey. Sorry to bother you, is Leonard home?"

"No, he went out on a frivolous errand of some kind."

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

"No, Penny. I do not keep track of Leonard's schedule, as you know."

"Geez, someone's crabby today. That's okay; I'll just wait for him." She closed the door and came over to sit next to him.

Sheldon wasn't prepared for Penny's presence at that moment. He'd just been pondering what he had left on his list of things to do before he left for Switzerland. There was too much to do; too much research and not enough time to do it in. It was almost embarrassing how unprepared he was going to be for this journey. However, he was happy for the distraction and she smelled good. It had been almost a week since he touched her last and he was finding that, well, he missed her. That was not a feeling he knew very well.

"Sorry if I'm a bit short this evening; there's just a lot of things I need to prepare before my departure next month."

"Hmm, well, maybe if you spent a little less time making out with Amy, you'd get more things done."

He glanced at Penny and she smiled and shrugged. Was that...jealousy he was detecting? Surely not.

"What I do with Amy is not really any of your business, Penny. I know that's a difficult concept for you to grasp, but it is, in fact, true."

"Hmm, well, I beg to differ," she said, and she scooted closer to him; so close she was nearly sitting in his lap. He felt a stirring in his pants and he was sure Penny noticed. She always noticed things like that. Hell, she always _caused_ things like that.

"And, ahem, why is that?"

"Because I heard Amy likes to do this to you..." Suddenly her lips were on his neck and his ear and his lips and she did that same damn tongue thing that Amy knew made him crazy. Since when could women control him like this? Multiple women?

"Penny, while I'm not altogether opposed to the idea of whatever you're doing, Leonard could be back from his frivolous errands any moment now."

"I know. It kind of adds to the excitement, doesn't it? Now, does Amy ever do this to you? Does Amy kiss you like this?" Then she really was on his lap, kissing him, touching him, sticking her hand down his pants to feel him rise to the occasion.

"No... no, she doesn't make me feel like this," Sheldon breathed, and gave into her persistent seduction. He touched her smooth, tanned thighs that, as usual, were barely covered by her flimsy shorts. Penny kissed him hard, biting his lip, sucking his tongue, and he wanted to drag her into his bedroom and give into what they both wanted so very badly. Instead, he let her prove to him who really was the master at making out. Who taught Amy how to kiss? Who would always be the more sexual, sensuous, ravenous girl in the equation? Queen Penelope, master seductress.

Sheldon stuck a hand down her shorts, not bothering to unzip them because he needed to feel _her._ He wanted to feel the wetness. The wetness that _he_ caused. Sometimes he felt like he was addicted to it, and that made him feel unbelievably weak. That was the thing about Penny-he appreciated her prowess, her attraction to him, and her tendency to completely dominate his senses. But the way she saw right through him, to who he really was-that was nerve-racking. He was never truly sure what to do with that feeling of submission.

Penny moaned when he touched her. "Ohhh. Do you like that? Do you like how wet I am for you?"

"Yes...you know I do." What could he say? She brought out the truth in him.

She kissed him again, grinding against him. He pulled down a tank top strap, needing to see her that way; needing to see her naked if only just partially.

"Does Amy get this wet for you?" She whispered. "Does she make you feel like this? Does she want you as much as I do?"

He didn't say anything...he didn't need to. Because they both knew Amy didn't make him feel like this. Leonard didn't make Penny feel like this. That's why they were having this moral conundrum in the first place.

Before they could say or do anything else, Sheldon (with his Vulcan hearing) heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He all but shoved Penny to the other side of the couch and she quickly pulled her strap back up and tried to compose herself.

"Hey, look who I found," Leonard said, and Amy followed him into apartment.

 _Fuck_ , Penny thought. _This does not look good._

"Hey, bestie," Penny said, getting up and embracing her supposed best friend.

"Oh, a hug and everything! I'm one lucky girl."

Leonard, on the other hand, didn't look like he was feeling lucky at all.

"What were you guys doing? You're both so...pink."

Penny shot a look at Sheldon that was clearly meant to say, _shut up, I'll handle this._ "Oh, we were just playing some Halo and things got a little heated. You know how he gets when I beat the crap out of him."

"But now you're watching Doctor Who? When were you playing Halo?" Leonard was not amused.

"Uh, just a few minutes ago. We took a break to cool off. Why? What did you think we were doing in here?"

"I don't know. That's why I was asking you."

The four of them stared at each other uncomfortably, not sure what else to say. Penny could act indignant and accuse him of not trusting her, but...he really had no reason to trust her so she couldn't really go down that road.

Leonard took a step towards the Xbox, as if he was determined to see if Halo was really in there or not. Penny prayed—actually prayed-for divine intervention at that moment. Miraculously, Leonard stopped. He sighed, and sat down at his desk. Penny was eternally grateful to whatever or whoever just made that happen.

Sheldon stuttered nervously, "Well, it really was embarrassing as to how bad she was beating me. You know I do not possess a violent persona and yet I wanted to throw the TV out the window."

"Ohhh, I love it when you get angry. It's so sexy." Amy rushed to the couch to sit next to him.

"I think that's my cue to leave," Penny said, not wanting to see a single second of Amy's passion for Sheldon. She knew once she left, Sheldon would need to do something with that barely contained gigantic boner of his. And she was sure Amy would be happy to take care of it. "Leonard, you want to come with me?"

Perhaps feeling the same way about Sheldon and Amy, Leonard nodded and followed her across the hall. They snuggled and watched mindless TV and for the moment, her and Sheldon's matching pink faces were forgotten. However, she knew it was a narrow escape and they were going to have to be more careful.

A few hours later, Leonard was gone and she was reading in bed when her phone vibrated.

_Can I come over for a moment? L is asleep - S_

_Of course. - P_

Penny thought about answering the door naked but that didn't seem to be like a good plan given the prior events of the evening.

After his (more quiet than usual) customary knock, Penny let him in and they went straight to her bed. After a good amount of kissing that nearly left Penny breathless, Sheldon said, "When Leonard went to bed, I looked in the Xbox tray. Gears of War was in there. We would have had to come up with some quick thinking on that one."

Penny exhaled. "That was close…I guess we should be more careful. It's hard, though. I just…I want to see you more often." And that was the closest as she was going get to sharing her feelings these days.

Sheldon was silent but he gripped her hand harder, and she knew he felt the same way.

"Actually, Amy informed me tonight that next weekend, she's going to be attending a conference in New York City."

"Leonard's going to visit his parents in Jersey next weekend," Penny said. "That means..."

"We will have an entire weekend to ourselves," he said softly, and Penny couldn't help but think it was hard for him to admit that he was thinking the same thing she was thinking.

He kissed her softly and she clung to him because he was going to have to go back to his apartment soon. Why did she always have to let him go? Why couldn't he just stay?

"I'll be looking forward to it," she said between kisses. "I look forward to having you all to myself."

In response, he kissed her neck and she moaned.

"Me too," he whispered, and then he was gone.

It was so wrong, but it just felt so _good._


	8. Chapter 8

As she sat in the break room with Elena before their next scene, Penny ate a salad (she would have preferred a cheeseburger, but the camera adds ten pounds) and daydreamed about the bright lights of Las Vegas and what she was going to do to Sheldon under them. She still didn't know how she managed to talk him into it, but the two of them were going to Vegas for their secret rendezvous weekend together. Maybe it was because she asked him right after she gave him the best blowjob of both of their lives. Or maybe it was because with her, Sheldon took risks. Lived outside his comfort zone. Put his insecurities aside and tried to be more like Penny. And in return, he made her see that life wasn't all about vapid conversations about shoes and mindless reality shows.

She was beginning to see that they balanced each other out, but that was a dangerous thought. Too much thinking about that kind of thing and Penny would find herself in a hole she wouldn't be able to dig herself out of, and that was not in the plans. This "affair" was physical, that's all it could ever be. All it ever would be. There was a time she put her whole heart and soul into a relationship and only got everything broken. _Thanks, Kurt_ , she thought to herself. Not that her relationship with Kurt was the sole reason for her hesitance to fully give her heart to a significant other, but him and their trainwreck of a relationship was a pretty big factor in such things. Not only did she have trouble giving Leonard what he wanted, but now she was purposely keeping herself from thinking too much about what a real relationship with Sheldon would entail. Sure, from all accounts he was a sucky boyfriend, but maybe he wouldn't be with her. Maybe the way the way Sheldon and Penny worked together was optimum for a fully functional partnership. Maybe they had what it takes to truly be happy and well-adjusted together. And that's why she couldn't go down that road. Too much potential.

Penny adjusted her thoughts back to the hotel room (she was able to find a cheap rate at the Hard Rock, her favorite hotel in Vegas) and what they'd be doing in it. She already put the handcuffs in her purse...Sheldon's education was about to get a whole lot more interesting.

Just when she was getting to the good part of her daydreaming (there was whipped cream involved, which Penny knew was only a fantasy-Sheldon would never agree to something so unhygienic), Elena interrupted her thoughts.

"You seem awfully smiley today. Not that I care or anything, but does that mean you solved your boy problems?"

Penny laughed, out of both shock that Elena was divulging in girl talk with her and also the irony of the question. Solved her boy problems? Was that even possible at this point? But she wasn't good enough friends with Elena to tell her the whole sordid story, so she said, "Kind of. Since we're going on hiatus for a few days, I'm going to Vegas this weekend."

"Ooh, a romantic Vegas weekend. Been there, girl. Have fun, and use a condom. Pregnancy on soap operas are a mess."

Penny snorted unattractively. "I will keep that in mind, thank you."

And they barely had any time to bask in their newfound rapport, because their names were called on the PA and it was time for their scene. Well, that had been a fun chat. But she'd take it. The only other female friends in her life currently were either planning a wedding 24 hours a day or they were...Amy. Penny was avoiding Amy for obvious reasons. Whatever Amy and Sheldon were doing, that was their business. Penny just didn't want to hear about it.

But it was time to forget about all that for the moment and focus. Like most of her scenes with Elena on Fire Lake, this one was full of animosity and anger and hatred between the two on-screen sisters. Penny loved every second of it.

"Let me put it to you this way, slut--if you ever so much as _ponder_ my husband ever again, I will make sure you pay for it the rest of your life. My ex-husband was a hit man and I know how to hide a body."

"Bring it on, bitch. I have a black belt and my foster dad was a Navy SEAL. He taught me things. I'll Krav Maga your ass into next week."

The two blondes stared at each other with anger burning in their eyes, until Angie, April Archer's sister, slowly reached into her handbag and pulled out a gun. And right before things could get interesting...

"Cut!" The director said. "Perfect. Everything was just perfect. Now get the hell out of here, we're officially on hiatus for the next week."

Everyone on the set cheered and then scattered away quickly. Penny nodded at Elena and they walked silently back to their dressing rooms.

With the hard part over with, Penny took a shower and dried her hair and couldn't contain her ridiculously excited smile. As soon as she could get home, Penny and Sheldon would be driving the 6 hours to Vegas, throwing caution to the wind, getting the hell out of town, leaving guilt behind. For 48 hours, they wouldn't think about the people they were betraying. It would just be the two of them and the weird, sweet music they made together.

When she was ready to leave, Penny glanced at her phone and noticed two missed texts.

 _Miss you already. Jersey is way too far away from you._ \- L

Well, okay. She texted back, Miss you too. Have fun in Jersey. Don't hurt yourself on anyone's hair. – P

She smiled at the other text. _Meet you at home at 4:00. I'm still baffled over why I let you convince me to go to such a germ-filled disaster of a town, but I have to admit I'm looking forward to it more than I anticipated. P.S. - bring that red thing. - S_

Her "red thing" was a piece of lingerie she'd discovered Sheldon was fascinated by. She'd bring that, but she didn't anticipate getting much use of it. No, for what she had in mind, clothes would hardly be necessary at all.

*****

Sheldon made sure to collect everything he needed from his office before abandoning it for the weekend. Penny might have convinced him to leave Pasadena but he was bringing his work with him on this trip of theirs. Surely there would be some time to work. He had no idea what she was planning and it made him nervous. But for some reason, he trusted her. If Amy had the same idea, he might have needed more convincing. There was probably something wrong with that but he wasn't going to spend a lot of time thinking about why.

All day long, Sheldon tried to keep his focus on the work he had to get done between now and Switzerland, which was what he _needed_ to think about. What he was comfortable with thinking about. What he was _used_ to thinking about. But inevitably his thoughts would always turn to his escalating physical relationships. Once upon a time the thought of kissing a female's soft, red, waiting lips would never cross his mind, and yet now it was an accepted part of his daily routine. He wasn't sure when he was better off-now that he had a physical relationship (or two), or when he didn't know what a physical relationship entailed. But he had no choice-he opened the box and now he had to deal with the consequences.

Sheldon frequently found himself comparing the two women in his life. After much empirical evidence, Sheldon had discovered kissing Amy was very different from kissing Penny. Everything about Amy was different than Penny, though, so he didn't know why he'd be surprised by that development.

It's just… Amy's lips weren't as soft. And she stuck her tongue into his mouth like she was mining for gold, while Penny's tongue was slow and meandering and purposeful, which was to be expected, he supposed-Penny had a lot more experience with the art of making out than Amy did.

Amy's body was so different, too. She wasn't nearly as thin as Penny, and actually Sheldon found that to be a little more stimulating than Penny's tiny frame. He always felt like he was going to hurt Penny somehow while he didn't worry about that at all with Amy. However he found that while Penny enjoyed things a bit rougher, Amy liked it sweeter. He found he liked a mixture of both, actually.

What he liked most about the experiences with Penny was that she was always ready for him. Almost 100% of the time, she was wet and ready for whatever he wanted to explore. Amy had to use lubrication if they were going to do that together, and he found that rather off-putting. And Amy's moans… she responded to him passionately, but they were loud and frequent and… husky. He wasn't sure what to do with that. Penny was equally as loud, but her moans were softer and… prettier and only came when she was really in ecstasy, which he liked to make happen as frequently as possible.

It was hard keeping track of what turned both of the women on and he had to remember which one of them liked a tiny kiss on the ear to get them going (Amy) or a gentle spanking in the heat of the moment (Penny) and it was getting confusing. He knew at some point he was going to have to pick one of these girls and end the sexual relationship with the other. Or end everything with both of them and wind up just as alone as he had been the first 32 years of his life. At the moment, he couldn't picture himself breaking up with Amy to be with Penny. Penny was with Leonard, first of all, and she hadn't expressed any interest in severing that relationship. Even if Penny did want that, Sheldon was pretty sure his friendship with Leonard wouldn't survive such a blow. And even though he was already stabbing his best friend in the back by what he was doing with Penny, Sheldon was fond of the friendship he kept with Leonard. They were compatible roommates and Leonard understood and (mostly) appreciated Sheldon's quirks. They had a good thing going and he didn't want to ruin that.

Plus, Sheldon did have strong feelings for Amy. Well, he was pretty sure he did. The thought of ending their relationship agreement gave him some panic. Mostly because he altered his routine to fit her into it, but a small part of him thought he would miss her and her quirky presence if they parted ways. She was so intelligent and he could always come to her with his troubles and she'd have an answer for him. Did he have romantic tendencies for her? Not really. But maybe someday he'd grow to love her in that way. Maybe this trip to Switzerland was just what they needed for things to escalate. Maybe not. But he at least had to try.

Despite all the reasons not to, sometimes Sheldon just wanted to close his eyes and think about Penny. About being with her all the time, about kissing her whenever he wanted; not just on staircases and in her bedroom with the door locked, both of them fearing Leonard's imminent arrival home to find Sheldon missing from his beloved spot. He thought about building a life with her, candlelight dinners and intellectual conversation (he was sure Penny was capable of such a thing, even if she didn't always show that side of herself) and making love by the fire on a cold night. Oh, he did like to think about having sexual intercourse with her. He didn't have the courage to make it happen yet, but sometimes it was all he could think about. What it would feel like to be inside her. He thought about it so often that it invaded his subconscious and now he was starting to dream about it. This was becoming quite a problem-one he didn't exactly want to solve. Not just yet.

Sheldon sighed and tried to get back to the matters at hand. This was getting out of hand. He needed to get his stuff together, both metaphorically and realistically. It was 3:00 on a Friday afternoon, he was leaving early, and everyone could just deal with that. Of course, he'd have to handle Raj first.

"Dude, you're leaving early? What about those equations we were working on? You're just going to abandon them?"

"I am in fact leaving early and I'll probably be out of touch most of the weekend. We'll get back to the equations on Monday. I hope that is sufficient enough for you."

Raj shook his head and chuckled. "Where are you going, Sheldon? Amy's out of town, Leonard's out of town, Howard's busy with Bernadette...I thought you and I could have some alone time this weekend. You know, some guy time."

Sheldon stared at Raj and wasn't even able to come up with a witty or sarcastic reply.

"Dude! I was just kidding. You should have seen the look on your face, though! But seriously, I thought since everyone was gone, you'd want to spend some alone time in your apartment or something."

"The thought occurred to me, but I made other plans." He didn't elaborate.

"Sheldon… there's something very sneaky about you lately. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to get to the bottom of it eventually. Just so you know."

"I assure you, there is nothing suspicious about my behavior. I'm simply leaving early on a Friday afternoon."

He should have an alibi ready for this weekend and he didn't. This affair he was participating in was zapping all his creativity.

"You know what? I don't really care what's going on with you. Because whatever you're doing is changing you. In a good way. So keep it up, and I promise I'll keep it to myself. You can count on me."

Sheldon suddenly thought of a thousand lies and explanations but decided walking out of the room was the simplest option. So he nodded at Raj and said, "Thanks..." and then walked out slowly. In a way, he was grateful that Raj didn't ask any more questions. But he was also nervous, because of all the times he'd imagined getting busted, it was never Raj who did the busting. Jeez, if Raj was his only ally, he was in a lot more trouble than he originally thought.

Things were getting more complicated by the day, and Sheldon sensed it would all come to a head sooner rather than later. But for now, all he wanted to do was spend the weekend with the girl he couldn't stop thinking about kissing.

Knock, knock, knock. "Penny!"

Knock, knock, knock. "Penny!"

Knock, knock, knock. "Penny!"

Penny answered the door with a smile and pulled him into her apartment. Before he had a chance to say anything, she pinned him against the door and gave him a long, lingering, sexy kiss. His lips belonged to her for the weekend, and she was going to take advantage of that.

"Penny, while I certainly can't say I didn't enjoy that, shouldn't we be saving it for the journey ahead of us?"

"Sure. I just wanted to give you a little preview. Oh, and here's another..." She unbuttoned a few buttons of her tank top and her sexy red bra was visible. Penny knew Sheldon wasn't someone she could easily seduce like that, but for some reason, the red bra had some kind of power over the poor guy. And instead of taking off on their rigidly planned trip, they instantly found themselves in the bedroom before it could even begin. The red bra and matching underwear weren't taken off; just moved to the side. Sheldon's fingers did their magic and Penny screamed out in pleasure, and then she got on her knees for him.

While they lay in the afterglow, Penny took Sheldon's hand and whispered, "I'm really glad we're going on this trip together. It means a lot to me."

"Yes, I do anticipate this trip being enjoyable," Sheldon said. She wished he would have been a tiny bit more reassuring, but maybe he didn't know what to say or how to say it. Or maybe he didn't feel the same way she did. And that was okay, because she didn't know what the hell to feel, either. This was going to be quite an interesting weekend.

Sheldon took a quick shower (he had to after their quickie; Penny was annoyed but didn't question his need for cleanliness) and hauled all his bags to Penny's new Prius. He also brought three pillows, two pairs of sheets and a comforter. It took him three trips just to get all his stuff downstairs.

"Sheldon, you do realize we'll be in Vegas for two nights, right? Not two weeks?"

"Excuse me, Penny; do you really think I'm going to sleep in a hotel room on sheets and comforters that haven't been properly sanitized? Please, woman."

Well, she had that coming, she guessed. He was Sheldon, after all. Penny tried to think of his quirks as endearing instead of annoying.

After a few minutes of Penny looking at a map and putting the directions in her GPS and finally starting the car and getting on the road, Sheldon said, "Penny, while first I'd like to commend you on purchasing a safe, reliable vehicle that is more likely to get us to our destination safely than the previous piece of junk you owned, I'd also like to remind you to please not exceed the speed limit, and to please pull over when I need to empty my bladder."

"Yes, Sheldon, I'm familiar with how often you need to empty your bladder," she muttered. The guy was like a pregnant woman with all the peeing he did on a daily basis.

Penny turned on the radio and tuned it to her favorite L.A. rock station. But of course Sheldon had other plans. He turned off the radio and produced a CD.

"I thought it might be fun and educational to listen to a Stephen Hawking lecture on our journey," he said as he took whatever CD Penny already had in her disc player and replaced it with his own.

"Hey, that was an Adele CD! You can't just take out Adele like she doesn't even matter!"

"I don't know who this Adele person is, but I can assure you that Stephen Hawking is smarter than her."

Penny exhaled. It wasn't worth the argument. "Fine, whatever, let's listen to how he invented time while you tell me again how you fainted in his presence." She knew it was still a sore spot with him. Predictably, he grimaced, caught up in the memory of making an idiot out of himself in front of his idol.

For the next couple of hours, they listened to the lecture (and stopped at gas stations twice so that Sheldon could evacuate his bladder) and Penny actually learned a thing or two. But around hour number three she started tuning out and thinking about the guy next to her in the car. Sometimes she actually had to fight the urge to reach over and hold his hand. This was happening quite a bit lately and it annoyed her. She didn't hold hands with Sheldon. She held hands with Leonard, and it was fine and she enjoyed it just fine.

They probably should have addressed it. The fact that they were going to Vegas together while their partners were off doing their own thing, none the wiser. Leonard thought Penny was working all weekend. Sheldon probably didn't tell Amy what he'd be doing while she was gone and it didn't matter anyway; Amy simply trusted him and didn't know why she shouldn't.

But they didn't talk about it. As usual. They were getting really, really good at this avoidance thing they were doing.

Penny also wondered what would happen when they turned the lights off. Her curiosity about what it would feel like to have sex with him was growing by the day. Obviously she didn't want to put pressure on him but she wished he'd express more interest in learning about intercourse. Making out and getting each other off was fine, but a girl needed a little variety.

When the lights and glitz of the Las Vegas skyline came into view, Sheldon, who had been so quiet during the drive, Penny was starting to wonder if he was still alive, said, "I thought I'd try my hand at gambling. I've been reading some books on the subject and I'm pretty sure I'd be fairly proficient at Blackjack."

"Oh, I love Blackjack! I can teach you how to play. My dad taught me how when I was nine. I don't know why. I guess he was just bored." She stopped talking before Sheldon's eyes glazed over. Leonard would have at least pretended to listen.

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary, Penny. I have a method I'll be trying and I'm sure I'll be successful."

"Are you talking about card counting? Isn't that illegal or something?"

"No, it's merely frowned upon. I'm sure I won't be there long enough to cause suspicion. And I've had my eye on a rare Superman comic that I have yet to afford."

"Well, that sounds like fun. Maybe we can do that tomorrow afternoon. But I have plans for us tomorrow night. And don't even ask what they are because it's a surprise. And don't even bother to protest because you know me, Dr. Cooper. I always end up getting my way."

Sheldon chuckled. "Oh, Penny. I do know that about you. But what you seem to forget is that I always seem to get my way, as well. You've met your match, Queen Penelope. So I'll agree to this sure to be disappointing 'surprise' if you'll agree to something for me."

He was definitely right about that. For some reason, the boys always yielded to what Sheldon wanted. There was something about him that made other people want to please him. And Penny had to admit that she shared that characteristic. It was kind of amazing, all the things she was discovering they had in common.

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I? Fine, I agree. What is it?"

Sheldon smiled eagerly. "Before we depart on Sunday, we're going to stop at the Nevada State Railroad Museum."

Penny groaned. "I guess I had that coming. Fine, we'll go to the stupid train museum."

Sheldon nodded and sat back in his seat. Soon they made it to the Hard Rock and Penny watched with fascination as Sheldon unpacked his suitcase and put his clothes in the drawers and stripped off all the sheets and put on his own.

It was midnight by the time they'd settled into the room properly. Penny was too exhausted to go downstairs and explore so after brushing her teeth and slipping into her boxers, she got into the bed Sheldon hadn't already claimed for himself. Of course she wanted to sleep with him, but she knew how he was about stuff like that. It was one of his quirks and she wasn't going to make him more uncomfortable than he already was.

"Good night, Sheldon."

"Good night, Penny."

"We're going to have fun tomorrow."

"I don't know if that's possible in this godforsaken town, but I'll take your word for it."

Penny was just about to drift off into dreamland when Sheldon said, "Penny..."

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I'm not sure what the socially acceptable way of asking you is, but would you like to share this bed with me? I feel like it would be appropriate given the circumstances."

He didn't need to ask her twice. Penny didn't exactly know what the "circumstances" were, and didn't care. She bounced over to his bed and to her surprise, Sheldon put his arm around her. There wasn't anything sexual about it. And Penny went to sleep confused because just his simple touch made her happier than she'd been in a very long time.

Not that he would ever admit it to anyone, but Sheldon found himself enjoying a leisurely Saturday in Las Vegas. He woke up with Penny in his arms, which was surprisingly nicer than he thought it would be. In the glow of the early morning sun, her blonde hair splayed across her pillow, her curves covered by boxer shorts and a tank top...he found himself consumed with wanting to touch her. Everywhere.

When she felt him stir, Penny woke up and smiled. And before either of them could even wipe the sleep from their eyes, there was touching and kissing and moaning. Sheldon didn't recognize this part of himself-he didn't even make her brush her teeth before they participated in these activities. It was nice to let go every once in a while. But he couldn't make a habit out of it. That would destroy him.

While they took a moment to catch their breath, Sheldon said nervously, "Penny, I'm not sure-I don't know if you were expecting-I'm not ready for intercourse yet. Maybe some time soon, but not this weekend. I wanted to tell you so you wouldn't be disappointed."

To her credit, Penny didn't look disappointed at all.

"Oh, honey, we won't do that until you're totally comfortable with it, okay? Don't worry about that at all."

He nodded and whispered, "Thank you," and soon they were making out again. Yes, he did want to experience intercourse with her, but he still wasn't sure how he'd justify that to his conscience. Not that any of this was justifiable, but in his mind, intercourse was where he drew the line.

After breakfast at the Pink Taco, Penny and Sheldon sat at a Blackjack table for almost four hours. Predictably, Penny would get on a winning streak, get cocky and bet all her chips, and then go down in flames. Sheldon kept pushing her his extra chips like they were merely toilet paper to him. Slow and steady, calm and reserved, and by the end of the four hours, Sheldon had enough money for ten rare Superman comics. He felt that was a good enough time to thank the dealer and cash out his chips.

"Wow, Sheldon, now you can be my sugar daddy!" Penny said, and giggled like a school girl.

"Actually, I'm really trying to incorporate less sugar in my diet. I find that I have more energy and pep without it."

Penny just stared at him. Did he say the wrong thing again? He was familiar with the feeling.

"Well, anyway, our surprise of the evening is at 7:30. We'll have to leave here around 7, though, because traffic on the Strip will be a bitch."

Sheldon groaned. "Penny, I find the tourist obsession with the 'strip' to be utterly perplexing. Must whatever you have planned for us be located in that vat of germs and crime and obese middle aged women?"

"Wow, that didn't sound judgmental at all. Yes, Sheldon, we have to go to the strip. But you'll love it. Come on, you know me. You know I wouldn't drag you to something you'd hate."

This actually did make him feel a little better. Out of everyone in his life, other than his mother and Meemaw, Penny really did know him better than anyone else. Much to Amy's chagrin.

"Fine, just know that we may be spending a little extended time at the train museum tomorrow."

They went back to the hotel room and ordered sandwiches from room service (why not, Sheldon could afford it), and once their food had digested, it was naked time again. Penny brought out the handcuffs and Sheldon didn't know what to say. This was truly brand new territory. But again, there was something about her that made him feel adventurous. Daring. Sexual. So he acquiesced. First she used them on him and the sensations pretty much sent him to a different planet. Then he used them on her and she made noises he was pretty sure weren't even human in nature.

After some intense pleasure on both of their behalf's, they fell asleep for a good two hours. When they woke up, it was time to get ready for Penny's surprise. The two of them took (separate) showers and got dressed up for a night on the town. Sheldon was still dreading what was coming, but also intrigued. Penny looked so excited, who was he to rain on her parade?

In the car, Sheldon practically begged her to tell him where they were going, but she insisted it wasn't time yet. One achingly frustrating traffic jam and 20 minutes later, they parked in the dark recesses of the Wynn parking lot. After stepping into the lobby, Penny turned to him and said, "Okay, here's the deal. Remember that time I borrowed your iPod because I was going for a run and I left mine in the car and you just happened to have yours in the kitchen?"

"No, Penny, I don't remember such things, and that's impossible because-"

"Because you have the memory of an elephant, I know. Well, it's possible that I might have...stolen it for a few hours. And I couldn't help but notice all the Garth Brooks albums you have."

For the first time in a long time, Sheldon was actually speechless. This was not something he wanted people to know. It was one of his deepest, darkest secrets. And she had...violated him!

"Look, it's okay, sweetie. You're from Texas. I'm from Nebraska. We grew up in the nineties when Garth Brooks was the only thing to listen to in a small town. Guess what? I own every single one of his songs, too. So I decided that we're going to a Garth Brooks concert tonight, because I know you'd never do it on your own."

Sheldon wanted to protest. He wanted to say he hated this plan of hers and he was going to march right back to the hotel room. He wanted to say he couldn't fathom the idea of standing in a crowded room with thousands of other people just to hear a few familiar songs. But the truth was...he couldn't have been more grateful to Penny than if she offered him the Nobel Prize right there. There were so many childhood memories connected to Garth Brooks songs that they were kind of imprinted in his soul. Missy, his mom, his Meemaw, even his brother George and his dear departed father...they were all a part of this music and he wanted to relive it, even if it was just for one night.

"I believe that is acceptable," he said, and she smiled so hugely that his heart broke a little and he didn't know why. A sudden overwhelming feeling of guilt settled over him and he wondered, what are we doing? He was in Las Vegas with Penny and they were about to go to a Garth Brooks concert! And a few hours earlier, he had done things to her and with her that he didn't know humans could actually do.

They were in trouble, but there was no time to think about it now. Penny took his hand and they walked to their seats, which were very close to the stage. Before he could ask how much these amazing seats cost and how much did he owe her, the lights went out and Garth appeared onstage. It was a low-key show, no big fancy back-up singers or flashy lights or anything that might have gone on during the height of popularity in the nineties. Instead it was Garth, his guitar, a bottle of water, and his voice.

He opened with "Shameless", and as much as Sheldon wanted to hold back, especially since this was the first song of the night and everything, he felt himself humming along. And then murmuring. And then singing. Sheldon Cooper did not sing in public, unless under the duress of alcohol (thanks Penny), and yet here he was. Penny squeezed his hand and smiled happily.

"I'm so glad you're having a good time," she whispered in his ear. And he turned and gave her one of the most passionate kisses he could possibly muster and whispered back, "I am. Thank you."

Penny tried to live in denial the entire day (week, months, years) about her true feelings for Sheldon, but when she stood next to him and held his hand and watched him close his eyes and sing "What She's Doing Now" flawlessly from beginning to end, she knew there was no turning back. Penny was in love with Sheldon. Completely, hopelessly, endlessly in love with him. She wanted to abandon and betray everything and everyone that mattered to her so she could be with him. And maybe in another life that would be okay. But in this one? It was too complicated to even contemplate.

After the show, Sheldon and Penny were corralled like sheep into the lobby of the Wynn. A few hundred people were all going in the same direction and it was getting crowded and hot. The two of them held hands so they wouldn't lose each other in the crowd.

Sheldon was minding his own business, too energized and happy from the show to care that he was in such close quarters with such disgusting people, when he felt himself step on someone's foot. He turned to apologize and instead felt a fist hit him right in the face. The fist belonged to a small, hairy, angry middle-aged man.

"Hey, dipshit! You're the tall asshole who was standing in front of me the whole night, and now you step on my foot! Get the hell out of here."

Penny was not having any of this. Before Sheldon could stop her, she turned to Hairy Guy and kicked him in the nuts.

As he fell to his knees and shrieked like a girl, Penny bent over and said, "That's what you get for being a bully, loser. I bet you have a tiny dick, too. Sorry, girl." The woman Hairy Guy was with did not look amused.

Penny grabbed Sheldon and dragged him into the lady's room in the lobby.

"Penny, this appears to be a women's restroom."

"Wow, they really don't call you a genius for nothin', do they?" She quickly obtained a paper towel and got it wet in the sink. He wanted to protest that it wasn't anything near hygienic, but his head was throbbing.

"You're bleeding, sweetie. You have a busted lip. That guy was a real prick." Sheldon gasped a little when she put the paper towel on his lip and wiped off the blood. "Are you okay? That looked like it hurt."

"Well, yes, it didn't feel good. But I think the other guy is in much worse shape than me." This was now the second time Penny kicked a man's ass for him and he didn't know what to do about that. But as she applied pressure to his battle wound carefully, trying her hardest not to make it hurt more, Sheldon knew one thing for sure. Right there in the women's restroom of the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas, he knew he was in love with Queen Penelope, and there was nothing he could do about it now.

They went back to the hotel and fell asleep entangled in each other's limbs. On Sunday morning, Sheldon and Penny woke up early and shared a quiet breakfast. The train museum was everything Sheldon wanted and more, and Penny got a kick out of following behind him and watching as he got excited over and over again.

The ride home was also quiet as they contemplated their journey. As they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But Sheldon was pretty sure he wasn't going to forget about this weekend that he shared with Penny. Under his sunglasses, he watched her concentrate on driving. As she unknowingly hummed a Garth Brooks song while studying the road, he wondered...what were they going to do about this? Switzerland was coming up soon; in just a matter of weeks, really. And then they'd go back to being friends and this trip and all that time they spent in her bedroom and every little moment they shared would just be an untouchable memory. He only had one question-how the hell was he going to do that?

When they finally arrived back to the apartment, before they went their separate ways, they kind of floated around in the hall, murmuring good-bye and what a nice time they had together and everything else but what they meant to say.

"Penny, I think you should know-I mean, I just want to say..." He had no idea what she should know or what he wanted to say. That he loved her and wished he could go back in time to the moment he and Leonard met her in the hallway and somehow convince Leonard that they wouldn't have smart and beautiful babies and instead make a life with her himself? That he wished Raj and Howard never set him up with a computer dating service, that he never met Amy, that everything could somehow be different so that he and Penny could be together? That seemed like a lot to tell a person and he didn't want to overwhelm her. Besides, Penny hadn't indicated that she _wanted_ him to declare his love for her. Somehow he wanted to think that she couldn't possibly feel the same way he did. But one look in her eyes when she glanced at him longingly was enough to confirm that she probably did, and that scared him in a way he couldn't possibly figure out with his beautiful mind.

Penny smiled sadly and took his hand in hers. "Shh, I know, sweetie. Believe me, I know. And I wish things were different, but they're not." And that was all they were going to say about the subject. She kissed his cheek and went inside and closed the door.

Sheldon did the same, and as soon as the door shut and he was alone, he took a deep breath. Sheldon Cooper was a man of science. Of logic. He was a genius and it was universally agreed that someday soon, he would win a Nobel Prize. And yet it took a girl with blonde hair and green eyes to come along and challenge him more than he'd ever known.


	9. Chapter 9

When it did finally happen, it took Sheldon and Penny both by surprise. Neither of them were even expecting to see each other that day, but things will happen the way they were meant to happen.

Penny was coming up the stairs carrying groceries, smiling and humming to herself. Sheldon was coming out of his apartment to--well, actually he didn't remember why he came out. Maybe it was because he heard her on the stairs with his Vulcan hearing and he was just drawn to her.

She walked right past him and floated to her door. She looked so at peace with herself and the universe that Sheldon just watched her before interrupting. How did it get to this point? The point where he knew he was absolutely and completely in love with the gorgeous, sexy, challenging girl across the hall?

"Penny?"

She turned around slowly and smiled. "Oh, Sheldon, sorry. I'm kind of in my own world today. What's up?"

"Well, I have to say, you look simply radiant today. You seem awfully happy for a Sunday afternoon."

"Oh, well, I _am_ happy! I got called into the casting agent's office of Fire Lake today and I thought for sure they were going to fire me, but they promoted me instead. I'm going to be a regular character! The best news is-I can finally quit the Cheesecake Factory!"

Sheldon smiled genuinely, and not even in his koala bear way. "That is good news for you, Penny. I'm proud of you for finally achieving your dream."

"Really? You don't think it's pointless or...frivolous or something?"

"Of course not. This is what you want to do and now you have a chance to do it well. I support all your successful endeavors."

"Well, thank you, Sheldon, that means a lot coming from you."

Before he knew what he was doing, he crossed the hallway and gave her a tight hug, which took them both by surprise. The hug almost seemed more intimate than what they'd been doing in bed together the past couple of months.

Penny savored the moment. He just felt so... _good_. Strong, stable, and warm.

She said matter of factly, "Leonard won't be back for a while...he and Raj went to some kind of Lord of the Rings trilogy movie marathon thing. Is Amy coming by?"

"No," he said simply. She nodded and turned to unlock her door. It was unspoken that he was going to follow her. Inside, she threw down her purse and went straight to her iPod stereo. She put on some Coldplay and walked to her bedroom, where Sheldon was already sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting for her. She remembered when he got locked out of his apartment and had to spend the night...maybe that was the first time she knew he wasn't some kind of Shelbot; that he really had feelings, that he was capable of being a truly nice person. They'd come a long way since then.

Penny sat down next to him on the bed. She wanted to touch him everywhere, have him touch her everywhere, have them do things to each other even Penny had never experienced. But she wanted him to initiate it. She wanted to know that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. Make him be the big ol' five for once.

He didn't disappoint her. He leaned in and kissed her, and then there was a lot more kissing, and then they were lying down and he was practically on top of her but it was just more kissing. Penny thought maybe they'd be kissing forever and that was almost okay with her, but then he took her shirt off, and didn't waste time in taking her bra off, and she arched her back and moaned when his lips connected to her nipple. This was a sexually confident Sheldon. A Sheldon who knew what he was doing. And she was happy because she helped make him. Before they started this thing together, he'd never even kissed a girl before. Now he'd discovered a part of himself that had lay dormant for far too long. Penny was proud of him. Attracted to him. In love with him. And it was too overwhelming to even comprehend.

After a lot of licking and sucking and biting and exploring of her breasts, Sheldon looked lovingly into her eyes, kissed her, and then took her pants off. A little teasing, and then his fingers were inside of her. The first words he said to her since they started kissing were, "I love how wet you get for me." She just moaned in response. Sheldon was getting pretty good at this by now; it didn't take him long at all to find her G-spot and cause fireworks to go off in her body. And just when Penny thought she'd had enough, his tongue was on her clit, and the fireworks never seemed to end. He didn't go down on her that often but he was quite adept when he did make the journey.

When she'd had enough orgasms to please them both, she looked at Sheldon with a hungry smile on her face. Then his pants were off and she was doing one of the things she did best. Penny was especially good at deep-throating, much to the happiness of many men in the Pasadena, and small town Nebraska areas.

In the middle of her "routine", Sheldon breathed, "Okay, okay, stop, please stop."

She stopped mid-gulp and wiped off her mouth. "What's the problem, sweetie?"

"I just don't want to-to finish. Because, well...I believe I'm ready."

Penny hoped with her entire being that he meant what she thought he meant. Honestly, she had given up on it ever happening and she'd come to terms with it. Fine, he'd lose his virginity to Amy in Switzerland. Great, that's the way it should happen. Penny already felt bad enough about what she was doing to Sheldon behind Amy's back; taking his virginity before Amy could even ponder doing so was a whole new level of low-down, dirty things that only slutty skanks did to their supposed best friends.

On the other hand, sometimes that was all she thought about. What it would feel like to have Sheldon inside of her. So while it was fine and good to pretend that she was so loyal to Amy, and that she wouldn't even consider de-virginizing Sheldon, Penny knew the truth. She wanted to be his first, and if he happened to want that as well, then...

"Ready for what, sweetie?" Penny asked quietly, trying to ignore that fact that her heart had made the leap from her chest to her throat.

"I believe I'm ready for coitus. I want to do it, and I want it to be with you. Also, I would like for it to be right now. But...I may need some guidance. I'm not familiar with the nuances of this particular act and I may need assistance."

Penny kissed him softly. "I know. I'll be there every step of the way. Are you sure you want this to happen right now? We can wait..."

"I'm ready." And he looked ready. Actually he looked giddy, almost. Oh, this was going to be fun.

Penny scooted over to her dresser and removed a condom from the drawer. She opened the wrapper while Sheldon looked at it with intellectual curiosity. He seemed a tad confused by the whole situation, so she put it on him carefully while he watched silently.

"Okay, sweetie, tell me...do you want to be on top or do you want me to be on top?"

Sheldon looked so adorably nervous, she didn't even know what to do with herself. Somehow he managed to say, "Whenever I pictured this happening, I always see you on top."

Penny smiled. "You've pictured this happening?"

"Quite frequently, I'm a scientist, Penny. I always imagine all the scenarios."

"Of course, I should have known. Well, okay. I'm going to get on top of you now, okay? And tell me if you're uncomfortable at all."

He nodded. She placed herself on top of him, feeling his hardness ready to enter her. But not yet. There was more kissing first. More touching, more teasing. When she sensed he was as ready as he was ever going to be, she lifted her hips and connected with his cock. He inhaled sharply, looking confused, excited, guilty and hot and amazed.

Penny rode him slowly at first. Up and down, hips and thighs and ass and wetness on top of him, trying to give him an experience of a lifetime. Trying to show him what he'd been missing. In a way, she was producing a one-act play. It was called "Choose me" and it was just for him. Of course he couldn't choose her because she wasn't available to be chosen. But with every interaction she had with Sheldon, she was performing this play in some subtle way. _Choose me, not Amy. Amy can't do what I'm doing to you right now. She'd never be able to make you feel like this. I can make you feel good. Choose me. I've chosen you._

"How does this feel?" She whispered.

"Amazing...so amazing." He could barely talk, so she kissed him and then concentrated on making him feel every sensation he deserved to feel. Together, they danced this sensual rhythm that had been building up between them for longer than the last couple of weeks or months...it had been years. Starting from when they met for the first time. Maybe if Leonard hadn't existed; maybe if they'd met in that hallway without Leonard there to screw it all up, they'd be together now. They would have figured it out a long time ago. But that isn't what happened-the Universe, as always, was vast and complicated. Nothing was ever that simple. Especially for them.

Penny wanted him to get on top of her so she could feel his weight; to know what it felt like to be under him, to have him dominate her, but she didn't know how much longer he was going to last. There would hopefully be time for more positions later. She still had so much to teach him.

Sheldon had his eyes closed during most of this experience, but he opened them and put his hands on her breasts and she moaned loudly and it was just this burst of fire between the two of them and all she wanted was to be free of her obligations to Leonard; for Sheldon to be free of Amy, to break the ties that bound them to other people and just live inside this moment, forever. He was her geek, her dork, her nerd. All of their moments together were flashing before her eyes—when he taught her the basics of physics, taking her to the emergency room when she dislocated her shoulder, the first time he hugged her when she gave him the Spock napkin and she realized that he was capable of giving and receiving love, when they went suit shopping and she finally opened her eyes and saw what an attractive man he was...all the things that brought them to this point merged together and she knew that even if she never saw him after this moment, she would always love Sheldon Cooper in some subtle, heartbreaking kind of way. Penny felt that maybe it wasn't going to be so subtle anymore. This was a whole new line that had been crossed-theoretically this was as close to another human being as you could ever get. Nothing was going to be the same. That thought terrified and thrilled Penny to her core.

Soon, Sheldon gripped her hand and she knew it was almost over. And then it was, and the condom was disposed of, and then they were silent, naked in each other's arms. She wanted to ask him a thousand questions but didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Thank you," he finally said. "I don't think I could have asked for a better first time. Intellectually speaking, that was a fascinating experiment. I didn't know biology worked like that. I should write a paper about this."

Penny resisted the urge to punch him.

"You are so good to me, Queen Penelope. What did I do to deserve you?" He added, unaware of her momentary irritation.

She kissed him in response because all she could think of as an answer to that question was: _We deserve each other._ They were both liars and cheaters betraying the people who loved them. But she had to wonder--and she wasn't proud of this--if maybe it was worth it.

*****

Merely a few _hours_ later, Sheldon found himself sitting in the midst of a very awkward situation. What was once a regular occurrence was now just uncomfortable, and he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

The gang had all gathered in his and Leonard's apartment for some Indian food. Bernadette and Howard sat on the loveseat together, googly eyed and lovey dovey. Their wedding was in eight days. Everyone was ready to get it over with, including them.

Raj was on the couch with Amy and Sheldon and Penny and Leonard sat together on the floor. Well, at least Penny looked just as uncomfortable as Sheldon felt. Especially when Amy put her hand on his thigh and whispered how she couldn't wait to get to Switzerland to do all kinds of disgusting things to him. Meanwhile, he could still smell Penny's scent. Could still imagine her on top of him, eyes closed, writhing and moaning and making him feel things he never even dreamed of feeling.

Part of him wanted to drag her back into his bedroom for a repeat performance. Immediately. The rational part of him; the part he'd spent so many years cultivating, knew he couldn't let it happen again. It was too intense. He was with Amy and she deserved his complete attention. Penny made him feel weak and he didn't know how to deal with that feeling. It no longer mattered what he wanted. Now he had to focus on what he needed.

The group watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones silently, which was odd for them, really. Sheldon was relieved. He wasn't in a chatty mood.

When it was over, after Raj and Leonard almost got into a fist fight about something or other that happened in the episode, Penny said, "Hey, guys, we're having a little party for Fire Lake tomorrow night. And now I get to invite people since I'm a regular cast member and all. It's going to be at this fancy hotel in LA. Do any of you want to come?"

"Of course I do," Leonard said. "I hardly ever get to see you anymore, so I would love to be your date."

Penny gave him a grateful smile and it was all Sheldon had not to get up and go into his room and slam the door. That was probably not an appropriate reaction to this conversation. Instead he said, "I think I'll pass. I have no time for such frivolous activities."

Penny frowned. Just a few hours ago he said he supported her career and didn't think it was frivolous. Well, maybe it was good to disappoint her a little. It couldn't all be fun and games, could it?

Amy looked positively delighted to receive such an invitation. "Oh, come on, Sheldon! Come with me. My loins react quite strongly to Hunter Hudson and it would be nice to have you there to help control me. Who knows what will happen if I'm not tamed."

Sheldon groaned. "Fine, I will go to this gathering, but let it be known that I'll be doing so under duress."

"Will alcohol be provided?" Raj asked.

"Obviously."

"Then I will also go. Actresses are usually captivated by me when we're both drunk enough not to care."

That made sense to Penny somehow. "Bernadette? Are you guys in?"

"Oh, no, thanks for the invite though. We're t-minus eight days. Still so much to do." Howard nodded in agreement. Penny enjoyed Bernadette's role as the mouthpiece for Howard; it made the environment so much more pleasant.

"Well, cool. I'll email everyone the address. Wear something nice and don't make me regret inviting you."

Penny got up to get some soy sauce from the refrigerator. Amy followed her.

"Hey, bestie, can I ask you a question?"

Penny was not in the mood for questions from Amy, but she was already fucking her boyfriend, so why the hell not? 

"Go for it."

"Do you think Sheldon's mad at me about something? I swear he's been so moody lately. I mean, we still make out and stuff as usual, but he's not the same."

"I don't know. I don't really see any difference in him." Well, that was the biggest lie she's ever told. "Maybe he's just really stressed to get things done in time before leaving the country. I don't know, Amy. Sheldon's a weird guy on a good day. Who knows what the hell is going on inside that head of his?"

Amy blinked. "You know, it really seems like you guys haven't been getting along lately. Have you been fighting or something?"

Penny shrugged. She didn't mean to be in such a shitty mood, but as soon as Sheldon left her alone in bed, it was clear that something vital had shifted. She couldn't put her finger on it yet but she knew whatever was happening, it wasn't exactly good. It was so frustrating, really, she'd come this far after promising herself years ago she wouldn't get too close to anyone else because it just hurt too much. And now here she was, her emotions dangling by a thread, and she felt powerless to stop it.

"You know, we aren't as good friends as everyone thinks we are. We never were. He's still my boyfriend's annoying neighbor, as I'm sure I'm just his roommate's annoying girlfriend."

Now Amy just looked confused. Maybe Penny had gone too far on that one. "Now, Penny, that's just ridiculous. I know I've only been around for two years, but it's always seemed like you two have a special bond. To be honest, I've been a little jealous of it. He always goes to you first whenever he's perplexed about something. He confides in you. Not to mention, he talks about you all the time. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were the one he was in a relationship with."

It really shouldn't have, but this made Penny feel so much better than she did 30 seconds ago. "Oh, come on, Amy. He's clearly nuts about you. You're his first girlfriend! That has to mean something. Whatever his problem is, I'm sure he'll be over it by the time you guys get to Switzerland."

Amy nodded, looking somewhat mollified. "I hope so. But listen, Penny...it would really make me feel better if you two settled whatever friction is happening in your friendship. If my bestie and my boyfriend don't get along, that would be very hard for me."

Penny forced herself to smile. "I'll give it a shot, Amy. I can't promise anything, though."

Ugh, it was just so brutal. What she was doing to Amy. What she was doing to Leonard. What she was doing to herself. She glanced at Sheldon, who was just happening to be looking in her direction as well. He nodded and she smiled.

"See? That was easy, wasn't it?" Amy patted Penny on the ass and skipped back to the sofa to sit practically on top of Sheldon.

While Penny was left to ponder the damage she was doing to everyone, Leonard came in the kitchen and kissed her. "I really do miss you, you know. Can I spend the night?"

Penny's first response was to say no, but she needed Leonard tonight. Yes, she felt like the most god-awful person ever, but what else was new?

"I miss you, too. And I would love to spend the night with you. But can we stay here? I miss your bed." Actually, she just hadn't washed the sheets from her escapade with Sheldon earlier in the day, and she wasn't about to have Leonard sleep in her sex sheets. Plus, she got some kind of thrill by sleeping in such close proximity to Sheldon's bedroom. If he was going to keep this thing going with Amy, she'd keep it going with Leonard. Two could play at that game. Although this stopped being a game a long time ago.

"Of course," he said, and kissed her again. When she looked back at Sheldon, he was glaring at her. Good. Let him feel the same way she felt. That way, they could both be miserable.

*****

"Oh, my gosh, why would they have so much food with so many calories in it at a soap opera party!" Crystal Noland, one of Fire Lake's beloved cast members, shrieked. It was a particularly nice spread, Penny thought. Steak, omelets, cupcakes, cookies...the whole shebang. Leonard, Raj and Sheldon got to work on the buffet (and the booze, in Raj's case) while Penny introduced Amy to her co-workers. When Amy met Hunter Hudson, Penny had to keep her from practically French kissing him. Amy apologized, saying something about her tender loins.

"I can't believe how I acted towards Hunter," Amy said, looking embarrassed and ashamed. "How mortifying. But seriously, Penny, I don't know how you control yourself around him every day."

"His breath," Elena and Penny said at the same time. Elena had just come from the table with the mini-muffins to join in the conversation. They both giggled like schoolgirls. She wasn't sure if she could trust Elena completely yet, but if nothing else, it was nice to have someone to laugh with sometimes.

"Amy, this is my co-star and on-screen sister, Elena Marcus. Elena, this is Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Sup," Elena said, and Amy nodded. Those two had even less in common than Penny and Amy did. Awkward.

Thankfully, Sheldon, Raj and Leonard finished their carnivore scavenger hunt and joined the group. Penny introduced everyone again.

"Elena, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Dr. Raj Koothrapalli, and my boyfriend, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter."

"Jesus, that's a lot of doctors. How'd you get mixed up with all these smart people, Penny?"

"Geography."

"Ah, well, okay. So, Leonard, I guess you're the one Penny took with her on the romantic rendezvous to Las Vegas last weekend, eh? Lucky man. I've seen what Penny looks like in lingerie."

_Fuck._

A strange wave of confusion settled over everyone at that moment and Penny wished that she was anywhere else. She saw Sheldon out of the corner of her eye and he looked absolutely unhinged. Like, worse off than she was. Which was pretty bad. She hoped upon everything she stood for that Sheldon wouldn't say anything and ruin everything.

"What? We haven't been to Vegas lately," Leonard said, looking the most confused out of everyone. "I was in Jersey last weekend..."

Penny knew that if this were just a month ago, Elena probably would have used this awkward situation as an opportunity. But to her credit, Elena didn't miss a beat. "Oh, of course, that was Crystal and her boy toy. My memory has gone to crap ever since I started working on this show. It must be killing my brain cells. Forgive me." She smiled awkwardly and walked over to Crystal, who was still obsessing over the calories in all the food that was available for the party. Penny was grateful to Elena for helping her out, but damn. Close call.

"What the hell was she talking about? Have you been to Vegas lately?" Leonard apparently didn't buy Elena's explanation, which was probably the right call, since it wasn't true.

"Of course not, Leonard. What kind of question is that? I told you I was working at the Cheesecake Factory the whole weekend."

"But why would she just say that if it wasn't true?"

"I don't know, because she's a hideous, jealous bitch? You know she's been after me for years, Leonard. I almost didn't get this job because of her. So who knows what's going on inside her head, I've given up on trying to figure it out." Now she was selling out Elena, too. No one was safe from her myriad of lies.

"Are you sure you didn't go to Vegas?"

"Yep. I thought we were over this trust bullshit. If I had something to tell you, I would. Give me some credit, Leonard. Jesus."

"Sorry," he muttered, and put his arm around her. She sighed and tried to forget about the escalating guilt that was threatening to take over her soul.

Thirty minutes later, Sheldon, Amy, and Leonard were chatting up one of the extras about their experience on one of the Star Trek shows in the nineties. Raj was at the bar with a very drunk young lady. Penny was pretending to eat a salad, but she was actually watching Sheldon and Amy somewhat obsessively. They looked happy together. It looked so...easy for them. Why did Sheldon get to be happy so easily? Why was Penny the one left behind? It just wasn't fair.

Elena pulled up a chair next to Penny, and whispered, "So how long have you been fucking the tall guy?"

Penny sighed. She didn't even try to lie. "A few months."

"And how long has the short dude been in love with you?"

"Um...five and a half years, give or take."

Elena nodded and took a bite of her apple. "Wow."

"I know."

"So you took the tall guy to Vegas behind the short guy's back? Wow, Penny. You are a stone cold killer! I didn't give you enough credit when we first met. You really have some balls."

Penny just sunk miserably into her chair, not knowing how she ended up here and not knowing what to do about it. 

"Come on, Penny, talk to me! It really seems like I'm the only person you've got right now, so talk. I can see you love them both. However, which one of these boys are you _in love_ with? Which one of them would you roam to the ends of the earth for? You know, dramatic shit like that."

"That's the thing-I don't know. I feel like I owe it to Leonard to be with him because he's been so loyal to me, but I can't imagine an entire lifetime with him. Actually, it scares the bejeesus out of me. And Sheldon...maybe we could make it work, but I don't know if he's willing to try. I don't know what he'd give up to be with me."

"I guess the question is...what would you give up to be with him?"

Penny hesitated, even though she already knew the answer. However, actually saying what she felt was completely different than merely thinking about.

"I've been thinking about it. A lot. And I think I'd give up everything. I'd break up with Leonard, end my friendship with Amy, and I would probably have to move out...because he's Sheldon. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. I think we're different enough to make every day interesting."

"Wow. That's intense. So what are you going to do about it?"

"I have no idea. Ignore it and hope it goes away?"

Elena punched her in the arm, which actually hurt a lot.

"A little friendly advice?"

"Please."

"Talk to the tall guy. See what he's willing to give up for you. See if you're on the same page. And if you are...make it happen. No matter what the cost. Come on, everyone wants a love story like that, Penny. That's what soap operas are built on."

Penny nodded. "You're right. I should fight for what I want, right?"

"Fight for him. I know it's going to get ugly and the short guy and the frumpy girl will be sad for a while, but they'll get over it eventually. Hell, maybe the two of them will get together and have average-looking babies."

Penny snorted. She was grateful for Elena. Who knew she'd ever feel like that towards her formerly spiteful co-star?

"Thanks, Elena. Seriously, you don't know how grateful I am. Especially for not spilling the beans earlier. Just… thanks."

"Just do the right thing."

*****

Penny didn't have an opportunity to talk to Sheldon until two nights later when her phone chirped with a text message. The chirp woke her up. Annoyed, she moved her hand around in the dark to find her phone and shut it up.

_Can I come over for a few minutes? - S_

_Sure - P_

It was 3:00 AM. What was he even doing up? He had such a set routine. Not to mention, she had no idea what he wanted. Surely he didn't want to mess around, did he? The sad thing was, she totally did want to mess around. The wedding was in a few days and Switzerland was coming up a week after that; they were running out of time. The thought made Penny feel desperate and she didn't like that at all.

The knock came a few minutes later. She stumbled out of bed and answered the door. "What is it, Sheldon? I was sleeping. I have to get up early tomorrow for work."

"I know, and I'm sorry. Please excuse my rudeness. I just needed to see you."

His rudeness was excused as he kissed her long and hard. It meant something and he was so good at it now. She had to put a stop to it and just talk to him. Maybe after a little more kissing and then she'd talk--

Miraculously, Penny managed to pull away from him. "We need to talk."

Sheldon sighed. "Yes, I suppose we should. You know, that rather surly woman at the party made things really uncomfortable for me. We really should be more careful, Penny."

Penny scoffed. Uncomfortable for _him_? "Where are we going to be careful? We're running out of time, Sheldon."

"Yes, I suppose via our oral agreement this arrangement will end as of my trip to Switzerland."

Penny took his hand. She loved how her hand fit so perfectly in his.

"Sheldon...what if I wanted this to go past Switzerland?"

"Well, we agreed that this was a temporary situation and it would probably be in the best interest of our respective partners if we had a definite ending date."

For some reason, Penny thought about one of her favorite scenes from Friends where Monica is trying to tell Chandler she wanted him to move in with her and he just didn't get it. If Penny kept giving Sheldon hints, it would go down a similar road. It was time to put all the cards on the table.

"Yes, we did agree that at the time, that was the best thing to do. But listen, I've been thinking...I wonder what do you think about breaking up with Amy, and me breaking up with Leonard? Then we could be together, for real. It would be hard, but I believe it'll worth it. We wouldn't have to hide or sneak around anymore. What...what would you think about that?"

As soon as she said it, Penny regretted it. They had an agreement. Nobody else had to get hurt. They could just move on and never acknowledge this happened at all. But now she wanted more. She was being selfish. She wasn't satisfied with a few more days, no, not Penny. She wanted it all. It was wrong to expect Sheldon to not only feel the same way, but to do something about it if he did. Oh, this was all wrong. But she had to say it. Penny had to make him understand that she was all in now. He needed to know.

Sheldon sputtered like an injured robot. Oh, God, she broke him again.

"Why...why would you want to do that?" He asked, then hastily added, "Intellectually speaking, of course."

"Well, I have an answer for that. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"How will I know if I want to hear it before I actually hear the question?"

Penny sighed. "I want to do that because I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with you. Sometimes I think that, maybe, you feel the same way. Look, I know we'd drive each other crazy. I also know that Leonard and Amy will be mad for a while, and our lives will change. I'm willing to sacrifice all of that if I could really be with you."

"Penny, I don't...I'm not..."

"I know it's a lot to ask, sweetie. But I think about never kissing you again and it makes me panic. I think about you being with Amy, kissing her, making love to her, proposing to her, marrying her...I want all that, Sheldon. I want it with you. That's--that's all."

Sheldon was flustered by her admission, not to mention surprised. In all honesty, Sheldon had never let himself think about what Penny was offering him and asking of him was even possible. She was willing to give everything up for him, and that was overwhelming for a guy who just lost his virginity a few days ago. Maybe it was an overwhelming possibility for anyone in this situation.

He watched as her face changed from hope to disappointment. "Please don't look at me like that. I'm not saying I don't feel the same way. I just haven't thought about it as thoroughly as you have."

He paused and thought very carefully about what to say next.

"Penny, thank you. For this journey you've taken me on. For everything. Can I perhaps have a few days to make a decision?"

"Oh, yes, of course. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. It's just we don't have much time."

"No. No, I suppose we don't."

"Tell me at the wedding," she said simply. "A simple yes or no; afterwards, we can figure everything out from there. Okay?" 

"I'll agree to those terms," Sheldon said, not having any clue how he was supposed to come to a conclusion about such a major life decision in a matter of days.

They kissed again, but when he tried to put his hand under her shirt, she stopped him.

"Make a decision," she whispered. "I can't keep doing this until you make a decision."

They said their good-byes and Sheldon slowly and quietly returned to his bedroom. What was he going to do? What (or who) was it going to cost? Ultimately, he knew what his decision would be; he wasn't looking forward to making it. Someone was going to get hurt, maybe everyone. But he had to do the right thing. Or rather, what he believed to be the right thing.


	10. Chapter 10

It was an impossible decision to make.

Sheldon stood in front of the mirror, admiring his tux and adjusting his tie to make him look less like a clumsy kid who just stumbled into a wedding. And he was going over the choice he had to make; the choice Penny wanted him to make, for the thousandth time now. Would he break up with Amy and break her heart? The woman who came into his life and had just as many quirks as his own, the woman who was just as experienced as him (which was to say-not at all), the woman who gave him more chances than he ever deserved. Amy wasn't the most exciting person in the world and he wasn't particularly attracted to her, but she was a good person and he felt like they could build a stable life together.

Now Penny, she was dangerous. Sexy. Seductive. He was attracted to her from the first second he and Leonard saw her in the hallway, but Leonard was so confident that he and Penny were soul mates and Sheldon didn't have it in him to fight about it. Penny wasn't the most intellectual conversationalist, but she made him laugh. She made him feel a weird confidence that he hadn't experienced before. With Penny, Sheldon felt like a superhero.

And now Penny wanted to be with him. She was willing to sacrifice everything. To be with him. How would that even work? Leonard would never speak to him again. Amy would never speak to him again. He and Penny would both lose their best friends, which Sheldon was having quite a hard time wrapping his brain around. Leonard put up with Sheldon when not a lot of people would. And Sheldon didn't want to break that bond as easily as Penny was suggesting.

Next to Sheldon, Raj was shrugging on his coat and also examining himself in the mirror. They were in the dressing room at the church, and for the moment, they were alone.

"Dude, we look good."

"I suppose we do give off a certain air of intellectual handsomeness," Sheldon said. He always did look good in a suit. He remembered shopping with Penny-that look on her face when he came out in the black suit was forever imprinted in his brain. No woman had ever looked at him like that before. Just another thing to add to the list.

"So I've been meaning to ask you something..." Raj said.

"Mm-hmm, what is it?"

"How long have you been in love with Penny?"

For some reason, the question didn't surprise Sheldon. Maybe nothing surprised him anymore. Or maybe he was just so used to Raj calling him out on things that this seemed like a normal part of their routine.

"Raj, not that I don't appreciate this line of questioning, but do you think this is an appropriate time to bring it up? We're about to witness the marriage of our best friend to his beloved bride. Maybe we should put our personal issues aside until we've gotten through this day."

"Don't try to get out of this conversation, Sheldon Cooper. Come on, don't you want to tell somebody what you're feeling? Don't you want to confess? I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her. And guess what? She looks at you the same way. I'm a romantic, I notice these things."

Sheldon scoffed. "You aren't seriously trying to have a conversation with me based on the attraction you think I have to a person you think is also attracted to me? What scientific evidence do you possess to support this theory of yours? I have never been more insulted in my life…"

Sheldon stopped talking because Raj pulled something out of his suit pocket. It was his Garth Brooks ticket.

"I found this on your desk at work. And then Penny's hot friend at the party said something about Vegas. So go ahead and deny it if you want to, dude. But I think this is proof enough. You know you can talk to me. Leonard is helping Howard practice his vows. It's just us, Sheldon. I'm very good with matters of the heart. It's just my own that I have trouble with most of the time."

Sheldon sighed and kind of collapsed on the floor. It was such an un-Sheldon thing to do, but he wasn't interested in behavioral norms at the moment. He was actually desperate to talk to someone about what was going on with Penny. It was all such a mess and his jumbled emotions were getting harder and harder to interpret on his own. He needed someone to tell him the truth. To give him the ass-kicking he deserved.

Raj sat down next to him. Sheldon knew Raj wanted to ask him exactly what was going on, but he didn't say anything. He just waited. And eventually Sheldon started talking.

"It's yuanfen," he said distractedly.

"Pardon?" Raj looked truly confused.

"Yuanfen. It's a Chinese word that's impossible to translate to English. It means something akin to 'Have fate without destiny'. It's used to describe couples who meet, but who do not for whatever reason stay together. I never believed in fate before I met Penny, but this word describes us perfectly."

"Sheldon, what the hell are you talking about? English, please."

"Penny wants me to 'choose' her. And maybe she's capable of blowing everyone off to be with me, but I'm not so sure I'm willing to make that sacrifice for her. My entire life has been about depriving myself of pleasure for the sake of science, knowledge, advancement. I'm used to not getting what I want in order to gain these things. But she isn't. She's always gone for what she wants, and it just so happens that this time, what she wants is me."

Raj nodded, taking it all in. He knew Sheldon had issues, but he didn't know how truly screwed he really was.

"What do _you_ want?"

"Does it matter?"

Raj exhaled. "Of course it matters, dude. What do you want? Who would you choose? Just admit it. Admit to me. Admit it to yourself."

Sheldon closed his eyes. Inhaled. Exhaled. "Of course I would choose Penny. She's sexy and funny and adventurous and every day would be more interesting than the last. But it's not practical. She doesn't have a stable career, she's selfish, she's unpredictable, and she's crude. She's loud and uneducated and she puts all her clothes in the washer without separating them. Amy is my ideal mate. Amy is the easier choice. We'd have a predictable life but a stable life. We'd have intelligent children. We'd enjoy rigorously planned vacations."

"Do you love her?"

"Which one?" Sheldon asked. They both chuckled.

"Either of them, both of them."

"Yes," Sheldon said.

Raj didn't ask him to specify. Instead he said, "Not to add insult to injury, but you know what this would do to Leonard, right?"

"Of course I do. And after all he's done for me over the years...all the rides to and from work and the comic book store, all the food he's gotten for me, everything in the roommate agreement...I take it seriously."

"It would kill him."

"Damn it, Raj, I know it would kill Leonard. Will you please-"

"What would kill me?" Leonard said, coming into the small fitting room with Howard, both of them looking dapper in their tuxes.

"Oh, uh, the banana split they're serving after the buffet. Sheldon was just talking about how he'd put it on his cake and eat it like a middle-aged woman with diabetes. And I said you should have some, and Sheldon said that would kill you."

It was the worst excuse ever. But Leonard must have been in an especially good mood because he bought it. "Oh. Yeah. Banana splits are like my kryptonite. Which is sad because they look so delicious."

"Well, anyway...let's party!" Raj said, trying desperately to change the subject.

They all gathered around Howard and gave him good-natured jibes about taking his vows. Leonard mentioned something about how disappointed Howard's robot was going to be now. Sheldon's crisis was given a reprieve for a few more minutes, but he'd soon have to come face to face with it.

*****

Meanwhile, at the opposite side of the church, Amy and Penny helped Bernadette get dressed while Bernadette's mother helped with make-up.

"So when are you girls going to walk down the aisle? Penny, you and Leonard have been together for a while now. I just met the man and I can tell he's crazy about you," Bernadette's mother said, applying lipstick carefully to Bernadette's nervous lips.

Penny wanted to laugh and say that was ridiculous, don't be silly, they'd only been seeing each other for a few months. But she had a feeling Leonard didn't think it was so ridiculous. In fact, she was absolutely positive that for the past day or two, Leonard had been trying to say he loved her. He'd been stuttering and staring at her longingly and taking her hand and putting his arm around her way more than usual. It was coming. She knew it was coming and she had no idea what she was going to say. Especially since at this very wedding, she was waiting for someone else to proclaim their love for her. This was a fine mess she'd gotten herself in, that was for sure.

"Oh, I don't know if I'm ready for that," Penny said. "We've been taking it slow for a while because the first time we were together was kind of a disaster."

"Well, you better do it soon. You know women of a certain age have a harder time finding someone to settle down with."

"Mother!" Bernadette looked annoyed. "Penny isn't even 30 yet. And she doesn't even know if she wants kids. Leave the girl alone."

Her mother shook her head and then turned her target towards Amy.

"What about you and Sheldon? I know the two of you are in your thirties. What's the hold-up?"

Bernadette sighed. She'd warned everyone that her mom was kind of old-fashioned, but there wasn't any kind of warning that had prepared them for how much.

"I don't know. We've started talking about it lately. We think maybe next year, after he's got all his stuff together for the Nobel Prize, and after I've written my paper on the effect of smoking on monkeys." Amy stared dreamily at Bernadette's wedding dress, probably thinking about walking down the aisle with her tall dream hunk of a scientist.

This was news to Penny. Neither Sheldon nor Amy mentioned getting married at all. The fact that it was something they discussed together in privacy made Penny's stomach hurt even more than it already did. Oh, it was so nerve-racking waiting for this impossible decision. She shouldn't have made him choose. She shouldn't have had sex with him. Hell, when he came to her door that day and asked for kissing lessons, she should have said no. That was a line friends shouldn't cross. And now she was dealing with the consequences, and probably would be for a very long time. Sheldon was going to marry Amy, Penny was going to marry Leonard, Howard was going to marry Bernadette, and during the summer they'd all go to Napa Valley with their kids and teach them how to swim. What an amazing life Penny had to look forward to.

Penny's phone buzzed. She had a text from Elena.

_Has tall guy declared his undying love for you yet? Weddings are perfect for that kind of crap._

She was sure Elena was just trying to make her smile, but it had the opposite effect.

_Not yet. Time is running out. Not feeling good about my chances._

Penny felt like such a cliché. She was the other woman. The one who had to wait while the man got to choose who he wanted to be with. And suddenly she was mad at Sheldon. It was irrational, she knew that, but she was so very mad. Just looking at Amy in her Maid of Honor dress and her happy smile and her complete ignorance to what was going on right under her nose made Penny even angrier. Maybe she was using the anger to replace her guilt; she wasn't quite sure. Penny wanted to be happy for Bernadette and enjoy the wedding like a normal person should, but all she could see was a life without Sheldon, and nothing else seemed to matter.

*****

However, an hour later, the anger and guilt were magically transformed to a sobbing mess of a girl. For the most part, Penny did not cry at weddings. But Bernadette looked gorgeous in her wedding dress and Howard looked so content and happy and amazed that this beautiful woman agreed to marry him. At the altar, Penny stood with Amy and Bernadette's cousin Lucy and on the opposite side stood Raj, Sheldon and Leonard. Penny was facing Sheldon, who kept sneaking glances at her when he thought she wasn't looking.

Bernadette's brother read a moving poem, Howard and Bernadette exchanged their vows, the preacher announced them husband and wife, and Penny burst into tears. So much so that she caused a scene. Lucy ushered her to the back of the church while Amy went hunting for some tissues. Oh, this was attractive. Just the vibe she wanted to give off at one of her best friend's weddings.

As she was trying to calm down, Leonard came in and crouched next to her. "What's wrong, babe?"

For a moment, Penny thought about Carrie Bradshaw, her style icon. Carrie told Aidan at Charlotte's wedding about her affair with Big. What if she just blurted it all out? What if, for once, she told Leonard exactly what she was thinking? What if she told him she was sobbing because she feared never having what Bernadette and Howard shared? That maybe in a different life she could have loved Leonard, but in this one, she just wasn't capable. In this one, she was head over heels in love with Sheldon Cooper and he was the only nerd she wanted. Why couldn't she just tell him that? Why was it so hard to just tell him what she wanted? What she needed?

"Oh, nothing. I just get really emotional at weddings. I'm fine."

He nodded, took off his glasses, and rubbed them on the inside of his jacket. Put them back on. Penny knew this maneuver well. It usually meant he wanted to tell her something important.

"Hey, it's okay. I know you were thinking about us up there. And I've been doing some thinking, too. Don't you think we should escalate this thing? We've been dancing around each other for almost six years; maybe we can make it more official. Because, the thing is-"

This was the moment Amy became Penny's savior, because she bust into the room and said, "Come on, guys, we need you for pictures. Then we go to the reception and dance our tushies off. Let's go."

Penny and Leonard nodded. He grabbed her hand and they walked with Amy to the lawn, where they posed for at least 3,000 pictures with the bride and groom and family of the bride and groom and friends of the bride and groom. She knew Leonard's declaration had just been temporarily halted and it was going to happen sooner or later-probably sooner. And she also noticed that Sheldon was avoiding her. Every time she was near his vicinity, he somehow continued to disappear. This made her angrier than ever. If he was going to give her bad news, why couldn't he just be a man and tell her? Get it over with? Penny knew Sheldon was a lot of things, but she never knew he was a coward.

And while she posed for pictures with a fake smile plastered on her face, Penny realized how ironic it all was. Sheldon may be a coward, but so was she. She couldn't tell Leonard the truth. She'd always believed in karma; in what comes around, goes around. And now? She was getting what was going around.

*****

At the reception, Sheldon, Amy, Leonard, Penny, and Raj sat together and anxiously gossiped about the wedding. Sheldon nervously stared at Penny as she stuffed her face at the buffet and ate two pieces of cake. It certainly wasn't very attractive, but it was kind of endearing in a way. Of course, he pretty much found everything Penny did to be endearing. Or sexy. Or cute. Or adorable. Oh, God, this decision was impossible.

He had also watched as she sobbed during the ceremony, and he wondered what she was thinking. Was Penny thinking about him, or about Leonard? Or about either one of them? Did she want to get married? Did she want to have children? Did she have goals other than becoming a professional actress? He knew he'd probably never know the answer to these questions if he didn't make the right choice. Which he was going to have to make soon...the reception was almost over. He wondered how he was going to tell her. Hell, he wondered _what_ he was going to tell her.

"Sheldon...why don't you ask Penny to dance?" Amy said quietly.

"Why would I do that? You know how I feel about dancing, Amy."

"Just do it, okay? For me. I feel like you two need it. You used to be such good friends and now I see you two avoiding each other and I can't help but feel like I have something to do with that. So go ask her to dance. For me."

Sheldon sighed. Not only because he dreaded this task, but also because of how clueless Amy was to the betrayal happening basically right before her eyes. Ignorance was apparently bliss for her and that irritated him. No, it didn't make sense. It wasn't logical. Spock would be very disappointed.

"Fine. You owe me."

Amy smiled happily. That was something else he liked about Amy-she was very easy to please.

Sheldon rose from his seat and walked over to Penny, who was deep in conversation with Raj about something or other that happened twelve years ago on Sex and the City.

"Penny, Amy has suggested that I ask you to dance. If it's okay with Leonard, I'd like to do that at this time."

Leonard chuckled and nodded. "Sure, but I want to collect her after a few songs."

"I will permit that," Sheldon said. "Penny, would you like to dance?"

The way she looked at him took Sheldon by surprise. He'd gotten to know those green eyes pretty well over the last five years and even more so over the last few months. There was anger in her eyes. Sadness. Fury. Indifference. When did the spark leave her eyes? This was not good. He couldn't help but feel responsible.

"I would love to," she said curtly. He took her hand and she followed him to the dance floor. The first song was a rather fast number, which they were probably both grateful for at the moment.

"Well, this is awesome," she said.

"It is rather awkward, isn't it? Amy seems to think we're mad at each other for some reason."

"Imagine that."

Sheldon sighed again. "Penny, I know you want an answer. I've thought about it over and over again. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

At that moment, Lady in Red came on and all the couples were slow dancing. Sheldon put his arms around Penny and she put her head on his shoulder. Was this what Amy had in mind when she wanted them to dance? Because it was certainly adding a weird kind of drama to their already dramatic situation.

"I know what your answer is, Sheldon. I know. And at first I was furious, but now I'm okay with it."

Sheldon looked her in the eye. "Penny...it's not like that. I don't know what I want. I'm a scientist, I don't do things on a whim. Maybe I can take the time in Switzerland to really come to a conclusion..."

"Why, so you can think about it while you fuck Amy? So you can decide who you like fucking better? That's not how it works, Sheldon. We've come to an impasse. You have to choose. I've made my choice."

Sheldon said nothing. Why was she making it so hard for him? This was not how it was supposed to happen.

"Sheldon, just tell me. You have to tell me now. You know why? Look at our table."

Sheldon looked over at their table.

"Leonard is going to get tired of us dancing pretty soon. He's going to come over here, ask to cut in, and then-and it might take him a song or two-tell me he loves me. And I'm going to say it back for the first time, because I might as well. Because if you don't tell me what I want to hear, then I'm going to give Leonard everything I have. He deserves it."

Sheldon held her tighter to him. She didn't resist.

"I do...have feelings for you, Penny. Feelings I've never experienced before. And if we didn't live in the real world where we have obligations to the people who love us, I'd take you up on your offer immediately. But I can't. I have a friendship with Leonard that I could never replace. He's my roommate. He's so many other things. And he loves you. And I have a significant relationship with Amy, who doesn't deserve any of this."

"But I'm willing to sacrifice those things for you," Penny said quietly. "It would be hard, but eventually they'll forgive us. Eventually they'll move on."

"It's not enough for me."

Penny didn't say anything. She bit her lip, possibly to keep from crying. His heart was breaking but what did she want from him? He already gave her everything he had. He literally didn't have anything else to give.

"I don't want to hurt you. I'd give you everything if everything was different. I'd give you the world on a silver platter. But..."

"But you can't. Fine, Sheldon. I get it. I don't like it and I never will, but I get it. But sooner or later you're going to realize that Amy can't give you what I can. You'll never feel the same way with her that you do with me. And I realize it's selfish and unforgivable but it's true. So just know. Just know that I love-"

And there was Leonard, looking quite impatient.

"May I cut in, please? It would be nice if I could get just one dance in with my girlfriend."

"Of course," Sheldon said. Penny avoided his eyes as Leonard swept her away in his arms. If this was the right thing to do, why did it make him feel like this? Sheldon had never understood the word "heartbreak" before-it wasn't practical, it wasn't scientific, it was, in his words, frivolous. But as he stood by himself on the dance floor and watched as Penny bit back her tears, he now understood the meaning of the word better than anyone could imagine.

*****

Leonard held Penny tightly and she clung to him. With her heels, she was the same height as him. They were eye to eye. In the middle of another slow song, Leonard kissed her softly. "I've been trying to tell you for days now...I love you, Penny."

Not even Wil Wheaton could save her now.

"I love you, too," she whispered. And he sighed with relief and looked so happy and it made her happy, too, in a way. It wasn't so hard. They were just words. Maybe she _did_ love him. And if she didn't, maybe she could. She vowed to herself that she was going to put everything she had into this relationship with Leonard. Why not? She had nothing left to lose.

*****

During the last song of the evening, Howard and Bernadette danced cheek to cheek. Raj danced with Howard's middle aged cousin Josephine. And Amy and Sheldon, and Leonard and Penny, danced side by side. Only occasionally did Penny look up from Leonard's shoulder, and only occasionally did Sheldon glance up from Amy's embrace. They always missed each other's eyes. And now they always would. 


	11. Chapter 11

_Sheldon Lee Cooper is stubborn. He's an emotionally-stunted boy in his thirties. He's selfish. He plays with toys and he's too fascinated by trains. His routine is too rigid; he has days of the week pajamas. He's not spontaneous and he doesn't get sarcasm._

_Sheldon Lee Cooper is a coward._

These were all the things Penny tried to tell herself in Sheldon's absence. At first she was sad, then she was angry, then she was indifferent, and now she's angry again. He could have picked her. They could have dealt with their situation in a mature manner that would have satisfied everyone. Okay, that was hard to picture, but maybe they could have broken up with their respective partners, dated secretly for a few months, and then break the news slowly and gently to Leonard and Amy. They could have explained that they never meant to hurt anyone, it just happened. Then Leonard could find a nice girl who was better educated than Penny (she always knew that's what he wanted, anyway) and Amy could find a man who could satisfy her sexually and everyone would be happy.

Instead, Sheldon terminated their illicit affair and now he was in Switzerland with Amy. It was probably all romantic and sexy and seductive. They'd be sharing a hotel room for months. Oh, that was another thing-a few days before the trip, Sheldon was told that instead of three weeks, the trip was now for two months, at the very least. They were sending an entire team and they weren't leaving until they could confirm the existence of the Higgs boson particle.

After the wedding, there were thankfully only a few days left before Sheldon took off. Penny found it unbearable to be in his presence and avoided him at all costs. There was talk of a going away party but that was vetoed since everyone was still tired and broke after the wedding. Sheldon didn't seem to mind the cancellation but Amy was rather disappointed she wasn't getting a party in her honor.

The day Sheldon and Amy left town, Penny was at home, curled up in a ball on her couch. She didn't have to go to work and she was going to spend the entirety of the day in eternal misery. The ice cream and wine were all ready to go. She was going to get drunk and fat and cry and find pictures of Sheldon in his Facebook and print them out and draw on his face because that's what she felt like doing. And then tomorrow Penny would get up, smile, and go about her life. Sheldon was no longer a part of it and she'd have to be okay with that.

She wasn't prepared for the nine knocks. Not at all. Not even close. She was so startled that she just stared at the door for a few seconds in confusion. And then the knocking started again.

In a daze, Penny stumbled off the couch and opened the door.

"What the hell do you want? Aren't you going to be late for your romantic rendezvous with Amy?"

Sheldon blinked. And at that moment, she was torn. Maybe he didn't deserve her barrage of anger. So he didn't want to rock the boat. He didn't want to disturb the delicate balance of relationships that currently existed. Did she really have the right to be mad about that? And yet part of her believed that absolutely she had the right to be mad about that. She was prepared to give up everything to be with him and he was too much of a chump to give up _anything_. He wanted what she had to give and not give anything in return. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, and she was pissed.

"I thought it might be appropriate to say goodbye. That is what friends do before they leave for an extended journey, isn't it?"

Penny scoffed. "Yeah. Friends."

Sheldon glanced at the already opened bottle of wine and the pint of ice cream melting in the container on the table. He gave Penny a once-over while he was at it. Penny knew she looked like shit. Part of her was glad he was seeing her like this. And part of her just wanted to slide away and disappear from all the awkwardness.

"Penny...are you going to be okay? I can perhaps alter my plans for a few days-"

"Please, Sheldon. Don't flatter yourself. I'll be fine. You can scurry off and have fun with Amy's bloomers guilt-free."

Sheldon sighed. "Penny, it was never my intention to hurt you. I was only doing what was best for both of us. Please understand that."

Penny knew he was right but wasn't in the mood to accept this yet.

"Really? Then how come both of us are miserable? How come neither of us are getting what we want? Oh, that's right, it's just me who is miserable and I won't get what I want."

Sheldon looked confused and sad. She had no idea what to do because she'd already taken this too far. So she said nothing and just glared at him until he sighed again and walked out the door.

But before he closed it, he said, "That's not true. It was never true. And if you think it is true, you don't know me at all." And then he left, and she cried, and she wondered what the hell he meant by that, what wasn't true? What was never true? That she was the only one who didn't get what she wanted? Ugh, this was all so utterly exhausting.

*****

Sheldon had been gone for a few weeks and Penny missed him more than she could possibly understand. It wasn't even the sex or the closeness or the feelings she missed the most, although those things were a factor. She missed his friendship. She missed his snarky commentary and weird nonsensical routines. She missed Vintage Game night, Halo night, Anything Can Happen Thursday. She missed _him._ Just a few years ago she couldn't even stand to be in the same room with him, but now Penny couldn't imagine life without the guy. And that was the first time she started to regret the affair. If it meant she lost his friendship...that would be devastating. But the blame was on both of them for ending up in this situation. He was the one who asked her for "lessons" and she was the one who gave him one. This was both their faults and they were both going to have to learn to deal with it.

Leonard wasn't doing much better. She thought he would find Sheldon's absence liberating-he didn't have to drive anyone anywhere, he could turn the thermostat to 60 degrees and not endure Sheldon's endless bitching, he could use the bathroom at any time of the day...but Leonard was kind of lost. He ended up staying at Penny's most of the time, which she didn't mind-not anymore. They needed to fix this relationship. She needed to go back to the reasons why she fell for him in the first place. There had to be some other reason they were together than just sex and convenience. When Sheldon let her go, she promised to put everything she had into this relationship with Leonard. And that's what she was trying to do.

On one particularly sad evening in which Penny just couldn't seem to get herself out of a shame spiral, Leonard came over with Mexican food and they ate it by candlelight. They watched the Devil Wears Prada while Leonard gave her a foot massage. Later, she changed into his favorite lingerie and they had sex right there on the couch. Penny made it an award-winning performance and Leonard appreciated every moment.

In the afterglow, they sat together, naked under a blanket, holding hands.

"That was nice. I've missed these nights together. I'm glad you got over your infection," Leonard said without a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh, yeah, me, too. It was so uncomfortable." Someday she was going to run out of lies.

But apparently that day wasn't coming soon. Leonard followed up this statement with a question that took Penny by surprise completely. She should have been planning for it; had a back-up plan or an acceptable reason or excuse or something. Of course Leonard was suspicious. He wasn't blind. Penny suddenly felt very stupid. Not to mention guilty.

"Penny...I couldn't help but notice. You are being much more attentive and loving and caring and, well, the sex just now...it seems to coincide with Sheldon being out of the country. You can see why I'd think that was a little strange, can't you?"

"Well...yes," she said, and couldn't think of a single word to say next. To outright deny it would look suspicious but what could she say that wasn't a total confession?

Leonard took her hand and looked at her sympathetically. "I'm not mad, okay? But I want to know what's going on. And don't say 'nothing'. I won't call you out on it but you and I will still both know there's something going on there. So just make it easier on both of us and tell me."

She couldn't tell him everything. It would hurt him too much. And just like Sheldon, Penny was a coward. Thinking about how it would play out made her head hurt-she would tell Leonard that she and Sheldon had been seeing each other for months, making out whenever possible; that she had taken his virginity, that, yes, she did go to Las Vegas and she took Sheldon with her. He didn't need to know any of that, whether he thought he wanted to or not.

But obviously they were at some kind of crossroads. She couldn't tell him that there was nothing wrong because clearly there was something very wrong. So she decided to go with a version of the truth.

"I don't know, Leonard, it's really hard to explain...I guess since Amy has become so important to Sheldon, I've felt a little bit left out. And you know how I get-I start living in my head and everything gets worse and I blow things out of proportion. I started thinking of Sheldon in a different way, and maybe I thought I had feelings for him...but now that he's gone, I think I was just confused. I'm sorry that I was so distant for a while. But I'm here now and even when he comes back, I will still be here. I'm over it. I needed some distance, and I got it, and I'm over it."

It was actually true.

Just not the entire truth.

She expected this to not go over well, but Leonard didn't look fazed, actually.

"Does he know?"

"Oh, no. You know him. Completely oblivious to anything like that."

"Well…thank you for telling me. I'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where we can be honest with each other."

"You're not mad?" This was a weird version of the Leonard she'd come to know over the years. It was nice. And strange.

"I'm not going to say I'm happy, no. But I knew something was going on and I'm just glad you were honest with me about it. I actually understand what you mean-you were the only girl in our circle for a long time and then Sheldon meets Amy and Howard meets Bernadette and you feel threatened. You're not getting all the attention anymore. But, Penny, even if they do have girlfriends, that doesn't mean you're forgotten. We all respect and like you; we'd never forget you or cast you out. And you know I love you."

No, no, no, he was getting it all wrong! That's not what Penny felt. It wasn't about that. But she didn't correct him. It was too complicated to explain and she didn't want to, anyway. This thing was between her and Sheldon, and it would die with her and Sheldon.

"Thanks for understanding." She kissed him, they went back to holding hands, and it was just fine, and everything would be just fine.

*****

For the first month in Switzerland, Sheldon was so busy he didn't even have time to think about romance or making out or Garth Brooks or any of the things that consumed him back in Pasadena. It was a relief, actually. Even Amy seemed fascinated by the work being done and didn't pressure him to be a better boyfriend or whatever the crap she was constantly harassing him about on any given day.

Seeing the CERN Super Collider up close was almost a spiritual experience for Sheldon. He'd waited so long to see this thing in all of its magnificence. And he was so disappointed when he was too sick to go when Leonard finally invited him a few years ago. Now he was here with countless other physicists and it was time to get the work done. This is what his life had been about up to this point. And if he didn't come back with some kind of new evidence of Higgs boson, he'd have to find something else to dedicate his research and experiments to. It was now or never, make it or break it, go big or go home.

So he spent hours, days, weeks researching and experimenting and he was finally getting somewhere. All his peers wanted to know what he was up to, but Sheldon kept his results to himself. They would have done the same.

After a long day of fruitful experiments, Amy had finally managed to talk Sheldon into ordering room service in the hotel room. He wanted to stay at the research facility and perform a few more experiments, but actually, he was exhausted. Sheldon admitted to Amy that he could use the rest, even if he didn't _want_ the rest.

The two of them ordered burgers and fries and watched a documentary on beavers. Sheldon wanted to put on his pajamas and go to sleep, but Amy wanted something else. She was good about keeping her hands to herself during the day, but at night in their hotel room was a different story. She wanted to touch him everywhere all the time. Sharing a bed with her was quite a challenge...as much as he enjoyed the release of a good orgasm, he'd rather just be left alone when it was time to sleep. She liked to cuddle. He didn't. It was becoming a problem but he didn't want to say anything and upset the balance of their relationship while they were so far away from home.

When the burgers were digested and the beavers were busy building dams, Amy put her hand on his thigh and he inwardly sighed. This was going to be a thing. He knew when Amy was going to make something a thing and this was going to be a thing.

"Sheldon, I've thought about it and I want to make a proposal. You've been working very hard on your project and I've helped as much as possible. I think tonight we should reward ourselves with the gift of sexual intercourse. We've been together for a long time, we have strong feelings towards each other, we've gone to every other base except home, to use the baseball terms our friends are so fond of using."

"Come on, Amy, it's been a long day. I'm tired. Can't we have coitus another night?"

Amy sighed. "You know what, Sheldon, I'm starting to agree with Penny on your usage of 'coitus'. Sex. I want to have sex, and I would like to do it tonight. I promise it'll be worthy of your time." The mention of Penny made his stomach hurt a little. He wondered if that would ever stop. It hadn't so far.

Amy kissed him softly and he pulled her closer to him. After a great deal of making out, she unbuttoned his pants and whispered, "Please? Let's do this tonight, Sheldon. I'll make it worth it for you, I promise."

Although his male friends were always talking about sex like it was no big deal, Sheldon had grown up to believe otherwise. His mother always told him that sex should be a sacred act to participate in only when married and that premarital sex is a deadly sin. But he'd shot that one to hell already with Penny, so he figured why not dig himself a little deeper with Amy. She wanted it, she deserved it, and he was curious to see what it would be like with someone else.

And so it happened. Sheldon had to remember that he was supposed to be a virgin, which wasn't that hard since he'd only done it once. Amy fumbled with the condom and they awkwardly tried to position themselves. It lasted a little too long for Sheldon's enjoyment, but t wasn't entirely unpleasant and Amy looked pleased with the event. They both took showers and went to bed. But Sheldon couldn't sleep. Because he realized that he'd been thinking about Penny the entire time he was having coitus with Amy. Penny on top of him, Penny squeezing her thighs as she rode him over and over again. Penny's soft kisses, Penny's pink nipples, her wetness spreading on his hardness. Sex with Amy would probably never feel like that.

Had Sheldon made the wrong decision?

He didn't think so. Amy may not have been amazing in bed, but she was a good girlfriend. His intellectual equal. Amy was rational and smart and not impulsive and...well, she was the opposite of Penny. That's what he needed. He and Amy would have things to discuss over dinner every night; interesting things. Things other than the latest rose ceremony or those high heels she saw in a store window and couldn't stop thinking about.

But Sheldon knew that wasn't fair. Penny was more than what he first perceived her to be. She was funny and savvy and outgoing. She could have a conversation with just about anyone at any time. On first glance, he thought they'd have nothing in common; nothing to share, nothing to converse about, but he never ran out of things to talk about with her. It was just easier to think of her as his selfish neighbor who was dating his best friend and roommate. But something told him it wasn't that simple and it never would be.

*****

 _Dearest Bestie - Well, last night I finally made it happen with Sheldon. Yep, we had "coitus", LOL! It didn't make the earth move or anything but for both our first times, it was decent. I plan to practice as much as possible. By the time we get back to the States, we should be experts! I don't feel any different now that my flower has been taken. I do feel closer to Sheldon and I think he feels the same way. Maybe I'll tell him I love him before we do it again. Because I'm pretty sure I do. He's so dreamy!_

_Love ya like a sister,_

_Amy_

Penny stared at the email for a long, long time. Eventually she silently closed her computer, threw it on the floor, curled up into a ball and cried. It was one of those heaving, soul-shaking kind of cries that cause headaches that last for days.

She'd get over this, right? She wasn't going to spend the rest of her life pining over someone she never really had, was she?

*****

While Amy and Sheldon were gone, Penny and Leonard would go on double dates with Howard and Bernadette pretty frequently. Penny was getting a bit weary of these excursions-Howard and Bernadette were still in the honeymoon stage of their marriage and they were so cute it made her want to vomit. Penny wondered what it felt like to be genuinely in love with someone, to want to spend the rest of her life with them. Because lately, she was starting to feel like she would never have something like that. Leonard was a good boyfriend and she was still doing everything possible to throw herself into the relationship like he deserved, but something was missing. This wasn't even about Sheldon for once. This was about her feelings for Leonard and his feelings for her.

On a humid, hot night in July, the four of them went to a nice Italian restaurant and shared some wine and some laughs. Bernadette and Penny talked about their reality shows and shoe sales at the mall and Leonard and Howard talked about the new Star Trek movie. They all had pasta and garlic bread and everyone was getting a bit toasty.

The couples shared desserts and Penny watched Howard and Bernadette feed each other and giggle, and she ached to have something as special as they did. Leonard tapped her on the shoulder and fed her some of his fruit, but it wasn't cute or genuine. Leonard didn't do stuff like that. He was just trying to keep up.

When every crumb of dessert had been eaten, Howard took out his wallet and said, "Let's get out of here. Bernadette and I have some baby-makin' to do."

Bernadette giggled and said, "Howie! Don't just announce it like that!"

"Wow, you guys are already trying?" Penny asked.

"Not really, but we're enjoying the practice," Howard said. Bernadette pinched him.

"Bernadette, I thought you didn't even want kids. I thought they disgusted you," Leonard said curiously.

"Howie's been working on changing my mind and I'm coming around. I don't know, ever since we got married I've been thinking long and hard about it. I think I do want a little Howie to take care of. I know that sounds old-fashioned but the biological clock is ticking!"

"She's right. We want a little Howie and a little Bernie. And maybe another one to add to the band. How many do you guys want?"

Penny couldn't help it-she choked on the water she was drinking.

"How many children do we want?"

"No, how many sheep do you want? Yes, children."

Penny and Leonard shared a glance and then they both shrugged.

"Zero," Penny said.

"Four," Leonard said.

Bernadette and Howard laughed. A lot.

"Oh, boy. You guys have got some talking to do," Bernadette said, looking at Penny sympathetically.

"Awkward," Howard added.

An hour later, Penny and Leonard were in his apartment making out. She was in Sheldon's spot, which turned her on for some reason. Eventually Leonard started unzipping her pants and tried to make things interesting. She was into it, but it occurred to her that they needed to have this talk once and for all. So she took his hand and said, "I think maybe we should talk before we start stripping for each other."

Leonard sighed. He was always cranky when she wanted to talk and he wanted sex.

"About what? We're kind of in the middle of something here."

"I'll just get to the point-you said you wanted four children."

Leonard looked surprised, like this was the last conversation he was expecting to have right now.

"Yes. Yes, I said that because it's what I want. I've always wanted a big family. I'm going to be a good father and my kids are going to have a mother who cares about them; who isn't afraid to show that she loves them. It's what I've always wanted and I want to make it happen sooner rather than later."

"Well, if it's going to be with me, it's going to be later. If it even happens at all. I don't want kids right now. Maybe not ever. I haven't decided yet, really."

"Well, you really should. We're not getting any younger here, Penny."

Penny exhaled. And then took a deep breath before asking the question.

"Leonard...do you see _me_ as the mother of your children? Tell me the truth."

He looked at her. Really looked at her, as though he was seeing her for the first time. And she knew. She knew that ever since she told him about her feelings for Sheldon, he was feeling a little bit differently towards her. Maybe he didn't trust her as much or maybe he didn't respect her as much. Whatever it was, it was almost a relief. For most of their relationship, he looked at her like she could do no wrong. Put her on pedestal. And now he was finally seeing her for what she was. For how she felt. A fraud.

"I used to," he said softly. "And I probably can again. It's not your fault, Penny. Let's just give this one more try. We owe it to each other, don't you think?"

She smiled sadly. "We've being doing this beta test thing for a few months now, and the sparks just aren't there. I don't think it's going to get any better than this."

"But this isn't that bad, is it? Would it really be so bad if we kept doing it this way?"

Penny frowned. "You really want to keep something going because it isn't 'that bad'? What about passion? What about a love that consumes you; that challenges you, that makes you question your entire being? Maybe we had something like that a few years ago but too much has happened. Hell, you'd still be with Priya right now if she hadn't cheated on you."

"That's not fair. I don't even think about Priya anymore. You're the one I want, Penny."

Penny shook her head. "You don't want me. You want the idea of me. I can't live up to that. I never wanted to live up to that. I'm not perfect, Leonard. I have so many flaws, you can't even imagine. You can't keep looking at me like I'm the answer to your problems. It's too much pressure! And I have my own problems."

He sighed. "I just think we can get past those things. We're soul mates, we can make it work."

It didn't surprise Penny that Leonard thought they were soul mates-he had told her that many times. But it still scared the bajeesus out of her. How could he possibly think that? And how come she didn't even feel a shred of the same way? And how could she have kept this relationship going so long when she felt so different?

"Just because we live across the hall from each other doesn't make us soul mates. We have nothing in common. Yes, the sex is good, but it's not enough. I don't like thinking you keep me around so you'll have someone pretty on your arm at university functions, or so you have someone convenient to go to across the hall when you feel lonely. I mean...I do care about you. And I wanted this to work and I've been trying to make it work. And maybe it shouldn't be this hard. Maybe we shouldn't have to try."

Leonard nodded and didn't talk for a few minutes. Her heart was breaking for him, but this was for the best. They weren't soul mates. They weren't Ross and Rachel and they never would be.

He sniffed and then said, "Is this about Sheldon?"

And she wasn't lying when she said, "No. This has nothing to do with Sheldon. This is about me and you. What we want, and how we're on different paths."

"Well, is it about the kids? I don't…need kids. We can just babysit for Howard and Bernadette. That's fine with me."

This wasn't helping his case. She needed someone who would stand up to her. Who wouldn't just lay down and let her walk all over him.

"It's not about the kids. Okay? This is it, Leonard. Let's just accept it and move on. You're going to find someone who is way better for you than I am. Soon."

"I don't want to lose you..."

"You'll never lose me. I'll always be across the hall." She knew that wasn't what he meant. But it was all she could offer.

He nodded. They hugged and shared one last kiss, and before he could say anything else, she was gone. As soon as Penny walked across the hall and made it inside her apartment, she cried for the last time. She was single. Free. She could do anything she wanted and not have to answer to anyone. And she still couldn't stop thinking about Sheldon Cooper.

*****

In the computer lab, Sheldon was so close to figuring out the problem he'd been working on nonstop for days. A breakthrough was forthcoming, he was sure of it. Soon he was going to change the face of physics forever, and his life goal was going to be realized.

Next to him, Amy was checking her email. It was completely quiet in the lab when she jumped out of her chair and squeaked "Ohmygod!"

"What? Did you see a spider?" Sheldon questioned, preparing to jump out of his chair as well.

"No! I just got an email from Penny. She and Leonard broke up last night! Oh, no, I can't believe it. I have to get on a plane and go comfort her immediately."

He didn't even tell her to not be ridiculous-they still had work to do and Bernadette was there for her anyway. All he could think about was one simple fact-Penny did it. Even though he didn't have the courage to pull the trigger himself, she still held up her end of the bargain. She did it. That was one thing he admired about her. Penny wasn't weak. Maybe she had let her emotions lead the way during their entanglement together, but she wasn't weak. She knew what she wanted and went after it. And now Sheldon was in a foreign country with a woman he was just going through the motions with, and he never felt so lonely in his life.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N - Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated.**

*****

 _PANDO′RA. i.e. the giver of all, or endowed with everything, is the name of the first woman on earth. When Prometheus had stolen the fire from heaven, Zeus in revenge caused Hephaestus to make a woman out of earth, who by her charms and beauty should bring misery upon the human race. Aphrodite adorned her with beauty, Hermes gave her boldness and cunning, and the gods called her Pandora, as each of the Olympians had given her some power by which she was to work the ruin of man. Hermes took her to Epimetheus, who forgot the advice of his brother Prometheus, not to accept any gift from Zeus, and from that moment all miseries came down upon men._

"Doing some light reading there, Penny?" Elena sat down next to Penny in the hair and make-up room. Penny just finished taking the rollers out of her hair and they were both waiting patiently for their next scene. Embarrassed, Penny turned off her Kindle and sighed.

"I was just reading about Pandora. Since, you know, I opened the box and everything. I figured I might as well learn about her since, you know, I resemble her so closely."

Elena rolled her eyes. "Penny, you are not the reason why all men are miserable. Nor were you created to bring the downfall of man, okay? And guess what, I have good news-you weren't the only one to open that box. You had a little help. This wasn't a one-way street, you know what I mean? He is just as guilty as you are."

Penny nodded. "I know. I know that, I really do. I'm over it. I'm happy to be single. I also know I've got to get my shit together before I start dating again. I need to focus on my career. Maybe audition for a few more part-time gigs. You know, people who probably wouldn't so much as give me a second glance before I was on this wonderful, thought-provoking show of ours."

Elena nodded. They both stared ahead vacantly for a few minutes. Then Elena said, "How are things at home?"

Penny sighed. "Lonely. Leonard isn't ready to be friends yet. We try-I've gone over there for dinner a few times, but it's uncomfortable for everyone. So I just stopped going."

"Do you miss him?"

"Leonard? Well, I guess I miss his friendship. But I don't miss-"

"Not him! The freakishly tall guy? You know, the one you _claim_ to be over."

"Come on, Elena. It's been over for a while. I'm an independent woman. I get over things quickly."

Elena chuckled. "Penny, you may have an amazing capability to make people think you're strong, fierce and made of stone, but this is me. I'm an actress, too. I know what it's like to get away with hiding your true feelings from every single person in your life. But if nothing else, I'm going to be the girl to call you out on your crap. So, Penny, answer the question, do you miss him?"

Penny didn't want to miss Sheldon. She actually spent a lot of her time trying not to think about him at all. But she did miss him, all the time. She missed his weird laugh, his kissable lips, his sweetness, his innocence, and his vulnerability. He and Amy were coming back from Switzerland in mere days and she would see him soon, but nothing would ever be the way it was before Penny and Sheldon "opened the box". Too much had been said and done. It was ironic; now that her career was taking off, her social life was going down the crapper.

"Yes, all the time. It hasn't gotten any easier."

"Let me ask you...does it irritate you that your supposed 'bestie' gets to be the winner of this little game? That she gets to be the one who falls in love and ends up with him just because she got there first?"

"She didn't even get there first, I did! I knew him for almost four years before Amy met him! It's a bunch of shit-"

Penny stopped and took a breath. It wasn't like her anger towards Amy was a new thing. Yes, she had grown to care about the quirky girl and her wide range of social awkwardness and ignorance towards common sense, but she never would have chosen her for the role of best friend. Amy just showed up one day and made that particular decision. What loyalty did Penny really have to her? What did she owe her, if anything? Why should Amy get what she wants while Penny loses everything?

It always started like this. Whenever she closed her eyes and let herself think about the situation, the anger was her default and soon she was floating down a shame spiral. Really, her thoughts about the affair with Sheldon were so easily jumbled. Too many relationships and friendships and chemistries and politics were involved; it wasn't just black and white. When it came down to it, though, Penny and Sheldon were the ones who let it happen, and Amy and Leonard were just collateral damage.

"It doesn't matter who got there first, I guess. He made his choice. It wasn't me."

"Penny, look, you don't have to stay here and punish yourself. There are other jobs. Other cities. Other apartments where you don't live across the hall from the vortex of dorky men you've had intercourse with."

"What do you mean? I finally have this job that I love. My apartment may be uncomfortably located right now, but it's my first place that's all mine, you know? I pay for it, I don't have to share the bathroom with anyone, it's mine. Plus I know everything about this town, and I still have a few friends left..." She thought about Raj and Howard and Bernadette. They were all important to her in their own ways. They all made an impact on her life. She couldn't sever those relationships so easily.

"I mean, you don't have to stay here. We don't have to stay here. We're young and attractive and we have options. Look...I've been offered a role in a play in New York City. Not Broadway, but close enough. It's a twin role, Penny. We don't have contracts here. They could kill our characters off in a horrific accident and we could just leave. It's that simple."

It was amazing how this girl who Penny used to hate with the power of a thousand suns was now offering her a lifejacket. She had become the only person Penny could confide in. The only person who cared.

"I'm...not going to say no to that."

"But you're not going to say yes."

"No. Not yet."

"Because you'd miss him too much."

Penny just nodded. There was no use denying it-she'd miss Sheldon too much. She already missed him so much it hurt, and it had just been a few months. The thought of going years without seeing him, or the possibility of never seeing him again, made everything in her body ache.

"I'm just saying this as your friend who's looking out for you, so don't shoot the messenger. Do you think he's going to come home a changed man? Tell you he dumped Amy and he's ready for an adult relationship with you?"

Penny sighed, feeling pathetic. "Why can't that happen? Why is that so beyond the realm of possibility?"

Elena didn't reply. She just gave Penny a look. Penny understood...it wasn't going to happen. Because life wasn't a romantic comedy and people didn't always get what they wanted. Obviously she'd already learned that lesson many times. But maybe just this once...

"Penny and Elena, come to the set," The PA boomed. It was time to put her worries aside and get to work.

Just before the director called action, Elena said, "Just think about New York. It might be amazing."

Penny wanted to believe that. But after all this time, she didn't know how a place without Sheldon could possibly be amazing.

*****

 _A few days later_

He watched from the shadows behind the cast and crew, desperate to stay hidden from Penny.

He really shouldn't have come. There wasn't a single good reason why he was there. But as soon as he and Amy landed last night, all he could think about was seeing Penny. He was drawn to her. And he couldn't wait any longer.

Penny looked gorgeous up there in her element. She and her onscreen twin sister were eating at a fake restaurant and having a loud argument that was disturbing the rest of the patrons. He found this genre of acting to be complete nonsense, but it made Penny happy. So he watched. And yearned. And wished.

Finally, the director shouted, "Cut! Great, ladies. Just perfect. Thank you." Penny gave her co-star a high-five and they walked off the set together. It was that point when Sheldon definitely should have walked away. And when a production assistant saw him lurking and asked what he wanted, Sheldon should have walked away instead of saying, "I'm here to see Penny. She's expecting me."

To Sheldon's surprise, the assistant nodded and said, "Follow me." She took Sheldon through the long maze of hallways and then he found himself staring at a door with Penny's name on a star.

The PA knocked on the door and said, "Penny, there's something here to see you. He said you were expecting him."

A few moments passed while Sheldon's heart started beating way more rapidly than he was used to.

"What? I'm not expecting anybody-" The door opened and Penny froze. Her emerald eyes searched him in hopes of an answer as to why he was standing there before her. The PA looked back and forth between the two of them until Penny said, "Thank you, Margaret. Sheldon, come in, please."

Sheldon nodded nervously and came into Penny's dressing room, closing the door behind him. The room looked how one would have expected Penny's dressing room to look-all pink. Pink everywhere. Candles lit and clothes strewn on every available (pink) surface.

"Well, this is certainly a surprise. When did you get back?"

"Last night. Very late. You know, you should have much stricter safety protocols put in place here. I could have been a serial killer and that woman led me directly to your door."

"Sheldon, did you come here to lecture me on safety violations?"

"No, of course not."

"Then why _did_ you come here? I'm sure I would have seen you later. I was going to come over for dinner tonight with Raj, Bernadette and Howard." _And Amy._

"I wanted...to see you alone first."

Penny's face softened the tiniest bit. She was trying so hard to stay strong but Sheldon had come to know her well over the years. When it got right down to it, Penny let her emotions guide her completely. If she was anything like him at the moment, Penny was just as sad and vulnerable as he was.

"And I'm glad you're here. But that still doesn't answer my question. _Why_ are you here, Sheldon?"

Sheldon Lee Cooper was a genius. He'd accomplished many important things in his 32 years on the planet, including finally discovering the existence of the Higgs boson particle in Switzerland. He was going to be famous. He was going to win the Nobel Prize. And yet he had no idea why he was standing in the obnoxiously pink dressing room of his next door neighbor.

"I...I don't know."

Penny threw a few shirts and underwear off her couch and sat down. She looked at him closely and he felt like he was being evaluated They hadn't been in the same room for nearly three months. Even if they did miss each other; even if they were both consumed with the feeling of desire, love, anger and frustration, there was nothing more to say or do. Or so they tried to tell themselves.

"Are you and Amy still together?"

"Yes."

"I broke up with Leonard."

"I know."

"And you still don't know why you're here?"

It didn't make any sense and it shouldn't have happened and too much time had passed. They were done! They were over. But clearly there was lingering feelings and desires, because they couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other. It started with a hug that may have been considered innocent at one time, but there was nothing innocent about it. They kind of met in the middle of the room and clung to one another, eventually finding the couch to clumsily come to a landing.

It was inevitable, really. They needed to settle a primal debt. It doesn't matter who kissed who first—they both wanted it. He put his hands in her hair and bit her lip and sucked her tongue just as she taught him at the beginning of this whole mess. They consumed each other. They kissed until they had to fight to breathe, and then they kissed some more.

"I want you," Penny whispered in his ear, and then bit his earlobe. He shivered with pleasure, which Penny anticipated and enjoyed.

"Show me," he whispered back, not recognizing himself, not caring.

She straddled him with great efficiency. Sheldon quickly tossed aside the robe she'd been wearing. He ran his hands along her perfect, milky, naked thighs, missing them more than he'd ever missed anything in his life. They kissed like horny teenagers, not able to keep their hands to themselves. She took his shirt off; he snapped her bra off and had a nipple in his mouth in seconds. It was already hard. It got harder as he sucked and bit and licked until she was practically begging for mercy.

When Penny had enough of the teasing, she took his pants off, ran her hand down his hardness, smiled mischievously.

"Sheldon..."

He didn't say anything. Couldn't say anything. So she said, "I need you inside of me. You don't know how much I've thought about this since you've been gone. If you don't fuck me right this second, I'll just go crazy."

"Okay. Yes. Now." He lost the ability to speak in complete sentences.

She said, "One second, please," and rooted through a drawer and found a condom. She watched with interest as he now expertly applied it.

"Wow, you must have gotten a lot of practice with-" Her snarky comment was cut off by Sheldon pushing her down on the couch, getting on top of her, parting her legs and sliding inside of her. There was nothing gentle about it. Penny let out a sharp breath and just held on for dear life while they found a familiar rhythm together.

Sheldon lasted a long time with her. Sex with Penny was so different from sex with Amy. Penny moved with him so flawlessly. So effortlessly. Penny touched him everywhere, as if she was exploring his body for the first time. She closed her eyes in pleasure, grabbed his ass and pushed him deeper into her. Amy had developed her own routine during sex and it was fine, but it was nothing like this. And for the millionth time, Sheldon wondered if he made the wrong decision. This time, he was pretty sure he did.

There wasn't a lot of room for cuddling on the small couch, especially with Sheldon's six foot-ness, but they made it work. Penny knew Sheldon wasn't a cuddler and really, neither was she. But they missed each other so much, and they just wanted to be together for a few minutes. They held hands and quietly contemplated what just happened. Penny knew the regret would sink in soon, but this was their moment to enjoy. Maybe their last moment. Perhaps acknowledging this in his head also, Sheldon squeezed her hand. They didn't talk. They didn't need to talk.

Eventually Sheldon extracted himself from her and took a quick shower in Penny's tiny bathroom. She sat at her make-up table and stared into the mirror. She waited for the regret to envelope her as usual, but there was definitely less guilt this time. She didn't owe Leonard anything anymore, and part of her decided she was never that good of a friend to Amy, anyway. But she was still disappointed in her weakness for Sheldon's kiss and his touch. She usually liked to feel in control and with him, she wasn't. It was so unsettling.

When Sheldon reappeared, he looked flustered. He probably felt just as disappointed as she did.

He sat on the sofa and she turned in her chair to face him. "We can't do that again. You made a decision and I have to respect that."

Sheldon nodded, but didn't apologize. "It was ill-advised, for sure."

What the hell did that mean? Did it mean that he wasn't sorry? That he didn't regret cheating on Amy? That he did what he needed to do and he reacted to his instincts for once and he wasn't going to apologize for it? Penny didn't recognize this side of Sheldon. But she liked it..

They were quiet for a moment. Penny actually started to get bored. She started picking at a loose thread in her robe. Someone was going to have to talk eventually.

"I'm with Amy because it's easy," Sheldon blurted out, and then instantly looked embarrassed.

"Excuse me?" Penny did not seem to appreciate where he was going with that.

"I feel like…I need to tell you this. Please, just listen."

"Sheldon, seriously, you don't owe me an explanation."

Sheldon ignored her protest. "Everything else in my life is a challenge-my work, relating to others, making friends, maintaining relationships, my mother-it's all a challenge. But Amy is easy. She understands the academic life. She lives it herself. We did have a bumpy start but now we know how to deal with each other's moods. It's like being with a female version of me, and it's easy."

"Well, that's fascinating, Sheldon. Although I don't remember requesting a biography on your relationship."

He sighed. She wasn't going to make this easy for him. How could he explain it? How could he find the words to tell her that everything in his life up to this point had been so difficult to achieve? Leaving his parents so early to go to college, working his ass off to achieve his goals before a certain age, being so much smarter than 95% of the people he interacted with on a daily basis...after all that, he needed something easy. And although Amy was a bit more touchy-feely than he'd prefer, being with her was simple. They'd probably get married and maybe have a few genius babies and publish papers together and it was what was expected of him. With Penny, she'd want adventure. She'd constantly challenge him and consume him and seduce him. There would be no way to focus on the work he needed to do if she was a permanent fixture in his life. He just couldn't do it.

Maybe someday he'd have the courage to explain this to her. If he ever had the chance. If he ever had the balls. But for now, he just said. "I just..I have reasons for my decision, Penny. Sometimes those reasons elude me, like today. But I do plan to devote my romantic emotions solely to Amy. I just…I needed this today."

Penny was quiet for a moment. Sheldon suddenly felt very nervous.

"I know it's easy, Sheldon. I know you and Amy make so much more sense than you and me. But tell me this-can you honestly say that after spending two and a half months with Amy, that you are better off with her than with me?"

Ah, finally, the million dollar question. And Sheldon had no idea how to answer it.

Sheldon swallowed. "Honestly, Penny…would the answer even make a difference right now? What if I said yes? What if I said I'm ready to dump her and make a commitment to you? Is that what you want?"

Penny smiled sadly. "No. It's too late. You made your choice and it's too late. You had your chance. A few months ago I would have taken you up on that. But at the time, you were just doing the right thing and I admire that. But now? Maybe in some other universe we can be together. But in this one? Friends."

Maybe Penny said that because she wanted him to fight for her. Maybe she wanted him to prove that he would step up; do the right thing and break up with Amy. But she wasn't going to lead him there. He had to figure it out on his own, and right now, he was blowing it. So she added insult to injury.

"Just for the record...if things were different, I would never get in the way of your studies and projects. I love watching you work, actually. Your mind is so different from mine. From anyone I've ever met. I don't think I'd ever get tired of watching you figure out something impossible for most people on the planet to even contemplate. I know that's what worries you about a future with me. Yes, I'd make sure we had fun together. But not at the expense of your work. I respect your work ethic and your desire to conquer the competition. So...yeah."

"Good to know," he murmured. As usual, he had underestimated Penny. Now he was going to spend a long time paying for that mistake. Ugh, he was so damn stupid sometimes.

"Well, anyway. I'll walk you out. Hey, how'd you get here, anyway?"

"I borrowed Raj's car. Let's just say he's sensitive to our plight."

"You drove here?" Penny's mind was blown. Sheldon only drove when there was an emergency, and even then, did so hesitantly and with many complaints.

"Well...yes. I needed to see you. It was important."

Penny grinned. Sheldon loved when she grinned.

"That means a lot to me, sweetie. Thank you for taking that risk for me. Oh, my god! I totally forgot, Leonard said you discovered the Higgs boson! That is so freakin' amazing! I can't believe I didn't bring it up until now; it's such a huge, awesome thing that's going to change your life!"

"Yes, I did. I'm writing several papers and my name is on the list for the Nobel Prize."

"I'm so proud of you, sweetie. This is it. You've accomplished your goal and that is so, so cool. We're all incredibly proud of you."

"Thank you. It's been a long time in the making and I had to compete with some of the world's best scientists to win. I hope you'll come to the ceremony next year?"

"Nothing could stop me," she said, and squeezed his hand.

In the parking lot, a nice-looking young man in his twenties stopped Penny and said, "Ohmygod! Can I please get your autograph?"

Penny smiled. "Of course! Who do I make it out to?"

"Dave. Thank you so much! I can't believe this!" She posed for a quick picture she knew was going directly to Twitter and Facebook, and Dave bounded off.

When he was gone, Sheldon said, "Looks like I'm not the only one realizing my dreams."

"Yeah, that's been happening a lot more lately. Like, it's a daily thing now. It's so much fun!"

They finally found Raj's car and Sheldon unlocked it and stood there awkwardly. He had so much more to say, but there was really no point in saying it.

But Penny surprised him. She pinned him against the car, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He wanted time to stop so he could live inside this moment. But at some point it would surely have to end.

And it did. Penny finally managed to pry herself off him and said, "A good-bye kiss. It'll give you something to remember me by."

"Well, that was...enlightening. Thank you."

She nodded. "I guess I'll see you tonight, then."

Sheldon gave her a little smile and opened the door to the car. Penny swung it closed. He looked at her in confusion.

"Sheldon? I asked her to."

"Pardon?"

"I asked her to. The production assistant brought you to my room because I asked her to. A few months ago I told her that if a handsome and confused tall guy came looking for me, go ahead and bring him to my room. Because I never gave up on us, Sheldon. I always wanted you to come find me. You did, even if it is too late."

And then she walked away, and Sheldon watched her until he couldn't see her anymore, and then he shook his head and drove back home to Amy.

*****

Penny had no inclination whatsoever to walk her ass across the hall for dinner and keep up the pretense that her heart wasn't completely broken. But Amy had already texted her three times to make sure she was still coming and plus it was time to be in a room with all these people again. Since the last time they all had dinner together, Howard and Bernadette had gotten married, Sheldon and Amy had been gone for two and a half months and consummated their relationship multiple times, and Leonard and Penny broke up. There was a new dynamic now and it was time they all got used to it.

As soon as she walked in the door, she was tackled by Amy. "Bestie! I have so much to tell you! Can I spend the night tonight?"

Oh, no. No, no, no. She could not endure an entire night of Amy talking about Sheldon. Being with Sheldon. Sex with Sheldon. Loving Sheldon. No.

"Oh, Amy, I can't. I have to be on the set so early tomorrow. Maybe another time." _Maybe never._

Amy looked disappointed. "Who will I tell about my escapades with Sheldon? I'm a woman now! I want everyone to know!"

"I don't know, maybe write about it on your blog or something," Penny replied sarcastically. She was beginning to get really annoyed with Amy. She just wanted her to shut up, and she'd barely been in her presence for 20 seconds.

Amy frowned. "Are you...mad at me or something?"

Ugh. Penny was going to have to get better at this. She had to keep reminding herself that this whole situation was never Amy's fault. Maybe she should let Amy come over for a sleepover. Maybe she should hear about Amy's experiences in Switzerland with Sheldon. It would help her mourn and get over the situation so she could move on with her life.

"Sorry, it's just been a long day. And I have PMS."

"Oh, I have a way to treat that, actually. It involves orgasms."

Penny grimaced. "I don't...I'm good. Thank you, though."

"Come on, Penny! Let's have a sleepover. We'll have fun, I promise."

"Ooh, a sleepover? Can I come, too?" Bernadette asked, appearing out of nowhere.

"Okay, yes. We can totally do the sleepover tonight. I have ice cream." _And lots of wine_.

"Yay! Oh, we have so much to gossip about. I can't wait!" Amy bounded over to Sheldon in the kitchen and kissed him on the cheek. The way he smiled at Amy broke Penny's heart all over again.

"Hey, Penny, good to see you," Leonard said, and gave her a hug. She kissed his cheek for no apparent reason and he beamed. She could do this. She could be his friend. It was better than the alternative, which was not having any of these people in her life anymore. Maybe she would consider New York City. But for now, she had good friends. A good life. Not too much to complain about. Yes, she was heartbroken, but so what? Lots of people were. She'd get over it eventually.

It was pizza night, and there was plenty of it. Everyone stuffed their faces happily and chatted about how their summer was going. They all wanted to know about Sheldon's discovery of the Higgs boson and he was more than happy to oblige.

While Howard, Raj and Leonard got into a discussion about the newest laser project they were working on at the lab, Sheldon caught Penny's eye. She smiled; he smiled back. It was going to be okay. Penny couldn't help but think they'd gotten away with something. No, it never should have happened. She was sad, he was sad. It would probably take a long time to forget about the way his lips felt on hers and the way she felt so...full when they had sex. But it was going to be okay. It was something the two of them would share until their last breath. Their secret.

In retrospect, Penny should have known that was just _too_ easy. Nothing was ever that simple, and she had tempted fate just by thinking it could be.

Leonard was now at his computer, looking up the statistics for the new laser. She watched him check his email. She watched the whole scene unfold. She would never forget it, because that exact moment is when _everything_ changed. And not for the better.

"Oh, look, Penny...there's a Google alert for your name."

"You get Google alerts for my name? Dork," Penny said it jokingly, but she was nervous for some reason. She hoped with all her heart that it was just the guy who took a picture of her earlier in the day and not something else.

"It's from TMZ. Ooh, you're in trouble!"

"I'm on TMZ? What the hell? Come on, Leonard, don't read it. Please. Just let me...look at it first."

There, on Leonard's computer screen, was a picture of her on the TMZ website. It was from earlier in the day. And she was in a full lip lock with someone very tall and very smart.

_"Looks like this young starlet, who is on the hit soap opera Fire Lake, was caught having a little soap opera of her own in the parking lot today. I guess this hot new actress is taken, boys."_

And then the shit hit the fan.


	13. Chapter 13

"It was a good-bye kiss!"

In the six months she and Sheldon had been stealing kisses behind closed doors, Penny never imagined getting caught. She'd perfected the art of sneaking around as a teenager. She had spent a good deal of her life lying to various people-she was good at it. She'd honed and cultivated it. Hell, she was an actress. She lied for a _living_. Penny could probably write a "How To" guide on how to perfect the art of deception and successfully carry it out. Suffice it to say, she never expected getting caught. Penny had become so confident in her ability to lie and cover her tracks, she hadn't really taken any time to consider what she would do if anyone found out. In a way, Penny just assumed that it either wouldn't happen or that she would be able to lie her way out of it if it did.

But this was different. This, she couldn't lie about. Right there, on Leonard's computer screen was a picture of Penny and Sheldon embracing, passionately kissing, not even caring that they may have had an audience. There was nothing she could say or do to make that go away.

Over in his spot, Sheldon had no idea what was about to hit him. Penny wanted to go over to him, comfort him, tell him everything would be okay. But again, that was a lie. Nothing would be okay, and it probably wouldn't be for a long time. Everything that had gone unspoken for the past six months was being said in the picture.

"What? A kiss? Who is kissing who?" Howard got up to take a look, quickly followed by Bernadette and Amy. Raj had already figured out what this was about and gave Penny a look that she interpreted as "Well, it was nice knowing you." Sheldon was frozen in place. Penny was burying her face in her hands because in about four seconds, everything-

"What is this, bestie? I don't get it...were you guys rehearsing a scene or something?" Amy looked confused.

Penny pulled her hands away from her face and looked Amy right in the eye, momentarily forgetting her shame and guilt. Every part of her knew it was wrong, but she was about to ask Amy how she could be so naïve and stupid. She wanted to tell Amy that she wasn't sorry and didn't regret any of her actions, because she loved Sheldon. Penny would have said a million of other hurtful things, but thankfully Leonard spoke first.

"You see a picture of your best friend kissing your boyfriend and that's your reaction? I want to know what the fuck 'a good-bye kiss' is supposed to mean? How many kisses were there, exactly? That's the first thing I'd want to know. But that's just me." Leonard looked as though he was trying very hard to stay calm.

"Now, Leonard, let's let them explain. I'm sure Sheldon and Penny have an adequate reason for sticking their tongues down each other's throat like they were mining for gold-"

"Howie! Not helping." Bernadette did not look pleased with her husband.

Leonard slowly turned around and looked at the culprits. Sheldon was staring straight ahead. Penny was staring intensely at a piece of thread that was starting to unravel in her shorts. She'd have to retire the shorts soon. It was a shame; she really loved those shorts-

"So who wants to explain this to me? Not that I need an explanation. Clearly all the crap that's been happening around here for the last few months finally makes sense."

"Leonard, come on," Penny said softly. "This isn't what it looks like. _It was a good-bye kiss!"_ She didn't know how that was going to make anything better, but he needed to know. She didn't want to lie anymore. But she didn't want to explain herself, either. They'd never get it. They'd never understand.

"Why were you saying goodbye in the first place?" Leonard was turning red. Oh, this was not going to end well. Beside him, Amy was also getting all riled up.

"Sheldon! Snap out of it and tell me you guys were rehearsing a scene or something. I know you wouldn't do this to me!"

Maybe it was the sound of normally calm and even-tempered Amy raising her voice that made Sheldon finally snap to attention. He rose from his spot and went over the Leonard's computer, something Penny should have warned him against doing—Leonard was likely to resent his very presence at the moment. Sheldon saw the picture of the kiss in question and was starting to say something when, in one quick motion, Leonard got up and shoved Sheldon toward the door. Hard. If Sheldon had been Leonard's size; if he hadn't been working out for the past couple of months and if he hadn't been aware of his surroundings, maybe Leonard would have succeeded in hurting Sheldon. But Sheldon didn't fall, and Leonard just ended up getting more frustrated.

"How could you do this to me? You know how I feel about her! You know!"

Sheldon cleared his throat, and he finally started talking.

"I know that you are attracted to Penny sexually. I know that you've confessed your feelings for her on many occasions, including the day we met her in the hallway when you knew nothing but her looks. And I also know you've never treated her the way she desires. She's not an object, Leonard. Penny deserves more than that."

"Oh, and I suppose whatever the two of you have going on is deep and meaningful? Because in this picture, it sure doesn't look like it."

"You don't know anything, Leonard! You can't—you have no idea!" Sheldon was so rarely at a loss for words. The fact that he was defending their affair made Penny's heart break all over again. It meant something to him; _she_ meant something to him. And now it was on display for everyone to see and judge and she felt violated.

"Then why don't you explain it to me? If this is anything other than what it looks like, I'd love to hear an explanation."

Silence, deep and penetrating silence. The absence of noise did not mean that the room itself was quiet. Penny felt like this silence was louder than any noise she'd ever experienced, because this silence spoke volumes. How could they possibly explain and rationalize their actions, their deception, to the others? How could they defend themselves when they both knew that what they had done was wrong? Penny immediately knew that her and Sheldon had been quiet for too long when Leonard started to speak again.

"Someone is going to have to start talking because nobody is leaving this apartment until we figure this out. I want answers and I want them now."

It went without saying, but Penny had never seen Leonard this angry. And frankly, she had no idea what he was capable of when he was in this state. Everyone always thought of him as a scrawny geek, but Penny knew there was a question mark in there somewhere; a screw loose in that giant brain of his.

"Amy and I had just gotten in from Switzerland. I visited Penny at her workplace to say hello. Things got out of hand. That is what happened. And I will thank you kindly to not keep our friends trapped in our living quarters—"

"I do not give a flying dog shit about what you will thank me kindly for. Why did you visit Penny at work? She never let me do that. She never wanted me there. Why was she breaking the rules for you?"

Silence again. Penny closed her eyes and hoped when she opened them again, she'd be somewhere else. Like Hawaii. Or dead.

Howard, Bernadette and Raj were now in the kitchen, trying to keep themselves occupied yet not taking their eyes away from Leonard's increasing insanity. Amy was still staring at the picture on the computer, Sheldon had moved from Leonard's side to his own computer, and Penny retreated to the couch to watch the rest of this drama unfold. 

Leonard looked like he was about to explode. His face was beginning to turn purple from the lack of oxygen; Penny couldn't remember the last time she saw him take a breath. Leonard turned to Amy and addressed her, like they were the only four people in the room.

"Okay, if none of you assholes are going to talk, I think I've managed to put the pieces together. Some time ago, Penny and Sheldon started to see each other behind our backs, Amy. Who knows why, or how, or what they were thinking, or how they could do that to us. That's not important. What is important is how Penny lied to me and said she had 'an infection' and couldn't mess around when in fact she was messing around, just not with me. What's also important, Amy, is that the two of them went to Vegas when you and I were out of town. And who knows what disgusting crap they did to each other there. What do you think, Penny? Sheldon? Am I getting this right?"

"No," Sheldon and Penny said together.

"NO! No, you didn't go to Vegas together? You haven't been sticking your tongues down each other's throats? What are you saying no to, exactly?"

Penny didn't look at Amy. Nobody looked at Amy. This was hard enough without having to deal with knowing what was going through Amy's head. Sheldon cleared his throat again and decided to speak for himself and Penny, who seemed to have lost the ability to talk.

"Yes. Yes, Leonard, those things did happen as you describe. But not in the way you're assuming. It was not some lustful affair we threw ourselves into, as you are inclined to think."

This only made Leonard angrier. "What the hell are you trying to say, Sheldon? That you're in love with Penny? Because the last time I checked, you didn't have the capability to love anyone."

Regardless of what anyone might have thought of Sheldon's inability to have appropriate emotions given the circumstances, this statement made him angry. He was a human being and just as capable of getting his feelings destroyed as anyone else. Leonard was a good friend, but he was always dismissing Sheldon's emotions when they didn't fit Leonard's perception. In this scenario, that wasn't going to work. Maybe it was time Sheldon stood up for himself. Maybe it was time for the dynamics of this friendship to shift.

"I think that what I think is love and what you think is love are two very different things. My definition of love is more than sex and convenience, which is clearly what the two of you have in common."

This time, Leonard was able to knock Sheldon to the ground. Just with the sheer force of his fist. Penny finally got up and ran to Sheldon. In mere seconds, Bernadette bolted over with some ice to put on Sheldon's eye, which Leonard basically pummeled.

"Sheldon! Are you okay?" Penny kneeled beside him and held his head in her hands. She applied the ice to his face, which made him inhale sharply. Penny never thought they'd be here. At this point. How did they get here? Why did they let it come this far? In her life, Penny didn't spend a lot of time thinking about morals and beliefs. But now she was starting to think that maybe she really was a bad person. Looking at all the people she'd hurt by her impulsiveness was making her see how truly bad she'd messed up this time. Sheldon didn't look much better. And now he'd have a black eye to prove it.

"Oh, aren't you the helpful nurse! I'm sure if I was the one on the ground, you couldn't care less. You'd probably leave me there to die. By the way, are you just going to sit there, Sheldon? You don't want to hit me back? Come on, I'll give you one free hit. You've ripped my heart out, anyway, what's one less organ?" God, Leonard was so dramatic sometimes.

Sheldon shook his head. "I'm not a violent person, Leonard. I don't think it will accomplish anything to hit you. "

"Figures," Leonard said, shaking his head. "You get to be the noble hero and I get to be the asshole."

Enough. Penny had enough. Yes, Leonard was entitled to be mad about the situation. Yes, he was justified in making the two of them feel terrible about what they've done. But he was not allowed to be a fifth grade bully. They were adults and this was getting ridiculous.

"Shut up, Leonard! Shut. Up. You have no idea what happened with us! It was never about you. It wasn't about Amy. Sheldon cares…he cares about me. And I care about him. And we have a lot in common. And we let that get the best of us for a few months, but it's over now. I know that won't be of any comfort to you right now, but it's over. And may I remind you, _we're not even together anymore_ , nor have we been for a while now. You need to get the hell off your high horse."

Leonard chuckled. It was not a polite chuckle, or a happy chuckle. Penny suddenly became very nervous about how this was all going to end.

"I should have expected this, really. You know, when you made that huge stink about having that musician asshole crash at your place, I knew you had a past. But it's taken me this long to realize it isn't just the past. It's the past, present and future. Once a whore, _always_ a whore."

And that's when Sheldon got up and punched Leonard in the face. Leonard doubled over and grunted and shrieked. Everyone in the room stared at the scene in confusion and excitement. At that point, most of them were on Sheldon and Penny's side (Except for Amy, obviously), due to Leonard's immature reaction and irrational assumptions. Leonard was his own worst enemy here.

"What happened to you not believing in violence?" Howard asked Sheldon with admiration in his voice.

"Apparently I now believe in it when it's necessary," Sheldon said. "Penny does not deserve to be spoken to in such a way, no matter how angry Leonard is."

Penny wanted to hug Sheldon-he was so courageous sometimes. But that definitely would have only added fuel to the already raging fire. Sheldon probably figured he was defending her honor and she loved that.

Instead, she leaned down into Leonard's face on the floor and said, "You deserved that, asshole! I may be a whore, but you're going to end up a lonely old man because you ruin every single relationship you're in. With your insecurity and selfishness and immaturity. At least when I'm old and lonely, I'll remember the man who loved me not because I let him have sex with me, but because he loved who I was. He didn't judge me. And he did the right thing out of respect for the people he cared about."

Penny couldn't take it anymore, and knew if she didn't leave right then, she would break down in front of all of them. She couldn't let that happen. She got up and looked around the room. All of her friends were staring at her. Penny just shrugged; she opened the door, closed it calmly, walked the few feet across the hall, opened that door and then closed it calmly. Once she got inside, she collapsed against the door and cried. Cried so hard, she was sure everyone across the hall could hear. Cried so hard, it gave her a headache. After an hour or so of sobbing, she got up and rooted around in her cabinets for some Motrin. She swallowed three of them and tried to figure out what to do with herself. She wasn't needed on set for a few days, but she didn't want to stay home, either. Thinking about being across the hall from all that drama made her head hurt even more.

So she texted Elena. _Can I stay with you for a few days? Long story..._

Seconds later, her phone buzzed. _Of course. I'm at a party right now but I'll come pick you up in an hour._

Well, at least she still had one friend left.

Penny sank into her couch. She drank some wine and thought about what had gone down. She didn't really care that much about Leonard and his crazy reaction. He'd get over it eventually. Or not, whatever. What she cared about was what Sheldon was going to do now. He worked and lived with Leonard, had a relationship with Amy...what was he going to do? Where was he going to live? It surprised Penny that she had more empathy for his situation than hers. And she realized she really must be in love with the guy if that was true.

Someone knocked on her door. Unfortunately it wasn't nine knocks, which is what she wanted most in the world. She took another swig of wine and said resignedly, "Come in."

For some reason, Penny wasn't expecting Amy to come through her door. She was expecting Bernadette or possibly Elena (even though she would have had to have the ability of flight to get to Penny's so fast) but it was Amy. Looking how one would expect someone in her situation to look-heartbroken. Destroyed. Devastated. Like she was never going to trust anyone ever again.

Amy sat down next to Penny. Penny didn't say anything. She knew she needed to hear what Amy was going to say-she deserved it.

Amy was quiet for a while. Well, not quiet-she was crying. Penny knew she didn't want a hug from the person who'd been deceiving her for six months, so she kept her distance. The crying and the quiet went on for an unnervingly long time, but then she began to speak.

"When I was maybe 12 years old, I had skipped a few grades in school. I was in ninth grade, and all the other girls were a lot more experienced than me. They had long legs and perky breasts and they made out with boys in cars and I'd always listen in on their conversations and get jealous of their amazing lives. Me, I was on an academic mission and nothing was going to stop me, but I had hormones just like everyone else. I had the biggest crush on this boy I was in orchestra with. I played the harp and he played the viola. His name was Sergio and I convinced myself I was in love with him. Well, some of the older girls must have noticed because they dared him to ask me out. Yep, _dared_ him.

"I won't go into specifics of the date because I'm sure you can guess what happened. It was bad enough that I swore off dating until I graduated, and when I graduated I realized no one wanted to date me, so I swore it off for even longer. I only went on dates to please my mother. I never met a single person I had any romantic interest in, ever. And then I met Sheldon. And just when I thought I was getting somewhere with him...just when I thought he really cared about me, I find out that my best friend has been betraying me for months. I don't understand. How- _why_?"

"Honestly? I didn't do this to you. Yes, you are my friend and I felt guilty that I was doing something that would hurt you. But I didn't do it intentionally. It wasn't like…it's not like I did this to you on purpose. And, Amy, Sheldon _does_ really care about you. And it really _was_ a good-bye kiss. Because he wants to be with you. He wants to make it right with you. I can't emphasize that enough. He picked _you_."

"I'm sure you can understand how little comfort that is to me right now. Look, I have some questions that I would like for you to answer truthfully. Leonard seemed to figure out a lot of things I have yet to discover. So please tell me, when did this affair of yours start?"

"Oh, Amy, it wasn't exactly an affair..."

"Just answer the question. I think I deserve that much."

Penny sighed. She hadn't been prepared for this conversation but she probably owed it to Amy, anyway. It was karma. Penny had always believed in karma, and now it had come to bite her in the ass.

"Fine. You're right. It started six months ago. Sheldon came to me and asked me to assist him with a problem he was having. You wanted the relationship to become more physical and he was willing to make that happen, but he was afraid of disappointing you. So he asked me for a kissing lesson. At first I looked at it as an acting challenge, but the moment he kissed me, I knew it was more than that. And...well, yeah. That's when it started."

"Interesting. So am I right to assume that before Sheldon and I reached another level of intimacy, he first, um, rehearsed this with you? Every time?"

"Yes."

"And you went to Las Vegas with him? I can't even get him to go to my great aunt's birthday party and you got him to Vegas. What did you do there, exactly?"

"Um, well, we played cards. Ate a lot. Went to a Garth Brooks show. And a train museum."

Amy nodded, taking this all in. Penny was torn between feeling like the worst person in the history of the world, and feeling like Amy should speed it up and get this over with. Why prolong the agony? Why did she want to know every single detail? Why was she torturing herself like this?

"I don't want to ask this question, I really don't-"

"Then don't, Amy. Just don't ask."

"I'm afraid I have to. I'm a scientist. I need all the information. Am I correct in assuming that he had coitus with you before we went to Switzerland?"

"Yes. Once."

Amy took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes.

"He lost his virginity. To you."

"Yes."

"Before I got a chance to be with him first. To lose my flower to him. To have these experiences together."

"Yes. I'm sorry. I don't...I don't know what to say."

"Seriously, Penny. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I'm a nice person...I've made many unique scientific discoveries that have been written about in important journals. I'm smart, I'm feisty, I have a good rack..."

Penny didn't know what having a good rack had to do with the affair...Amy's train of thought was derailing pretty quickly. "Again, we didn't do it to spite you, Amy. It was just something that happened. It got out of control. There were...feelings involved and we didn't handle it very well. I got swept up in the drama, I'll be the first to admit. It was selfish and it was irrational and it felt right to me at the time. But he made a choice. You are his choice. You are the one he wants to be with."

"Oh, lucky me, I get a cheating bastard for a partner. Thank you, Penny. Thank you for giving him to me. I'm so happy."

"Gee, Amy, the sarcasm is a little much, don't you think? You know what, there were two people in this situation. Two of us. Why aren't you yelling at him right now?" Penny felt bad about throwing Sheldon under the bus, but she didn't want to be the only person to blame, either.

Amy glared at Penny, and for some reason, Penny had a hard time caring.

"He'll get what's coming to him, don't worry about that. But he went to bed. I think Leonard may have given him a concussion."

"Oh, crap. Is he going to be okay? Do we need to take him to the hospital? Isn't sleeping when you have a concussion a bad idea?"

For a moment, Amy was distracted from her anger. She looked unsettled by Penny's questions. "No. That's a myth. You really do care about him, don't you?"

"That's not it, I'm just concerned-"

"Penny. No more lies. I will repeat: you care about him, don't you?"

Penny nodded. "Yes. I...goddammit, Amy, I love the guy. So much. I was fine without him for so long and then we kissed and everything changed. I love him. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it."

Amy took this all in. "Does he love you?" Ah. The question that was on everyone's minds.

"I don't know. Sometimes I think he does. Or he could. But he's never said the words out loud." It felt nice to be honest for once. Refreshing. But the truth stung. And now it lingered in the air for them both to ponder.

"I have one more question and then I'll take my leave. I have a feeling we won't be seeing each other for a while and I guess I'll just have to deal with that. My question is this: I legitimately thought I was your best friend. I've never had a best friend before...hell, I've never really had many friends period. But I'm pretty sure friends don't sleep with each other's boyfriends. Why did you do this to me? Were you jealous? You're so used to being the "Queen Bee" that you had to take Sheldon away from me? Come to think of it, you slept with Raj, too. Gosh, Penny, all you have left is Howard. Too bad he's married now."

Penny chuckled. Maybe Amy was trying to hurt her, but it wasn't anything Penny hadn't thought of herself already. But it still annoyed her. Enough to lay down exactly the way she felt about her 'bestie'.

"You know what…I never signed up to be your best friend. You just assumed we were. I've tried to be a good friend to you, Amy, but I never signed up to be 'besties'. I'm nobody's best friend. I have to look out for myself; it's always been that way. No, you're right, real friends don't sleep with each other's boyfriends. But this was never about you or Leonard; that's what I keep saying. It was between me and Sheldon. And now it's over."

"It certainly is. Well, now that we've gotten that all cleared up, I think I'll take my leave. It was nice while it lasted, Penny. But I guess that was all in my head, right?" And then she got up, flung open the door, slammed it, and she was gone.

Penny curled up on her couch and waited for Elena to collect her. She desperately wanted to hear those nine knocks before she left, but they never came. She knew it was a bad idea but she wanted one last night. Her and Sheldon against the world. Then they could deal with reality in the morning. But he didn't call or text or email or tweet or write on her wall. Radio silence. And it broke her heart.

Finally Elena arrived. Penny threw some of her crap in a bag and grabbed her laptop on the way out. Elena didn't try to make conversation until they were in the car and on the move.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Elena finally asked.

Penny sighed, tapped a few keys on her phone, and showed Elena the incriminating picture while they sat at a red light.

"Oh. Oh, no. Leonard saw this, didn't he?"

"Oh, yes. Everyone did."

"That's not good."

"No. No, it's not."

Sensing that Penny didn't want to elaborate, Elena stopped talking. They arrived at Elena's apartment, which was covered floor to ceiling in gothic decorating. She'd even painted the walls black, which made the place somewhat scary and foreboding. It was exactly where Penny wanted to be. It reflected her mood and she figured if her soul was an actual physical substance, it would be as black as Elena's walls.

Elena had a spare bedroom and Penny crashed on the bed, not wanting to ever open her eyes again. She felt Elena sit next to her and she said, without looking up, "I interrupted your date, didn't I?"

"You did. We were at a party. Things were about to get interesting."

Penny moaned. "Was she really hot?"

"The hottest girl I've ever seen in maybe my entire life. The best part? She's never seen a soap opera. Ever. We basically had nothing to talk about. So we made out instead."

Penny chuckled, but also felt a strange pang of jealousy.

"So anyway, I'm going to get up early tomorrow and go jogging, but feel free to sleep in. You need it...you look like crap right now."

"Oh, thanks. I think I will. I need to write a few emails when I wake up, anyway."

"Cool. The WiFi password is IHEARTAXLROSE. No spaces."

And with that, Penny burst into uncontrollable tears. Elena didn't know what to do about this random breakdown her new friend was having, so she just held her hand and let her cry. And cry. And cry. Until Penny cried herself to sleep.

*****

Penny slept until 11:00. She slowly rose, made some coffee, had some of Elena's Fruit Loops. She set up her laptop on the kitchen table and checked Twitter and Facebook to see if Sheldon left her any messages. He hadn't. Reluctantly, she opened her email. Nothing there, either.

Her first mission of the day was first was to email Leonard. She didn't have much to say to him and she was sure he didn't want to hear from her anyway but she felt like she owed him something.

_Leonard - I know you don't want to hear from me right now. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you and I know it might be a long time, if ever, before we're able to repair our friendship. You did-DO-mean a lot to me. Just not what I meant to you._

_Sincerely, Penny._

After another cup of coffee and a few deep breaths, Penny wrote another email, this time to Sheldon.

_Sheldon - I'm sorry for the way this happened, but I'll never be sorry for exploring what exists between us, or the experiences that we shared. I will never forget watching you close your eyes and sing along to Garth Brooks. You knew every word to every song. I loved that._

_I know I might not see you again for a long time and I guess I'll have to live with that. But I want you to know it was worth it. And I meant everything I said. I'm in love with you, and that doesn't just go away when I don't get to see you every day. You are strong and courageous and the smartest man I know. I know you'll win that Nobel Prize. I only wish I could be there to share it with you._

_Love, Penny._

A few minutes later, Elena came jogging back inside. She opened the refrigerator and retrieved an apple and a bottle of water. Penny knew she was going to have to adopt this same lifestyle soon if she was going to play her twin onstage. No more Fruit Loops.

"What's up?" Elena asked after taking a drink of the water and a bite of her apple.

Penny inhaled, exhaled, and said what had been on her mind for weeks now. It was time for a new start. A clean slate.

"Let's do it. Let's go to New York. I'm ready."

Elena grinned. "I knew you'd eventually say yes! Ohmygod, I'm so excited. We'll have to tell the producers tomorrow at work. I can't wait to see what kind of traumatic accident they will invent for our characters. Oh, and I'll email Alan, the director of the play. He's going to be stoked. And we have to find a place to live!" She shrieked happily and the two of them did a little sisterly dance.

Penny didn't want to leave Sheldon behind, but it was time to think about her future. Time to move on. Time to write the next chapter of her life. Even if she had to do it kicking and screaming.

*****

Sheldon saw the email the second it appeared in his inbox. But he didn't read it. He was at work and had so many things to attend to that keeping Penny off his mind wasn't even that hard. Leonard took the day off, which Sheldon was eternally grateful for—he'd have to face him again eventually, probably even when he got home, but he needed the few hours of solitude that work would bring. Word had traveled around the department that Sheldon was definitely getting the Nobel Prize, and people were congratulating him all day. He didn't check his email again until nearly midnight, when the buzz of the day subsided and he was alone with his thoughts.

He read it. And he read it again. And one more time for good measure. And he hit "reply" and thought of a dozen different things to say. That he missed her. That he couldn't bear to think of a future without her. That he loved her, too, even if he had no idea what love really was, even though he never truly knew what it meant until he found it on her lips. It was all true, but he couldn't say that. It just wasn't right. Some things were just better left unsaid.

Sheldon took a few moments to ponder what he should do next. He opened another tab and typed with a purpose. He booked a flight to Texas leaving at 7:00 the next morning, which cost more than he anticipated since it was so last minute.

He closed his computer and went to bed, although, predictably, he didn't get much sleep. While waiting for the cab to take him to the airport, he tore out a piece of paper from one of his many notebooks and scratched out a note to Leonard. He doubted Leonard cared about his whereabouts anyway, but he figured he should explain his absence.

_Leonard – I'm going out of town for a few days. I thought it best to give you some space and clear your head, just as I'm going to do. I'm sorry about all this. Maybe someday we can talk about it like adults. While it may be difficult to accept that I have emotions and romantic notions just like everyone else, I do. I hope you'll give me a chance to voice my dilemma when I get back, but if you don't, I'll understand._

Sheldon thought about emailing Amy, but he could deal with her later. He knew she went over to Penny's and demanded an explanation, and Penny probably explained it much better than he ever could.

Two and a half hours later, Sheldon sat in his seat on the plane, contemplating the experiences that led him to this moment. Penny's lips. Her curvaceous body. Her breath on his neck. The weight of her on top of him, the warmth and the lust. Her laugh, her smile, her voice. Their long talks, her unwavering faith in his knowledge, her ambition to be the biggest and best actress in the world. He was in love with her. He wanted to be with her. But that wasn't realistic and it never was. They were just too different, and there were too many other factors. What they'd done together wasn't black and white; it wasn't absolute. They were wrong for letting the affair get so out of hand, but they weren't wrong for following their hearts. In Leonard's eyes, Sheldon and Penny were bad people. But Sheldon didn't feel bad. Maybe it was because he finally took a chance and colored outside the lines for once in his life. Penny was worth it.

But while he looked out the window at the diamond-shaped landscapes on the ground, he knew it was over. So he closed his eyes and pondered a world without Penny. Now they'd only be together in their dreams.

*****

 **A/N - Two more chapters left! Thanks for reading :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N - First and foremost, thank you all for your patience. I didn't intend to take so long between chapters, but it is what it is. Thank you for hanging in there and thank you for reading, it means so much to me. This is another super-sized chapter to make up for the long absences.**

**Another huge thank you goes to my beta Sam/Alittlebitwicked, who gave me some amazing ideas and thoughts for this chapter. Her research into NYC apartments was invaluable. Thank youuuuuu.**

When Sheldon was seven years old, he found himself in the middle of an intense summer tornado in Saragosa, a small town in West Texas. The family was visiting Grammie and Grandpa, Sheldon's grandparents on his father's side. Everyone was in the kitchen, making fried chicken for dinner and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Sheldon wanted to go hide somewhere and read the science fiction novel he'd been devouring, but Mary said he had to spend time with the family. She didn't know what to do with such an intelligent son, but on vacation she was going to treat him just like her other children, even if she had to drag him kicking and screaming.

Everyone was watching the news on the black and white TV in the kitchen, all with a noticeable look of worry. Tornados were being predicted, and outside the sky was as black as night, even though it was only 2:15 in the afternoon.

"Are we going to have to hide underground?" Missy asked her mother, who was washing the dishes.

"I don't know, baby, maybe," Mary said. That's when they heard the tornado siren and all hell broke loose.

Mary rushed the kids into the underground shelter while her husband George helped bring Grammie and Grandpa, who didn't get around as well as they used to. Almost 30 years later, Sheldon still remembers the sound of the chaos of the sirens and the storm. It was the most ungodly noise he'd ever heard. Like a freight train roaring through invisible tracks in the sky. It haunted him to this day; almost once a month he'd wake up to a nightmare where a tornado was tearing through his life, causing death and destruction in its path. Grammie and Grandpa's house was spared, but just a mile down the road, almost a thousand people ended up losing their homes.

The sound Mary Cooper made when Sheldon reluctantly told her about his affair with Penny was nearly identical to sound of the tornado.

"YOU DID WHAT?" She practically screamed at her son. They were sitting at the kitchen table in Galveston on a hot summer day in August. Sheldon obviously hadn't planned on telling Mary about what happened, but he found himself blurting it all out anyway. He needed to confess; to cleanse his soul. And his mother was the only person in his life, aside from Penny and Meemaw (who was off somewhere doing water aerobics or something), that he could really talk to and trust.

Sheldon didn't even flinch. He was used to his mother's booming voice, although her wrath was usually directed towards Missy or George since Sheldon seldom caused her any trouble.

"Must I repeat myself?"

"Yes, Sheldon Lee Cooper, you _must_ repeat yourself! This time, say it louder so God can hear you."

Sheldon neglected to state that God must have already known about his indiscretions and probably didn't need to hear the list again, but now was not the time.

He sighed. "Fine, if you insist. I had coitus. With Amy, whom I am-well, was-in a relationship with, and with Penny, who is-well, was-in a relationship with Leonard. And now everyone is mad at me and I'm not even sure if I'm even welcome in my own apartment right now."

"I can't believe it. You're telling me right now and I still can't believe it. I raised you better than this, Sheldon. What were you thinking?"

Sheldon shook his head. He couldn't answer that question because he didn't actually know the answer. The entire time he involved himself in coitus with Amy and Penny, he ignored the loud nagging in his head that kept reminding him that this was all wrong. He might not consider himself a Christian and he might not have ever taken church seriously, but regardless, that was how he was brought up. It was ingrained in him. But at the same time, it wasn't like he ever promised to remain a virgin until marriage-he simply never thought the opportunity would come up. And he was so intrigued and fascinated by the notion of a physical relationship, he didn't stop to think about why it was wrong. Why he might not be mentally prepared to take on such a thing. Why he was even doing it in the first place. Maybe the affair was about rebellion. Or maybe he'd been so focused on scientific matters his whole life that morals and values and beliefs were thrown out the window the minute Penny kissed him for the first time.

Sheldon had all these thoughts in the space of seconds while he sat at his mother's kitchen table in Texas. There was so much to think about, and he was doing it after the fact. He wanted to go back. He wanted to change everything. But that wasn't possible.

Before Sheldon could question his entire existence, Mary said, "You know, I like that Penny. She has a good head on her shoulders and she's a nice girl. But I'm sure it was this was all her idea. What I don't know is why you went along with it."

"It wasn't her idea," Sheldon muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"It wasn't her idea! I came to her for advice on how to advance my relationship with Amy, and it progressed rapidly. And it got out of hand and I deeply regret my actions."

"Well, you should, Sheldon. Sex before marriage is a sin. Not just a tiny little sin. A BIG ONE! And I am disappointed in you. Your sister and brother, well, I expect something like this from them. You, however, are different. And my heart is broken."

"Mother, I know you're angry with me. I am angry with myself. But please, I already feel bad enough; must you also yell so loudly?"

Mary was relentless.

"Why do you feel bad, Sheldon? Did you think any of this was going to end well? Did you think eventually you were going to be able to forgive yourself? Get yourself out of the mess you're in? Because there's no turning back now."

Sheldon cringed. This is why he came here. He needed the brutal truth. He needed to face the facts.

"I feel bad because Leonard is so angry with me. Amy won't talk to me. Penny is apparently moving to New York City to get away from me. I fell in love with her and now she's leaving, and I hurt Amy and I've never hurt a female so deeply before, and I shouldn't have even tried to have an adult relationship. My life is physics. Proving things. Discovering things. Learning things. That is what my life is about and I shouldn't have thought anything different."

Mary's face finally relaxed and Sheldon exhaled.

"Oh, Shelly. You were never any good at this romance stuff. Your father and I should have prepared you better but you always had more important things to worry about."

Sheldon nodded. "I don't know why I thought I could maintain not one, but two relationships simultaneously. I should have known better."

Mary couldn't help it-she chuckled. Sheldon frowned at his mother laughing at his pain.

"Oh, I'm sorry, baby, but you have to admit it's kind of funny. Obviously you're going to have to pray for forgiveness, but I think God has a sense of humor. My little boy goes from never kissing anyone and then suddenly has two girlfriends at the same time. What a little troublemaker I've raised. My goodness."

Sheldon was not amused. "Mother. Instead of mocking me...can you please help me? I don't know what to do."

Mary put her hand on his. "What do you want to do, Shelly? Let's start with that."

"I want to go home and work and forget all this happened."

"You can't do that. Sheldon, look at me."

Sheldon reluctantly looked at his mother.

"You can't ignore this. You can't pretend it didn't happen. What do you want to do?"

"I want Penny," he said quietly. "I want to start over. I want to court her and bring her flowers and have a real relationship with her. That's what I want."

Mary sighed and shook her head. "Oh, honey, that's not going to work. Too much has happened. Too many bridges have been burned. You just said she was moving to New York. I'm sure it's for her career, and you don't want to stop her from doing that, do you?"

"No. It's important to her."

"Of course it is. Maybe...maybe you should talk to Amy."

"Mother, she hates me. And I don't blame her. And I don't-I don't love her. Isn't that important? I know I don't know much about the human condition, but according to my friends and popular music and every television show I watch, love is the most important thing. It conquers all. Shouldn't that be what I want?"

"I'm not saying propose to the girl, Shelly. Talk to her. I know your work is the most important thing to you right now. A nice girl like Amy won't interfere with that. She has her own work to do. The two of you can work and write your articles and win your prizes and maybe someday the love will happen on its own. Penny may be the woman you want to be with, but you messed up, honey. You have to do the right thing now."

That was almost exactly the same advice Raj had given him at the wedding. Sheldon knew it made sense, but it rubbed him the wrong way. Why did he have to settle for something else when he knew what he wanted?

"But, mother..."

Mary put a finger on his lip, something she used to do to shut him up as a child.

"Penny is leaving California behind because she knows she messed this up just as badly as you did. She's taking responsibility. Now you don't have to call Amy, but let me ask you something: when you get up to accept that Nobel Prize of yours, who is going to be in the audience to watch you receive it? Besides me."

Sheldon didn't say anything. He understood what his mother was saying. Penny had her own life and she was going to New York to live it. But he had to stay behind and deal with the hand life had dealt him. He did care for Amy and she would be a good partner for his life goals. It was a simple decision. It's just not the one he wanted to make.

*****

 _One month later_

"I think we should call a truce. No longer will we fight over the same man. We're better than him, that self-righteous bastard. We both dump him. We start over. We move on. What do you think?"

"I think that's the best idea you've ever had. It'll be nice to start over, won't it?"

The two women smiled at each other, hiding years of secrets and pain and betrayal.

April was the first to take a sip of wine. Angie chuckled "I hope you like the glass of wine. It'll be your last."

April did not look surprised. "Well, in that case, I hope you liked your steak. It was...well done."

And then the two women keeled over, fell out of their chairs onto the cold, hard floor, and died. And that was the end of Penny's soap opera career.

Bernadette squealed. "Oh, wow! You went Hamlet on each other? On a soap opera? That is so much fun!"

"Isn't it? It was Elena's idea. Once we said we were leaving, the writers were totally over us anyway. They actually wanted us to go out like Thelma and Louise, but Elena pitched the Hamlet thing and they loved it. Of course that means we can't come back, but I think we're okay with that."

Raj took a swallow of wine and said, "That was truly inspired. I might even continue to watch even though you're gone. I have to see what happens to Hunter Hudson now! He's so dreamy."

Penny laughed. "I suspect he'll unleash his nasty breath on some other unsuspecting young actress with ample cleavage."

"Lucky bastard," Raj muttered.

The three of them were sitting on Penny's sofa, watching her last episode of Fire Lake. Penny had apparently won Raj and Bernadette in the custody battle of friends. Bernadette tried to reassure her by insisting that Howard was just busier than usual, but Penny knew Howard was choosing to stay loyal to Leonard. Although Penny had ultimately grown somewhat fond of Howard, she wasn't all that torn up about it.

Penny got up and walked to the kitchen to get another bottle of wine out of the refrigerator. Not that she needed it, but it was kind of a special occasion.

She surveyed her beloved apartment from the kitchen. Almost everything was in boxes. Bernadette and Raj had come over earlier to help her pack. She was moving in less than a week. In some ways she accomplished the dream she had when she came to California—become an actress and find romance. The actress part finally happened. The romance did, too, just not the way she'd hoped. Penny decided to make a promise to herself. In New York, she'd only focus on her career. If the romance happened, so be it. But she wasn't going to pursue it. No, that never ended well for her.

While she poured herself and Bernadette another glass, Raj came up and said, "One more glass, please." He shoved his bottle over to her and she looked at him curiously.

"Don't you have to drive home, buddy?"

Raj sighed. "Oh, please, can I stay here tonight? I promise I'll stay on the couch, you won't even notice I'm here."

"Why? Is he driving you crazy again?"

"He read one of Stephen Hawking's books and he won't shut up about M Theory. I swear, it's the only thing he ever talks about anymore. Well, that and the Nobel Prize. I don't know how Leonard did it, I really don't."

"Very carefully," Penny muttered.

Sheldon had been living with Raj for the past month. At some point, he and Leonard would have to talk things over and figure out what to do about their living arrangement, but that time hadn't come yet. One of the things Penny felt the worst about was destroying Leonard and Sheldon's friendship. It hadn't been perfect but they had an arrangement that worked for them, for the most part. And now they weren't even speaking. Their affair had taken a toll on everyone. They'd all be dealing with the fallout for a long, long time.

"You can stay. Bernadette is staying, too. It can be like a slumber party."

Raj smiled and nodded happily. "My first boy-girl slumber party! How exciting."

"Don't get too excited...if you fall asleep first, we won't be afraid to draw a penis on your face."

"Or a face on your penis," Bernadette drunkenly added.

Raj's smile disappeared and he took a huge sip of wine.

They all settled back onto the sofa and watched the movie Bernadette rented, Keeping the Faith. Penny thought she'd find Ed Norton and Ben Stiller to be a welcome distraction to all the crap going on inside her head, but she found herself identifying with the movie way more than expected.

Penny figured they all knew she was eventually going to ask the question, so when she did, it was actually a relief.

"Raj, does Sheldon ever…does he ever talk about me?

"Talk about you? No, he doesn't." Raj didn't mince words.

"Oh. Well. Good, that's good. He's moving on. He should move on. You know. It's healthy. That's great. How's Amy doing?"

Penny hadn't talked to her former friend at all since Amy had marched out the door of her apartment. She was always tempted to write her an email or even call her, but that was one friendship she didn't think was resilient enough to bounce back. And Penny felt bad about that, but she had plenty of other things to focus on-like her life that was waiting for her in New York. And the man she missed with the entirety of her soul.

Raj and Bernadette shared a look that made Penny question her entire existence.

"What? What is that? Come on, what's going on?"

Bernadette sighed. "I'll tell her, Raj. Penny, Amy and Sheldon are kind of…back together. They had a long talk when he came back from Texas. She didn't want to accept his apology but somehow he convinced her. They've been spending a lot of time with each other, actually. More than he ever did before. They're talking about moving in together. It's kind of a thing."

Penny had never been so surprised and heartbroken and confused and angry in her entire life. This is what happens when you mess with fate. This is what happens when what goes around, comes around. She had broken Leonard's heart and now her heart was breaking. But it was going to be okay…she would stay strong. She wouldn't crumble. Things had changed. She was moving. Moving out, moving on. It was time to accept responsibility for messing up her life and deal with the consequences.

"Oh. How lovely. That's nice for them, I suppose."

"Penny…"

"No, it's fine. Really, I'm good. Let's watch the rest of the movie, okay?"

Raj and Bernadette knew Penny was not fine, but they didn't call her out on it and she was grateful.

But soon her attention drifted from the movie and she started obsessing again. It was devastating, really. How could he go back to her? How could Amy take him back? Why couldn't she forgive Penny when she forgave Sheldon so quickly? Penny didn't understand. _Couldn't_ understand.

After Raj had fallen asleep curled up in a chair and Bernadette passed out on the bed, Penny contemplated what her next step should be. Fueled by her heartbreak and an entire bottle of wine, she opened the door and crossed the hall with a sense of purpose. Penny knocked on the door and waited.

Eventually Leonard came to the door in his bathrobe and ruffled hair.

He took a look at her and shook his head. "He's not here. It's 3 AM. Go to bed."

"I know he's not. I came to talk to you."

"Oh, lucky me! No thanks. I have nothing to say."

Penny was indignant and determined. And still a little drunk.

"Well, I have a few things to say. Can I please come in? Just for a few minutes."

Leonard was quiet for a moment. She didn't know what he was thinking about. It was unnerving.

"Is this really necessary? I'm trying—do we really need to do this?"

"I'm moving to New York City in three days, Leonard. I just want to get a few things off my chest. Then I promise, you will never have to hear from me again."

Leonard sighed and looked defeated. Maybe it was wrong to think, but she knew he'd always have a tiny bit of a weakness for her. She wasn't trying to exploit that. All she wanted to do was talk.

"Okay. Ten minutes. I'm serious, Penny."

Penny followed him inside. Leonard sat at his computer desk. She pulled up a chair from Sheldon's desk and sat next to him. It took her a few minutes to compose herself and to think of what she really wanted to say. Maybe Leonard was too tired to speak, or maybe he just didn't care, but he sat quietly and waited for her to talk.

"I'm sorry."

Leonard didn't respond. She didn't expect him to, but a little acknowledgement might have been nice.

"There are many things I'm sorry for, but I'm mostly sorry that I hurt you. I was selfish and impulsive and everything I did was wrong. I don't have any excuses. No good ones, anyway. I am sorry, and I will always be sorry for the way I handled this."

Leonard nodded but didn't look impressed.

"If that's all you got, you could have saved yourself a trip."

"A trip? I live like four inches away, Leonard." She waited for him to correct her; tell her exactly how many inches away they lived from each other, but he was quiet. He wasn't going to make this easy for her.

"The truth is, I don't have much more than that. I'm just sorry. I'm sorry we couldn't work it out. It would have been a good story, wouldn't it? We were star-crossed neighbors who finally made it work. I never intended for it to end this way. You're a good man, and I ruined everything. I'm sorry."

"It's…none of that really means anything to me, Penny. I appreciate that you're sorry, and I know you feel bad. But I doubt you could ever feel as bad about it as I do. I thought you were the one. I told Sheldon within five minutes of meeting you that we were going to have beautiful and smart babies. I wanted to grow old with you. I wanted to have grandchildren with you. And you never wanted that. With me, anyway. You know, for the most part I was pretty sure it would never happen. But I clung to the part of you that maybe seemed like it could."

Penny didn't know what to say. None of this was news to her, really, although the grandchildren part was new. But it still broke her heart just a little bit more. It really was over. But what he said next surprised her. In a good way.

"But for what it's worth…I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for what I said that night. Things got out of hand and I said things I regret. I never thought you were a whore. I've always respected the side of you that was so outgoing and happy and friendly. I've never been that way, and it made me feel insecure. That was a big problem in our relationship and I hope I'm capable of finding out why I'm like that and fixing it before the next woman comes along."

Penny smiled and rose from Sheldon's computer. She sat on Leonard's desk and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He pretended like it annoyed him but he was smiling just a little bit.

"I'm sure that will be very, very soon," she said. "You're a catch, Leonard Hofstadter."

"That's what they tell me," he said sadly. "Hey, good luck in New York. It's going to be weird having someone else live across the hall."

"I know. But I have to do it. Not just for my career, but…well, you know."

Leonard nodded grimly. "I do."

They both got up and they walked to her door. Penny gave him another kiss on the cheek, which he returned.

Before she went in, she grabbed the sleeve of his bathrobe.

"Leonard…give him a break. He just got so caught up in everything—it wasn't entirely his fault. Just talk to him, okay? As a parting gift for me?"

"I'll think about it," he said. Penny knew she wasn't going to get anything else out of him. So she gave him one last smile and disappeared into her apartment. It was going to be a long, long time before she ever saw Leonard again, and that was much sadder than she realized.

*****

 _Six months later_

It was a moment of weakness. Everyone was allowed to have a few. He'd been so good for so long and now he was having a moment of weakness.

Sheldon stared at the email he was writing. Amy was asleep in his bed but he wasn't tired. Too much on his mind. Maybe sending the email would give him closure. Maybe it would only make things worse.

_March 19th, 2012_

_3:19 AM_

_To: Pennyblossom_

_From: DrSheldonCooper_

_Subject: Garth Brooks_

**When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love**

**When evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love**

**I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong**

**I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love**

**The storms are raging on the rollin' sea  
And on the highway of regret  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free  
You ain't seen nothing like me yet**

**I could make you happy, make your dreams come true  
Nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends of the earth for you  
To make you feel my love**

_Penny – Excuse me for quoting this song that actually I have always found quite trite; however, it seems to accurately describe my mind set this evening._

_Just for the record…I haven't seen you in seven months, thirteen days, 11 hours._

_And something has come over me tonight; something I don't know how to define. I shouldn't write this email to you…I shouldn't even be thinking about you. But I've been pondering it, and I've decided that even if man was capable of creating a device that wiped the subconscious free of any unwanted, painful memories (like in that strange and implausible movie you made me watch so many years ago), I wouldn't want to partake in the experience. Because when all is said and done, I wouldn't want to forget you and the way you made me feel._

_I suppose the main reason I'm writing this email is because today I was informed that I have, in fact, won the Nobel Prize for physics. I received a phone call a few hours ago. Tomorrow I'll be doing interviews all day. The ceremony is in a few months in Sweden. In Alfred Nobel's will, he said the Nobel Prize for physics should be awarded to "the person who shall have made the most important discovery or invention within the field of physics". This year, that person is me. I've waited for this since I was four years old. I've practiced my speech in front of the mirror hundreds of times. And I'm so disappointed that you aren't here to share it with me. I suppose that is my fault. And I will always regret that._

_On a different subject entirely, I'm sorry I did not answer your email or try to contact you so many months ago. But please rest assured, I think about you much more than I'm comfortable with. See, I'm ending sentences in prepositions; that's how distracted I am by your absence. I didn't answer it at the time because I had no idea what to say. How to express myself. And looking back on it, what would it have accomplished, anyway? We had to move on. It didn't—doesn't—matter how I felt because we did this all wrong. If we wanted to be together, we should have done it the hard way. I regret that. More than you will ever know. I never got to tell you that I loved you; I never really had the chance. But I think we both know I do. I'm sorry I'm writing this in an email and not saying it to your face. You deserve more._

_Well, I've taken enough of your time. I just wanted to say that I hope you're doing well in New York and it's everything you want it to be. Everything you deserve. I hope to make it to one of your plays someday._

_Love, Sheldon Lee Cooper_

"Sheldon? What are you doing out there? Come back to bed, my big Nobel winning stud!" Amy's husky voice summoned him from the bedroom. Most of the time he enjoyed being with Amy again; he was grateful she forgave him and they were able to get their relationship back on track. But tonight he only wanted to hear one voice…but it was too far away and always would be.

"Yes, dear," he said. He glanced at his email again. There was something missing.

_PS – You said that you loved how I knew every word of every song at the concert. During this particular song, you had your eyes closed and your head down and you gripped my hand so tight, I thought it would fall off. Sometimes I play this song and think of that moment. I just thought you should know._

That was it. That was what he wanted to say. He knew he shouldn't send it. It was fine and good to write something like this and then delete it. He didn't need to send it out into the universe. Hadn't he learned anything from the affair? Not to mention what Penny would think. How it would make her feel. It was better to delete it and leave well enough alone. But then…Penny wouldn't know. She wouldn't know he was thinking about her. Somehow Sheldon managed to convince himself that she deserved to know.

So he closed his eyes, took a breath, and pressed send.

It was Spring in New York City and Penny was in love.

She was in love with the weather and the trees and the blooming flowers and wearing sweaters and boots and all the things she couldn't get away with in Southern California. Actual seasons, how refreshing!

She was in love with her career. The play was so much different from the soap opera. She felt like she was actually _acting_. On the streets, she'd get recognized from both the soap opera and the play and it made her feel like she was on top of the world. Sometimes she'd even get her own paparazzi. Obviously she was still weary of them since the "Incident", but she was also excited about her new burst of fame. Hopefully this was just the beginning.

She was in love with the apartment she shared with Elena. When she first thought about moving to New York, she imagined some shitty, broken down, roach infested place in Brooklyn, but Elena had a different plan. Her aunt, a former soap opera actress herself, had married some rich old man from Spain and didn't want to sell her apartment in this disaster of a real estate market. So she was letting Elena and Penny stay there for a year or two while they got on their feet. It was a brownstone that had an amazing view of Central Park and Penny had no idea how they got so lucky. Millions of people would literally kill to live in a place like this. And here she was, a hick from Nebraska, and she was living in the big city, making plays and living her dream.

Penny was walking home from the American Natural History Museum, which was three blocks from the apartment. She had a warm cup of coffee in her hand and a glow to her cheeks. As she came up to her block, she couldn't stop smiling. This really was her life.

Inside the apartment, she set her keys on the bronze table by the door and took a look at the weird and fabulous place she called home. The décor was a mix of Penny, Elena, and Elena's aunts tastes, so it didn't exactly match, but somehow it was just perfect. The walls were red in most of the rooms, but black in the kitchen and in Elena's room. There was a window seat, deep purple and incredibly comfortable, in the living room that Penny loved to lounge on and look out the window and contemplate her amazing life.

The rest of the apartment was a sight to behold. Penny always got a kick out of Elena's bedroom. The black walls were just the beginning. Elena had a four-poster bed with a metallic gray comforter and blood red drapes. She had a desk in the corner, a bookshelf filled with Ray Bradbury and Stephen King and some odd romance novels thrown in for variety. She had a light encased in a black shell that hung from the ceiling, and a black rug on the hardwood floor. It was Elena's sanctuary, and when she wasn't at the theater or on a date, she was in her room, writing or listening the Violent Femmes or Madonna (Elena's fashion and everything else icon). Elena didn't have a TV. After leaving Fire Lake, she didn't want anything to do with TV, even owning one.

The hallway of the apartment was painted a deep red and had framed pictures lining it. Some were personal pictures of Penny and Elena, but mostly they were cheap prints they bought at flea markets or wherever else they could obtain art for a good deal. They weren't exactly raking in the dough yet, so they couldn't afford anything as nice as they'd like.

Penny's bedroom was her haven. She had fairy lights hanging from the ceiling, which made everything twinkle. She pined after the bed Elena had, but meanwhile her bed was perfectly efficient. The frame was dark brown and low to the ground, and her comforter was dark blue and soft and warm and she loved it. She also had a desk, which she was currently using to write her own play. It was hard; she wasn't a natural writer, but she had so many ideas she wanted to put out into the world. To satisfy her inner teenager, she had a Hello Kitty lamp that Elena like to endlessly make fun of but Penny loved it so it stayed.

She had an oak dresser next to her bed and in front of the bed, a small flat screen TV that she hardly ever turned on. Her DVDs were on a shelf under the TV, but they were mostly neglected. Sometimes she'd have an urge to break out the Star Trek season one DVDs that Leonard gave her for Christmas once, but that would just bring up too many memories and she was trying as hard as she could to mentally stay in the present.

Penny threw away her coffee and poured herself a glass of wine. It had been a long day and tomorrow was going to be even longer. She settled into one of the overstuffed purple love seats in the living room and drank her wine slowly. And finally, after she had taken a few minutes to enjoy the stillness of the empty apartment, did she think about his email.

For the most part, Penny had put the affair and any lingering thoughts of Sheldon behind her. She was actually getting some therapy now and her counselor was helping her put the whole thing in perspective. But sometimes, when the sun was shining on her bed a certain way or the wind blew the trees in a certain way; her thoughts would drift back to him. Sheldon's lips. Sheldon's hands. Sheldon's moan when she slightly nipped his collarbone. The way he felt on top of her. His desire for her; the way he explored her body like he was studying it for science. The way she could talk to him at the end of a long day and felt like, even though he might not share her feelings or understand what she was going through, that he got her. Like he was the only one who did. Oh, she did miss him. But that was another lifetime ago. She was embracing the present and it was working for her.

Penny pulled up the email on her phone. When she woke up this morning, she'd knocked on Elena's door and went into the kitchen to get some coffee. Elena soon joined her. They chatted about the play and Elena's date the night before (which obviously hadn't gone as Elena planned because she woke up alone) and whether Penny should ask out Doug Jackson, the assistant producer of the play. He was giving her major vibes, but Penny was really trying to stay single for a while. Focus on herself and her career. Work on getting rid of her baggage.

After her two obligatory cups of coffee, Elena ran out to buy the two of them some bagels. Penny checked her email on her phone. And her heart literally stopped beating (okay, maybe not literally) when she saw Sheldon's email. Because no matter how much therapy she received and how hard she was working to establish herself for the present and forget the past, she still hoped every single day that she'd hear from Sheldon. Every day she'd wish for an email from him and every day she was disappointed. She almost thought she was seeing things until she put her glasses on and looked again. Nope, there it was. Sheldon had finally emailed her.

And it was a beautiful email. And she wanted to run back to California and throw her arms around him and kiss him with more passion than either of them had ever experienced. But it also annoyed her. Frustrated her. Pissed her off. Penny had spoken to Bernadette last week, and Bernadette reluctantly admitted that Sheldon and Amy had moved in together and Amy was constantly talking about getting married. How could he write her this email? How could he still have those feelings for her? Was he trying to screw everything up again? Ugh, he was so infuriating sometimes!

Elena returned with the bagels and gave Penny her usual onion bagel with garlic cream cheese. Good thing Penny wasn't intending to make out with anyone in her near future.

"What's wrong, Penny? You look like you've seen the ghost of Christmas past. He isn't here now, is he? I am not dressed appropriately to see a ghost today."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Oh, nothing. Just an email from Sheldon, that's all."

Elena gasped. "Let me see. Let me see it right now. What an idiot."

Penny showed her the phone. A few months ago she wouldn't have even told Elena about the email, but they were together practically 24/7 now. They lived together, worked together, laughed together. They were legitimately best friends. And not the kind that Amy coveted so badly, but the kind of friendship that would last forever. They didn't have any secrets. It was one of the most rewarding relationships Penny had ever had.

"Wow. That kid's got balls, I'll say that for him. I can't believe he wrote this. He got a fucking Nobel Prize? Jesus, Penny. I don't even know what to say. Are you going to answer it?"

"No. I learned my lesson. He might not care about causing trouble but I do."

Elena nodded. "Good plan. I admire your restraint."

"Thanks. It's not easy."

And it wasn't. Somehow she managed to hardly think about it at all during the day. She was so busy; it was easy to focus on everything else. But now it was the end of the day and it was quiet and she missed him so much that she could barely breathe. She would not answer it. Nothing good would come from answering it.

Penny went to her room, brushed her teeth and took off her make-up, and collapsed in bed. It was only 9:30, but she was so very tired. She drifted to sleep, determined to ignore Sheldon's email just like he ignored hers.

But she sprung out of bed at 2:37 AM and bounced over to her desk. She turned on her laptop and opened her mail. She stared at Sheldon's email for a long, long time. And finally, Penny started typing.

_Sheldon- Congratulations on the Nobel Prize! That is absolutely amazing, but we all had faith in you from the beginning. What an amazing thing to achieve at such a young age. School children are going to be reading about you in their textbooks someday. Little boys and girls will aspire to be just like you. You have definitely left a mark on this world._

_Thank you for your kind words. That particular Garth song has been my favorite for a long, long time. It means a lot to me that you would think of me when you hear it. I think of you during really random times of the day. Sometimes it makes me happy. Sometimes it doesn't._

_That being said, I have to admit I don't understand the intention of your email. Maybe I do have some of the same feelings that you described, but what's the point of acknowledging them? I know you're with Amy. You know I'm in New York, trying to make something out of nothing._

_Sheldon, I know you like brevity so I'll get right to the point. As hard as I've tried to deny it, I am still in love with you. I have been for a long time. I don't even know how long. And even though I try to convince myself I don't want to be with you again, the fact is, if you showed up in New York with roses tied with ribbon, I'd welcome you back into my arms. But until that moment; until you find the balls to break up with Amy, until you can commit to being with me with no distractions or obstacles, I'd like it if you didn't email me again. It's too hard. I feel like I've made so much progress and a few words from you can so easily fuck it all up._

_I genuinely hope that you're happy and healthy. I wish nothing but the best for you. If you're committed to Amy, I hope you two can make it work. I'm rooting for you—after overcoming so much drama, you guys deserve to be happy together._

_Congrats again on the Nobel Prize. You are the smartest man I know, even if you aren't the most courageous._

_Sincerely…Penny._

She pressed send, held her face in her hands and cried for 20 minutes, and then went back to sleep. It was over. Truly over. And nothing would ever be the same.


	15. Chapter 15

Time passes.

People come and go out of each other's lives and it's not always black and white. There are reasons for absences; for unequal participation in the merry-go-round of existence.

Maybe it's destiny. Some are destined to win huge awards they spend their entire lives working toward. Some will go down in history books as the much needed change to shake up the world of physics forever. Boys and girls will read about him at school and aspire to achieve even half as much as he did. They will never know how much his love of science and physics cost him over the years, and how sometimes he wishes he had those years back. If he did, maybe he wouldn't have been in a rush to experience all the things he missed. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe when he first met her in the hallway with his roommate, he would have been better prepared to deal with the feelings she caused him to have so abruptly.

And some are destined for a life of fame and creativity and adulation. Some are so busy taking singing, dancing and acting lessons that they barely even have time to apply their chosen craft, much less appreciate and hone it. Boys and girls also admire her, just in a different way. They want the stage to become a part of them. They see how easy she makes it look and they want to have just a shred of her talent. What they don't know is how hard she works for it. And it doesn't exactly come naturally.

Now, Penny and Sheldon's story was not yet complete. They had crossed paths at an important time in their lives, but fate had decided they were both meant for bigger and better things—at least at the time.

Penny wanted to act. Sing. Be adored. It was what she wanted as a little girl playing baseball in the backyard with her dad and brother in Nebraska, and it's what she wants now. She lives and dies by the reviews of her shows in the paper. Some are good. Some are bad. Regardless, her star is rising. People are talking about her. Asking for her. Things are happening and she's never been happier (and busier) in her entire life.

After winning the Nobel Prize, Sheldon is the toast of the scientific community. He dusted off his black suit and is making the rounds on every TV show and radio show and blog and podcast that want him. He took a sabbatical from Cal Tech to focus on being the face of physics, kind of like how Neil DeGrasse Tyson is the face of astrophysics. It's not something Sheldon ever expected or even wanted, but things changed. He changed. Plus, he and Leonard need some distance for a while, and this arrangement is the best thing that could happen to their friendship. Whatever they can manage to salvage of it, anyway.

They both have so much going on in their lives, but the passion Sheldon and Penny shared was not easily forgotten. Penny has a tendency to think about him only when she's lonely, and sometimes when she's horny. She promised herself New York was going to be about her career and not eligible (or ineligible, as her past indicated) men, and so far she has kept that promise. But when a long day of productivity is over and she's back in the big Manhattan apartment overlooking Central Park and she's alone and sad and nostalgic, she'll think about Sheldon coming to her for advice on how to take things further with Amy. ("I want you to teach me how to kiss…" She'll never forget the look in his eye when he sheepishly asked her to do this one "simple" favor.) How nervous and inexperienced he was that day. How feelings that had been left undiscovered for years suddenly surfaced and took them by surprise. How it changed them both in strange and significant ways.

Sheldon thinks of Penny randomly most of the time. Songs on the radio (hearing Garth Brooks anywhere would practically render him catatonic), TV shows they both enjoyed, the call of the cicadas in the dead of summer. And it always seems to hit him when he least expects it. The sensation of thinking about Penny throws him off; leaves him out of sorts for hours or sometimes even days. It's unsettling.

So they miss each other, sure. That's the easy part. The hard part is moving on and forgiving themselves for what transpired. Maybe that would never happen. Sometimes they're both afraid that it _will_ happen, because then it will truly be over and exist only as a memory.

It is yet to be determined whether they will ever find their way back to each other. Most people will agree it isn't meant to be. But something in the way the stars compose a symphony in the sky, and the way the sun rises in the morning with its own story to tell…it all seems to indicate unfinished business. What they had between them is too important to just fade away. They aren't ready for that. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Someday the magnet that was strong enough to bring them together in the first place despite the obstacles (of which there were many) will be too powerful to ignore. It's just a matter of who it will break first, and when.

*****

 _A year and a half later…_

Penny peeked behind the curtain only to view a sea of empty seats. It was still early, though. And she was expecting at least a handful more people than the night before. Last night, there had been about 30 people in the audience, and almost half of them consisted of the crew's friends and family. Maybe it was just in Penny's head, but they all looked skeptical before the play started. And they all had their phones out and were probably texting and playing Bejeweled or something. At least she had their attention during the play. That was all she could ask for, really.

Penny knew she had to prove herself and all she wanted was the chance to do that. This was the first play she wrote and produced (with Elena, of course) and she needed to make an impression. If nobody ever showed up at her off-Broadway show, she'd never have the word of mouth that was everything in New York City. Then she'd have to play second banana to younger, prettier actresses for the rest of her life. A few years from now, all she'd have were mom roles. Maybe she'd even have to go back to soap operas, god forbid. The play _had_ to do well. It just did.

"Penny. Penny! We have a situation," Penny's assistant, Claudia, came up from behind her and exclaimed.

"Oh, god, what is it now?" Penny was friggin' tired of everything going wrong. Maybe it was her bad karma.

"Don't panic, but William Rose is here. He's smoking and texting outside. I don't know why he's here so early. What do I do?"

Penny wanted to vomit. This was good and bad. Bad because it was unexpected. William was the theater reviewer for the New York Star and he was notorious for his bad reviews. It he didn't like a play, he really didn't like a play. The good news was, her little project was finally going to get some much-needed exposure. And if he liked it, the audience would come flocking.

"Okay. Okay. This is not a disaster. It's great, actually. We need this. Right? Ohmygod. Just tell everyone to be on their best behavior."

Claudia nodded and walked away to talk to the cast. Penny yelled, "Wait! Never mind. Don't tell them anything. They're professionals, they'll be fine." Claudia nodded again; used to Penny's scatterbrained-ness

There was two hours before the play and still so much to do. But for Penny, it was exhilarating. She worked so hard and so long and it seemed like every waking moment was devoted to…creating. That's how it had to be in the cutthroat theater world of New York City, and she thrived on it. This all felt like it what she was meant to do, and sometimes she'd catch herself wondering why she wasted so much time in Pasadena when she could have just been doing this the whole time. But she knew her experience in California happened for a reason. She wouldn't have the wisdom and maturity she had now if it wasn't for living across the hall from her two nerdy boys. Even Kurt helped her make it to this point. She was grateful to all her ex-boyfriends and lovers and friends for making her who and what she was today—stronger.

"Lookin' hot, Penny," said her stage manager, Charlie, as he walked by with his ever-present clipboard. She did look pretty good, she thought. Penny was wearing her favorite new addition to her wardrobe-this clingy, short blue dress that seemed to always receive stares of lust from the men and stares of admiration from the women. It was her lucky dress.

"Not so bad yourself, Chuck," she said, and winked. He laughed and kept walking. The two of them shared an interesting but harmless flirtation. Penny was tempted to take it further. Maybe when the play was over, she'd give it a shot. She couldn't stay single forever. And Charles was cute.

Penny walked backstage and smiled when she saw all her actors and crew taking their time getting ready, talking amongst themselves and just generally being everything she hoped they could be. For a small acting gig at a tiny theater in Queens, they were still all excited to be there. They were all trying to make a name for themselves, just as Penny was.

Penny found Elena carefully applying her make-up in front of a mirror.

"Hey. Don't shit your pants or anything, but William Rose is here."

Elena looked at her through the mirror. "You're not fucking with me right now, are you? Trying to make me nervous? Because that's totally something you would do."

"Of course not. Claudia just told me he was outside smoking."

Elena set down her tube of lipstick and turned around to face Penny.

"Well. That's a game-changer."

Penny nodded. "We've got this, though. Right? No sweat."

"Obviously. We're about to change everything. You're ready, aren't you, Stevie?"

"You know I am, Christina." The two of them grinned stupidly.

It was Penny's idea to do a play about the lives and music of Fleetwood Mac. It came out of a drunken night of reminiscing about the music her parents used to listen to with Elena and a couple of their theater friends. The concept had probably already been thought of or even done before, but that didn't stop them from writing the entire first act after consuming three bottles of wine.

Elena did most of the working trying to get it funded and all the other behind the scenes stuff while Penny wrote it and rewrote it and questioned herself a thousand times. Eventually the play was done. Her masterpiece. Penny called it Tusk, after her mother's all-time favorite song. Penny's parents had been present for opening night (after Penny begged them to come and eventually bought their plane tickets for them) and had loved it enthusiastically. Penny's mom told her later that her father even shed a tear. This almost meant more to her than any review the play could have gotten. Almost.

"Hey, I noticed Charles checking you out earlier," Elena said in between applying a great deal of blush to her cheeks. "Are you going to go out with him soon or what?"

"Maybe. He's cute and everything, but…"

"But what? Give me one good reason why you're not going to give the guy a chance."

"Well, for one thing—" Before Penny could get into her long list of reasons why, Claudia found her way back over and said, "Penny, that guy you told me to look out for? He's here."

"Yeah, I know, Claudia, you told me William Rose is here. Let him wait outside. If he wants to talk to me, he'll find a way." Penny was a bit annoyed that Claudia was still bugging her about this guy.

"No, Penny. That tall, handsome guy you told me about on that first night; the one you said that if he shows up, tell you immediately? Well, he's here. He's waiting in the lobby. What do you want me to tell him?" Claudia was starting to sound a little desperate; an emotion Penny could certainly empathize with after receiving this bit of news.

Of course, at that moment, all the clichés in the universe suddenly applied to the situation. Penny's heart stopped. Her blood ran cold. Butterflies in her stomach. She couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it.

Elena was the one to finally break the silence. "Thank you, Claudia. Please go tell the gentleman that Penny will be right there."

When Claudia was gone, Elena looked at Penny with bright eyes and said, "Well, I guess that's a good enough reason to not want to date Charlie. Now, Penelope…get your ass out there. You've waited for this and I'm getting tired of your moping around. He's practically shown up on a horse in a knight's armor."

"But…the play…" This was all Penny managed to say.

"There's a good hour and a half before it starts. I'll take care of everything. Go!"

Penny sat down in the chair next to Elena and sighed. Exhaled. Sighed again.

"Why is he here? In New York City? He would hate this town. It's way too dirty for him. I don't…I can't…"

"Penny. Look at me."

Penny looked at Elena.

"We don't know why he's here and we don't know what he wants. But what we both know is that you want to see him. You want it with the entirety of your heart. So go out there and see what Sheldon wants. Hurry."

Penny nodded, but didn't get out of her chair. She was frozen.

"I'm serious, Penny. Go. And don't march out there and have a fit, either. It's been a year and a half. You're calm, collected and successful and you don't hold any grudges."

Elena always knew what was going on in Penny's head, almost better than Penny herself. That's why they were such good partners and even better friends.

Elena suddenly jumped up and gave Penny a hug and quickly retreated back to her seat. Elena was as much of a hugger as Sheldon was, Penny learned a long time ago. So the gesture meant a lot to her.

"Just see what he has to say, Pen. He's here. He made the effort. Hear him out."

Penny nodded. Elena was the best motivator she could ask for, that was for sure. And she had to admit, she was curious to see what the hell Sheldon wanted. So Penny took a deep breath, exhaled, and went to the lobby to find Sheldon.

*****

He saw her the second she turned the corner. Time had passed and things had changed, but Penny still looked gorgeous. Vibrant. Exciting. Her long blonde hair cascaded past her shoulders. And she was wearing this blue…thing that left just enough to the imagination; enough to send Sheldon's mind into wildly inappropriate directions. He'd have to work on that. Penny was more than her looks. She was a woman with a brain, a heart, a soul and she was caring, intelligent (not as intelligent as him, of course, but few people were), independent and charming.

The distance between them felt like an eternity. Finally Penny appeared before him and smiled. He had missed the hell out of her smile.

"Sheldon. What a surprise." Probably against her better judgment, she stood on her tippy toes and kissed his cheek. Well, she still smelled good. And her lips were still so very soft.

"Penny. It is lovely to see you. I've read about your newest play. How courageous of you to write your own play and debut it in New York City. It seems that moving to the city has certainly agreed with you."

Penny blushed. It was adorable. She laughed somewhat uncomfortably and said, "Well, it's my baby. I've pretty much put everything I have—physically, financially, emotionally—into it. But enough about me. To what do I owe the pleasure of a rare visit from the one and only Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Nobel Prize winning physicist?"

Sheldon sensed her tone was more sarcastic than genuine, and this bothered him more than he cared to let on. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he didn't expect to be rebuffed so soon into the conversation.

"I came to bring you these," he said, and from behind his back he produced a dozen irises wrapped with a red ribbon. "In your email you said to bring roses, but I know irises are your favorite. I hope you won't count me out on a technicality."

Penny blinked. Sheldon knew it was probably too late to resurrect the feelings they shared so long ago, but he was at a point in his life where he was ready to take that chance. And he needed to see if she was in the same place. He had to know. He needed to know. Even if Penny wasn't in the same place.

"Sheldon, I…I… I don't know what to say."

He reached for her hand, which surprised her. But she didn't fight it.

"Can we…can we go somewhere? To talk?"

Penny looked truly confused. He didn't blame her.

"Sheldon, I'm kind of busy right now…maybe we can catch up tomorrow or something. When is your flight? I'll try to get in touch so we can chat for a few minutes before then. Maybe coffee?"

He had to admit, her attempt to blow him off even before hearing him out stung quite a bit. But he deserved it, of course. He had to keep reminding himself of that. Penny had been the one to put herself out there in the first place, and he was the dumbass who had chosen Amy. Sheldon was really going to have to work for this.

"I don't have a flight."

"Oh, well, did you drive here? No, you hate driving. Oh, hey, did you take the train? That's so cool! When are you going home?"

He'd barely been there five minutes and she was already trying to send him home. This was not going the way he expected. It was time to get to the point, and fast.

"Penny. I live here."

Well, that got her attention. She just stared at him for a while until she was able to speak again.

"You…live here?"

"Yes, I moved here last month."

Penny swallowed, looked down at her feet, examined her nails. Why was she being so weird?

"Okay. Yes. We should talk. Come with me."

Sheldon followed her into the dark theater, where they sat in a row of seats in the back. The light from the stage barely illuminated the seats and Sheldon could hardly see Penny. That was okay. He didn't need to see her. He just needed to talk.

When they were situated, Penny said, "Okay. Start from the beginning. I'm listening."

Sheldon took a breath. There was a lot to explain. But hopefully when he was done, she would understand.

"Ever since I won the prize, I've been on sort of a world tour. I've been everywhere—every continent, so many different countries. To speak and lecture about science. Of course I was hesitant to do that, but I felt like the science community could benefit from the exposure I was getting. After this…thing with you, I wanted to better myself. I wanted to give back. So that's what I've been doing."

The outline of Penny nodded. "I know, I've seen you on the news, and Bernadette keeps me pretty updated. I'm so excited for you. You're out there changing lives."

"That's the idea. I find it immensely satisfying, which is weird because I've never particularly cared about such things before."

"Okay...so why do you care now, exactly? Spit it out, Sheldon."

Sheldon pondered his next choice of words. He had so much to say, not enough time to say it, and Penny looked as though she was quickly getting frustrated with his very presence. So he decided to just blurt it all out.

"I'm trying to say that you changed me. That before the moment we kissed, I only cared about my routine. My life. My job and my apartment and my needs and wants. But then I realized that those aren't the only things that matter. I want to affect people's lives. I want to teach and learn and explore and discover. I want to connect with people who are radically different from me. I never wanted these things until I met you. I never saw the beauty in everything around me until you said you were in love with me. I hate to sound trite, but that's when it all changed for me."

Penny was quiet. He couldn't read her expression. It was nerve-racking. Finally she was able to come up with a reply.

"That's...pretty much the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me. But it doesn't explain why you chose Amy. It doesn't make up for the way you broke my heart so brutally back then. Two years might have passed since it all went down, but I'll never forget how much it hurt, Sheldon."

He nodded sadly. "I know. And I'm sorry. I've made some terrible decisions in my life but I'll spend the rest of it trying to make it up to you."

Penny chuckled. She was not amused.

"That's nice. It really is. But...is this about Amy? Bernadette said she went to Riyadh to be with her Saudi prince guy. Are you here because she left you? Because I have to say, Sheldon, I don't have much sympathy for you."

"No. That's not why I'm here. I'm here because the day before the Nobel Prize ceremony, I realized I didn't want Amy to be there when I received it. I only wanted one person to share the most important moment of my life with me, and that person wasn't going to be there. So that night, I told Amy I didn't want her to come to the ceremony, we got into a huge fight, and it was over. She was on a plane a week later."

"Oh...oh."

Sheldon could tell Penny was still trying to process all this, so he continued.

"I took a sabbatical from Cal Tech. Then I just never went back. I've been offered many positions, but the one I took is here in New York. Physics professor at NYU. And I'm writing a book. I live in an apartment in Manhattan with two other professors. It's not easy but I'm learning as I go along."

Finally, Penny was able to speak again. "That's incredible. I'm so proud of you for taking all these huge steps in your life and your career. But why New York? Why not somewhere back in California or even in Texas so you can be closer to your family?"

"It's where you are," he said simply. Maybe he should have eased her into it more, but it was the truth, and she needed to know.

First Penny looked at him blankly. Then she chuckled. Then she laughed. This was probably not good.

"Wow, you have some balls, I've got to hand it to you. But…Sheldon, too much time has passed. Too many things have happened. I've moved on…I had to. How do you even know that we could pick up where we left off? We've never had a real romantic relationship. It was based on secrets and lies. And sex."

"I don't know anything, Penny."

Penny looked confused, and then she smiled for half a second, and then went back to stoic. Sheldon expected such a look after he claimed to not know anything—in the past, he never would have admitted such an atrocity. But he was coming to terms with the fact that he did still have some things to learn, especially about relationships and friendships.

He paused and took a breath and cleared his throat before continuing.

"That's what I've learned. I honestly don't know anything. I thought I could be happy with Amy, I was wrong. I thought I could live without you, I was wrong. And no, we've never had a romantic relationship. But we had a friendship. And I want that back. At the very least, I want that back."

He watched as Penny immediately came back to life and she sighed. More silence. Finally, she spoke.

"I want that, too. More than anything, I want our friendship back. I've missed you so much, Sheldon. So much."

He realized it was hard for her to relinquish control and tell him something so heartfelt, and he appreciated the gesture. So he took Penny's hand and held it. It was warm and soft, as usual. She sighed and leaned over, putting her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair almost instinctively. It was probably not the time to share such an intimate moment, but they couldn't help it. The chemistry was still there. And it always would be.

Penny's phone buzzed, interrupting their moment, and she looked at the text from Elena. "I only have a few minutes, the show is going to start and I need to gather the troops. We have a big time reviewer from the New York Star here tonight, so everything has to go perfectly."

"I'm sure you'll be fine. Break a leg, as they say."

The two of them walked back into the lobby, where a surprising number of people were gathering to see the show.

"Listen…I'm not saying no. But I'm not saying yes, either. I'm crazy busy right now, as you can see, but let's meet next week for lunch or a drink or something. Wait, you don't drink. Maybe dinner?"

This was not the answer Sheldon had been looking for, but he would take it.

"Okay. It's a date. Do you mind if I stay and watch the show?" He might as well get something out of this visit.

"Absolutely! I would love that." Penny smiled and kissed his cheek again. Then she turned around and walked away and didn't even look back. Oh. So that's how it felt when he broke her heart. He was starting to understand a little better now.

Sheldon stood in the lobby for a minute or two. He was confused, dazed, and sad. It was time to think about living in New York without having a relationship with Penny, which scared the shit out of him. While he pondered this situation, there was a tap on his shoulder and he spun around and there she was.

And then she put her arms around him and kissed him for all he was worth. They sank into each other, and there was tongue, the infamous biting and the all-consuming lust, passion and the love. Then she slowly pulled away.

"Well. The cat's alive." She grinned and walked away again. And as he watched her go, he knew he was going to get a second chance. They were going to get a second chance. And this time, they weren't going to take it for granted.

*****

The audience was much larger than Penny expected. The small theater was at full capacity. She managed to perform the entire evening without looking for Sheldon in the back row. It was incredible. He came here for her. He quit his entire life in California to be with her. She wanted to pretend the past didn't matter and everything was fine and she wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him for days on end, but it wasn't going to be that easy. Yes, Penny loved Sheldon so very much and always would, but he hurt her. And she wasn't eager to undo all the progress she'd built up since moving to New York. But she was curious. Could they make it work when there wasn't so much drama surrounding their relationship? Could they overcome all the obstacles of the past and live in the present? It was going to be a fascinating journey.

Plus, that kiss…everything that attracted her to Sheldon in the first place was in that kiss. The initial innocence and then the hint of mischievousness; of seduction and lust, and then towards the end, an overwhelming feeling of love. Need. Want. Faith. Fate. And finally, destiny. It was that good of a kiss.

"Penny, you're up. Knock'em dead." Elena pinched Penny's arm as she came onstage for her final scene. "And don't think you're going to get out of telling me everything that just happened with that tall stud of yours."

"Later," Penny whispered, smiling in spite of herself.

"You know it."

The last scene was always in Penny's head, ever since she wrote the first act of the play that one drunken evening. There was no dialogue, only a song. The more nostalgic members of the audience loved this and there was no shortage of tears on any given night. The song was Silver Springs, and Penny loved it like she loved Sheldon. She'd been taking singing lessons for almost two years now basically just so she could do this piece of music justice.

Penny came onstage and quickly looked for Sheldon. She saw him in the back row. He smiled. She never took her eyes off of him as she sang. 

**You could be my silver spring  
Blue green colors flashin'  
I would be your only dream  
Your shining autumn, ocean crashing  
And did you say she was pretty  
And did you say that she loved you  
Baby, I don't wanna know**

**So I'll begin not to love you  
Turn around, see me runnin'  
I'll say I loved you years ago  
Tell myself you never loved me, no  
And did you say she was pretty  
And did you say that she loved you  
Baby, I don't wanna know**

**Oh, no  
And can you tell me, was it worth it  
Really, I don't wanna know**

**Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me  
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me**

**Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me  
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me  
Well I'll follow you down till the sound of my voice will haunt you  
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you**

**I'll follow you down till the sound of my voice will haunt you  
Was I just a fool?  
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you  
Was I just a fool?**

**I'll follow you down til' the sound of my voice will haunt you  
Give me just a chance  
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you**

**You could be my silver springs  
My blue green colors flashin' …**

Penny couldn't keep from crying as she finished the song that so accurately portrayed her emotions regarding Sheldon and the affair. As the audience stood and applauded her hard work, she took a bow and wondered what would happen next. She and Sheldon could write their own song now, but did she want to ride that roller coaster again? It wouldn't be easy, but they owed to themselves to at least try.

A week and a half later, Sheldon and Penny took a stroll through Central Park, both eating ice cream cones and enjoying the calm, gentle breeze. It was autumn, and the leaves were falling, and New York had that smell that Penny had fallen in love with, much like she had fallen in love with Sheldon so long ago. It was the kind of love that endures. That lasts. That can be challenged but could never be denied.

"So William Rose gave the play an excellent review," Penny was saying between bites of ice cream. "He said it was fresh and different; the kind of ground-breaking play that New York only sees once a decade or so. I couldn't have asked for anything better. We've had huge audiences every night and we're probably going to have to move it to a bigger venue. I'm so excited, Sheldon. This is what I've been waiting for—this is it."

Sheldon smiled genuinely, and she was grateful that the Koala Smile seemed to be a thing of the past.

"That's amazing. You've earned it, Penny. I hope you know that."

"I do. I think I've paid my dues, hemorrhoid commercials and all."

The two of them found a picnic table to sit down and continue their conversation. After Sheldon sanitized his hands (some things would just never change), he cleared his throat and said, "So regarding our conversation last week…have you come to any conclusions?"

Penny smiled and grasped his hand. "Yes, I've been thinking about it. Sheldon…you broke my heart. I've had a lot of therapy since I moved here and I'm not willing to just throw myself into a relationship with you. And anyway, I'm so busy all the time with the play and all my lessons, I don't know what I could offer you."

"You don't have to offer me _anything_ .I just want to be in your life again. I'm busy, too. I'm writing my book and doing the rounds on talk shows and still doing quite a bit of research. But we can find a way. We can take it slow. "

When Penny still didn't look convinced, Sheldon said, "We had good times and we had bad times, but we had times."

Penny laughed. It was a line from one of her favorite movies, Singles, and she'd made him watch it at least ten times over the years. He was really trying here and she needed to give him something. It just wasn't that easy.

"God, Sheldon, I don't know…you've changed so much and so have I. We're not the same people we were when we first met. Remember when I made you and Leonard try to get my TV back from Kurt? I'm appalled to think I let that happen once upon a time. We're different, Sheldon. We've evolved. Look at you, you're able to express yourself without condescending anyone and you don't even sound like a robot anymore. I fell in love with the nerdy, socially awkward guy across the hall, not the Nobel Prize winning public relations science superman."

"So let's get to know each other again. No more lies, no more sneaking around. It's just us this time. Our own decisions. Our own dreams."

"I just...I don't know. I mean, have you spoken to Leonard about this? How does he feel?"

"Yes, I spoke to him before I moved here. He has given us his blessing. Probably because he has moved on himself. Priya came back from India and is in California permanently. And they're engaged."

"Wow. I didn't see that coming." Penny never liked Priya, but if she made Leonard happy, Penny was thrilled for them.

Neither of them acknowledged Amy. That was one friendship that would forever be lost thanks to Penny and Sheldon's actions. This did sometimes make Penny sad...they did have some fun times together. But after some major soul searching and lots of therapy, Penny had come to the conclusion that for the most part, her friendship with Amy was never all that healthy anyway. Amy needed a friend and she decided Penny would play the part. It was never destined to last. Sad but true.

"So there are no more obstacles. We can start a new life together without the judgment of anyone else. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Penny closed her eyes and thought about letting Sheldon back into her life. She remembered the way he always made her laugh, and how they'd stay up late and have those serious talks about life in their small towns, and the first time he kissed her, and what it felt like to make love to him; how he was so intense in the moment and how she craved to feel that intensity again. It was time to stop being quite so strong. It was time to let her guard down just a little and let him back in. She wanted Sheldon in her life, and it really seemed like he was going to try his hardest to make up for breaking her heart. It was time.

So instead of answering him, Penny moved closer to him. She looked into his eyes, and then leaned in for a kiss. It was soft and romantic and she felt so connected to him she could barely even deal with it. Soon, they were making out in the middle of Central Park and tourists were taking pictures of them like they were on display at the zoo.

"Let's do this," she said when they were finally able to pull away from each other. "But if you break my heart again…I have two words for you, Sheldon Cooper."

"Junior Rodeo," he said nervously, and she laughed and kissed him again.

They walked back to Penny's apartment and kissed on the doorstep. Before she opened the door, she whispered, "Thank you for coming here. For taking a chance on me. For my love. I won't forget it." She didn't add those three little words he wanted to hear so badly, but there would be time for that soon enough.

"You won't have to forget it," he said. One last lingering kiss, and then he was gone, leaving Penny to ponder the new journey they were about to take together.

*****

 **A/N - obviously I don't own Fleetwood Mac or have anything to do with Fleetwood Mac and please don't sue me, Fleetwood Mac.**


	16. Epilogue

Penny and Sheldon spent a lot of time holding hands and kissing at first; like they just needed to make sure they weren't figments of each other's imaginations; that they were unencumbered by anyone or anything.

A month into their second chance, they found themselves hiding from a torrential downpour in Penny's apartment. Elena was on a date and they had the place all to themselves. They hadn't yet made love because it had been mutually agreed that they were trying to make the relationship more than just sex. But it had been long enough, and soon they were in Penny's bedroom, slowly undressing each other, dying to know what it felt like to connect so intimately and nakedly once again.

Sheldon still knew all the ways to make her scream. His fingers, his tongue, his warmth…she needed it. It made her feel alive. How could she live without this? She never wanted to again.

That day, something again changed between them; but it was a good change. An important change. Penny finally decided to completely place her trust in Sheldon and let go of her past in order to make way for the future.

It wasn't always easy. Penny found herself sometimes wanting to withdraw from the intense feelings she had for Sheldon. It had always been her first instinct to want to run and hide, sometimes hiding inside herself. Locking everyone out had always sounded better than letting everyone in. Penny didn't ever want to feel the pain of two years ago again. The emptiness, the depression, it was all-consuming. Every time Penny felt that urge she reminded herself that faith and trust are things that grow over time. So even though she was terrified he was going to break her heart, even if he had given her no indication that would ever happen again, she let the relationship take its intended course.

Sheldon also had a little trouble adjusting to life in NYC. The germs and the people and the attitude didn't mesh well with his Texas upbringing. But he found a routine at NYU and with Penny and with his roommates and eventually he was thriving. His book about the Higgs boson was a critical success and now he was writing another book. It was about Star Trek, and he was collaborating with Wil Wheaton. See, Sheldon really was capable of change.

Tusk went onto bigger stages and Penny finally sat down and rewrote the story she started so many years ago about a girl from Nebraska. She found it greatly satisfying to finally accomplish the goal she set out for herself from the start. She was also in the beginning stages of writing a play based on Pandora. Now that she had opened the box (and found a way to deal with the contents), she felt a certain kind of kinship with the mythological character.

It shouldn't have been very surprising when Sheldon got down on one knee a year after he arrived in New York and proposed to her at the theater in Queens. But it shocked the hell out of Penny, and she cried. A lot. And said yes. And cried some more. Because this is what she wanted from the beginning. Not to be some soulless actress in Los Angeles, dating a dumb, pretty jock and driving a car with a perpetually blinking check engine light. She wanted Sheldon, the love of her life, along with her best friend, her plays, and her adopted city.

It might not have started out as a love story, but it turned into one along the way. It was messy and complicated and a lot of people got hurt in the process, but now everyone was where they were meant to be. And Sheldon and Penny's story would continue until the sun stopped setting and the stars stopped making compositions in the sky.

*****

 **A/N - It's over! And I am sad. I would like to say that I took some of the idea for this story from one of my most favorite books in the world, Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin. I know there's lots of ambiguous and controversial morals and themes in this story and thank you for keeping an open mind. I just wanted a story where people fuck up and do the wrong thing and betray each other and then they have to figure out how to grow and move on.**

**Again, thank you all for reading and rock on.**

**Author's Note:**

> I totally stole the last line from Singles because I love that movie and I wanted to.


End file.
